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Monday, January 05, 2009

January 5th

If I had not miscarried back in May of last year, today would have been my due date. It stings. It hurts.

I'm finding it hard to justify my feelings today. After all, there are a lot of women out there who miscarry not once but several times or who are not able to conceive again at all after a miscarriage. And here I sit, feeling the kicks and rolls and jabs of the baby that we were able to conceive, very easily and without incident, two months after I miscarried last year. I will get to meet this baby shortly. I am truly one of the lucky ones and I keep telling myself that I should be thankful. And I am so very, very thankful. Feeling sad about the baby we lost makes me feel a little ungrateful somehow.

But I'm only human and today I feel pain and loss. I can't help but think that I could be holding a baby today. I was supposed to be holding a baby today. I'm not sure how else I am supposed to feel.

2 comments:

Angie said...

xoxo

Mom said...

I'm sorry. I'm sure I would feel the same way, if it would have happened to me. Sometimes we don't understand why things happen, but fortunately we have the strength to face them and overcome the hard times. The baby that you lost will always be a part of you, hopefully, the pain will lessen in time.