because i'm bored at a job that i will be leaving in 6 days...

All of the ladies in the world that have been blessed (read: BLESSED) with small chests should be thankful. My huge boobs and I went shopping for a swimsuit today, and it was a horrendous experience. I found a couple of potential winners after sifting through the picked over swimsuits and brought them to the dressing room, hopes high that I would find the perfect one for me.

I was wrong. Out of the three suits I tried on, only one was decent enough for me to wear in public. The two offensive suits fit fine on the bottoms, but my boobs were falling out of the tops and I would surely be arrested if I was to wear them in public. Boobs everywhere. The third suit (which I ended up buying just because it was the best of the three and not because it was perfect) was, admittedly, a little better, but the top pushes my boobs up to my neck and I'm hoping that I'm able to keep "the ladies" under control whilst at the pool this weekend.

Of course, the reason that I needed to go shopping for a swim suit at all is because it's supposed to be, like, 99 degrees here this weekend. The only acceptable outdoor activity will be to swim in the pool at the hotel we will be staying at. Ugh. Well, that and the other swimsuit I own was purchased before my daughter was born, and, frankly, my body has changed so much since then that the swimsuit just looks at me and laughs. Bastard.

Job alert: As I stated in an earlier blog entry, I am leaving my current job next week. I promised myself that I would remain interested and active in my current job until the bitter end, but I find myself breaking that promise. I have spent nearly all afternoon today reading The Onion online and joking around with my coworkers. Truth is, I'm not really interested anymore and I've already mentally checked out. It's going to be a long week next week.

Grace alert: Grace has begun speaking in (nearly) complete sentences, and it's the cutest damn thing. Her latest thing is watching someone do something and then saying, "I'll try." I hope she maintains that positive attitude throughout her life, because I certainly want her to be willing to try new things and experience what's out there. Yay for Gracie!!

Happy Friday!!

Gross

This morning on my way to work, I passed a semi trailer that had a sticker on the back that said, "Beef. It's what's for dinner." As I passed the trailer, I noticed that it was packed to the gills with cows on their way to the slaughter. One cow looked me in the eye as if to say, "You remember me FOREVER." I might rethink the cheeseburger at lunch today.

See ya SUCKERS!!

There's nothing better than waking up in the morning and knowing that you're going to be resigning from a job that you truly dislike so you can begin a job that you know will be exciting and challenging and fulfilling. Words can't express my happiness and excitement. No more chest pains on the way home from work. No more escaping to the bathroom to cry after a customer yells at me. Sure, I will have rough days at my new job, but I don't have to dread getting up in the morning anymore. Yay for me and for new beginnings.

Ah, the randomness of it all...

-"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" was fantastic. I highly recommend it to all. Plenty of hot pirate action, jokes about rum, and Johnny Depp--who could ask for more? I loved it, even though Davy Jones' beard gave me the willies.

-If there was only one food that I could eat for the rest of my life, it would be buttered popcorn. Those who know me well probably would have guessed that I would choose some sort of Mexican dish, as I have an undying love for all Mexican food (even Mole), but I don't want to subject myself to a lifetime of indigestion.

-Men who don't pay child support and yet manage to have the money to buy new cars should be strung up by their balls.

-It's very disappointing when the sky gets all cloudy and dark like there's going to be a big storm, and then all it amounts to is a drop or two of rain. I love thunderstorms.

-Buttered popcorn and a nice tall glass of cold milk make a tasty flavor combination.

-I hate fish but I love sushi. Figure that one out.

-Any parents (or future parents) should read "Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. It's brilliant and it will soon become your parenting Bible.

-I shouldn't make comparisons involving really good books and the Bible, because I really don't read the Bible. I probably should do that.

-Job hunting is a pride-swallowing exercise. "Please, tell me about yourself...Ok, that's enough...No really, we'll call you...We're talking with several candidates."

-Did I really eat that whole bag of popcorn?

Shiver me timbers!!

I'm so excited. Tonight my man and I are going to see the second installment of "Pirates of the Caribbean." Mostly, this is what I'm looking forward to:




I'm pretty sure this is what my man is looking forward to:



Shiver me timbers--eye candy for both of us!!

Diet Food

If you're like me, you've been struggling with your weight for most of your adult life. (And, if you're not like me, you should stop reading this and get down on your knees and thank God. Then have a cupcake for the love of Pete.) Being that it's a Monday today and I have been making poor food choices as of late, I decided to start yet another diet today. I grabbed a Healthy Choice french bread pizza this morning when I left for work and was actually getting excited about eating it. Pizza's good, right? Yay for diet pizza!!

Promptly at noon, I popped the pizza into the toaster oven, waited with baited breath for the cheese to get all bubbly and melty, and then promptly inhaled said pizza in roughly 30 seconds. Afterwards, I felt cheated. I'M STILL HUNGRY! Should I run out and grab a little something else to eat? It seems to me that doing that would ruin the good I did by eating the diet pizza. I'm left in quite a pickle. (Ugh! Food reference!!)

My problem is that I LOVE to eat. It's a social experience for me. I love eating and talking to friends and simply enjoying myself. I love and appreciate good food, especially sweets and carbs. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm stressed out, when I'm sad, and when there's nothing better to do.

Seems to me that the only thing diet food does for me is tease my stomach into thinking that more is coming when in fact there's nothing else on the way. I could never get on board with the people that say, "Eat this salad--it's filling." No it's not. It's a salad. Now ice cream with M&M's on the top...that's filling!!

Ah, hell. Maybe I'll give this nectarine a shot and see what it does for me.

College memory

Yesterday, as I was driving home from yet another awesome weekend trip, I was mulling over my career crisis and wondering what it would be like to go back into teaching. Would I be a good teacher? Would I find it fulfilling? As I was thinking about that, a memory from waaayyy back in college popped into my head, and I want to pay tribute to the professor that made this experience memorable for me.

One of the required courses for aspiring educators at UW-Oshkosh is called Educational Psychology. This course had the reputation for being incredibly difficult and, unfortunately, incredibly dull, so when the time came for me to enroll in this course, I was feeling a bit negative about it. The first day of the semester finally came, and I went to Ed Psych, ready to receive my syllabus (everyone knows the first day of class is syllabus day) and then maybe be released early.

In walked very stuffy-looking professor. He was wearing a three-piece suit, his hair was slicked back, and he carried a very ragged and worn brown briefcase. He didn't introduce himself. He proceeded to clear his throat and began to lecture. On the first day of class. He used overheads that were jam-packed with all sorts of terms and statistics, and he went through the overheads at such a feverish pace that I couldn't take notes fast enough. The material he was talking about was difficult to grasp and he was going so quickly that I soon got frustrated and decided to just put my pen down and try and listen as best as I could. As I looked around the room, my fellow students were doing the same thing. We were looking at each other as if to say, "What is this guy doing? I can't keep up!" and "Here's another crappy professor. This is going to be a long semester."

After lecturing in this manner for about five minutes, Dr. Paxton stopped talking. He loosened his tie and shut off the overhead projector. He then said the most powerful and memorable thing to us: "This is how NOT to teach." Brilliant. We were all stunned, and honestly, we were relieved. And, the fact that I remember this moment out of four years worth of moments that I had in college is a testament to how powerful that was. The rest of the semester was a lot like that--full of lightbulb moments and powerful messages.

So, thanks Dr. Paxton. If I do go back into teaching, I will remember you and what you taught me.