30

And so, I enter the fourth decade of my life…

Last weekend, Aaron and I were out on a date and at one very honest moment (read: I had just finished a Flirtini) during dinner, I looked at Aaron and asked, “Do you ever wonder what happened to you?” I had been wondering lately, especially as I approach my thirtieth birthday, what happened to the fun loving, free, crazy girl I used to be. I was the girl that didn’t think twice about going out on a Wednesday night. The girl who would pick up and go at a moment’s notice. The girl who didn’t obsess about things like bills and the cleanliness of my living space and making dentist appointments and laundry. The girl that slept till 11:00am on the weekends and stayed up all night.

What happened to me? As I talk to my single and childless friends about their lives and listen to their stories about all of their adventures, I can’t help but think about my social life, especially since a “big night” for me includes not falling asleep before 10:00pm and actually making it through an entire two-hour movie. Long gone are the days of dancing till 2:00am and traveling whenever I wanted to. Now, my days are mostly filled with work and parenting and trying to maintain my sanity.

Mine is a common tale. We go through our wild and crazy years in our teens and 20’s, and then one day, we become an adult. I’m not saying that becoming an adult automatically means that the fun is over…I guess I’m just realizing that it’s a different kind of fun. One night last week, I came home from work to find Aaron and Grace playing with puzzles in the living room and when I walked in, they invited me to join them. At that moment, there was not a single place on earth where I would have rather been. Tuesday night swimming classes with Gracie are the one of the highlights of my week, because I get to spend time with my daughter doing something she really enjoys. And, some of the most romantic moments in my house are when I watch Aaron comfort or reassure Grace, knowing in my heart that Grace will remember those feelings and will be able to depend on him.

So, since my conversation with Aaron last weekend, I have done some serious thinking and I have come to the conclusion that this IS me now. My life revolves around not myself and my whims, but around my family. My priorities have changed. I have grown up. I am comfortable in my skin. And, the more I think about it, I don’t miss the girl I used to be at all. Why would I want to go back to the insecurity of dating, the uncertainty of the first couple years out of college, and living in crappy apartments because it was all I could afford?

Yes, life is hard sometimes. Along with the happiness of parenting comes the difficulty of raising a child and wanting to do a REALLY GOOD JOB as a parent. Marriage, although blissful and romantic much of the time, is pretty damn hard sometimes. But, I have to say that I am really, really , insanely happy. I wouldn’t trade who I am now for anything, even on those days when I am dog tired and fed up with just about everything.

Hooray for turning 30! Life is very, very good.