You're Fired!

Message from me to my obstetrician: I am going Donald Trump on you. Doctor, you're fired.

Aaron and I had an appointment yesterday with my OB, to follow up on the miscarriage and to talk about "the plan". Over the past ten days or so, since learning of the miscarriage, Aaron and I have both been doing some research and I am fortunate enough to know some peeps that are in the know on obstetric problems and miscarriage, so we came to the appointment prepared with questions and armed with information.

Unfortunately, my doctor sucks. Plain and simple...she totally sucks. She came in (panting and complaining about how busy her day was and neglecting to apologize for making us wait thirty minutes past our scheduled time) and asked, "So, what happened?" After doing some quick interpreting and deciding that she meant to ask, "Have you had any spotting since you were last here?", I told her that I haven't had even one iota of spotting, no cramping, no nothing. The only indicators of the miscarriage were the ultrasound and the lack of any pregnancy symptoms (other than amenorrhea).

After hearing this, my doctor looked back and forth between Aaron and me and said, "Weird," and "I don't know," alternatively at least six times. Then she told me she was going to give me some synthetic hormone pills to bring on a period and get my cycle back on track. And that was it.

I don't know...I guess I was expecting something more than that. Maybe some insight into what possibly happened. With miscarriages, I know that a vast majority of the time you never know what happened. I guess that's okay, but hearing some theories on what happened or some comfort would have been appreciated. Maybe some semblance of a plan would have made me feel better. All that she gave me was the instruction to take this medication--we didn't discuss when I should be expecting my period, when my cycles might be back on track, and when we can start thinking about trying to get pregnant again. When I asked about these things, she told me that my cycles might get back on track "after finishing the medication" and that we can start trying again "whenever".

Red flag--everything that I have read and heard has told me that after a miscarriage, a woman needs to wait one to three months to start trying to get pregnant again, and that she should use birth control until then. My doctor never once mentioned any sort of birth control to me and didn't give me any time frame for trying to conceive again. Honestly, I can't even think about trying to conceive again...I'm not anywhere near that point emotionally (or physically), but some information on that point, especially when I asked about it, would have been helpful.

The last straw was when the doctor was prepared to send me on my way, with this medication that can cause severe birth defects in children if taken while pregnant, without offering to give me a pregnancy test. Yes, she told me ten days ago that I miscarried, but stranger things have happened and Aaron and I have been having unprotected sex ever since I found out I was pregnant and we have no clue if I am ovulating or not. I had to ask for the test, and when I did, my doctor said, "Oh yeah. That might be a good idea." I am all for taking charge of your health care and suggesting options to your doctor, but this seems fundamental to me.

The other deciding factor for me was Aaron's reaction to my doctor. Aaron, who has an innate ability to see the best in every person and every situation, agrees that my doctor sucks. He couldn't deal with her through the rest of this ordeal and possibly through another pregnancy. In fact, several times last night, he told me, "I don't want to tell you what to do and if you like her, you can stay with her, but I want you to find a new doctor." Done.

Luckily, Grace has her four-year checkup this afternoon and I really respect her doctor, so I will be asking her to give me some referrals to new OB's in our network. Ironically, when I told my OB who Grace's doctor was, she was excited and told me that Grace's doctor is one of her favorite people. I'll be interested to see what Grace's doctor has to say about all of this.

Anyway, the pregnancy test that I asked for yesterday was negative, so I'm on the medication. I hesitated to take it because I feel like taking it is admitting that this is over and I am taking the final steps to end it. It's heartbreaking and I feel like some of the grief that I let go over the past few days is creeping back in. It's also a little nerve wracking, because the pharmacist gave me a warning last night that taking this medication could give me PMS times ten.

Oh good. Just what we need in our house...a little more emotion.