Giving Thanks

I have written a Thanksgiving post every year for the past few years, and this year won't be an exception. I know that Turkey Day (or, if you're a PETA person, Tofurkey Day) is still two days away, but since I will be hitting the road tomorrow for the weekend, you're getting your annual Thanksgiving post a bit early this year.

I am thankful for...

The newest member of my little family, Harrison. You entered my life 9 months ago tomorrow and I can't even imagine life without you. Before you were born, I worried so much about having enough love in my heart for my second child. After all, I love Grace so much, with all my heart...how would I ever be able to muster that much love for another child? But then you came, and all of my fears were instantly erased. You changed my heart. You made it grow. And you taught me that a mommy's love knows no bounds. Thank you.

My first baby, Grace. There is just no possible way to articulate how much you have changed in the past year. You went from only child to big sister. You know how to read. You go to bed on your own, after a story and a hug and kiss. You understand things. You're growing up right in front of my eyes. You are silly and fun. Laughing with you is one of my favorite things to do in the whole world. You're so caring, so loving, so full of life. So amazing. Thank you for being you.

My love, Aaron. I watched you become a daddy this year. This is my first time going through life with a baby with you, and wow. I am so proud of you. When I tell you that any kid would be lucky to have you for a dad, I mean it. You give 100% to your kids, and when they require more than that, you give it to them. You love them with all your heart. And when you walk through the door each evening, their faces light up to see you. They can't wait to spend time with you. And, you make being a mom so much easier for me, because you are truly my partner--you accept your fair share of the hard work, the struggles, and because of that, you also see the triumphs. I love you. So, so proud of the father that you are. Thank you.

My parents and my sister--my support system. When I say, "I couldn't have done it without you," this year, I mean it. Like, I COULD NOT have done this whole "having a second baby" thing without you guys. You guys stepped in and helped out with Grace when I had my super-surprise induction, taking off work and creating chaos in your lives for several days, without hesitation. And the thing is, I know you guys think it's no big deal...it's what family does. But, it's not what EVERY family does, and that's what is so awesome about you guys. I can't tell you how much what you did, and all you continue to do, means to me. So, thank you.

*sniff*

And now, some less gooshy things I am thankful for this year:

-Mexican hot chocolate
-Alterra coffee
-Really good vegetarian recipes
-Beans--black, pinto, kidney, and otherwise

(Why are these all food-related?)

-The "Twilight" saga...I'm an addict
-Daytime TV
-Our new vehicle, the Mazda 5, especially the sliding doors
-My church and my new church family
-My Daisy Scouts and my co-leader, Tracey
-Zip-up baby sleepers
-My new hat...my head looks fabulous even on 4 hours of sleep!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Nerds and Vampires, A Conversation

Tonight, while watching "Big Bang Theory":

Me, to Aaron: You're my Leonard.

Aaron walks away dejectedly. I presume he didn't appreciate the fact that I implied he was nerdy, but he *claims* he was only going to the kitchen for salsa.

Me: Well, you're my Edward (as in Edward Cullen, the vampire in "Twilight") too!

Aaron: I'm a twinkly vampire?

Me: No, I mean that I can't live without you. Duh.

Aaron: Well, you're my hemoglobin. *snickers* I can't live without you, either. *more snickers*

Me, whispering to myself so Aaron can't hear: See, you are a nerd.

Not My Kid?

Today, Grace's Q1 report card came home, and in looking at it, I am wondering whose kid Grace REALLY is...

Socially, Grace is doing really well in school. She has lots of friends, she participates in class discussions, and she (mostly) behaves. She shows care and concern for others. She is kind and she shares. She is respectful and follows the rules. That doesn't surprise me.

What does surprise me a bit...a lot, actually...is how Grace is doing academically.

As a child, and even into middle school, high school, and college, I was always above grade level in Reading and Writing. I read at the fourth grade level in Kindergarten, and I was always in the special, gifted groups for classes like Reading, Spelling, and Language Arts. However, Math and Science were the bane of my existence. The only class I ever came close to getting a D in was Chemistry. I struggled with each and every math class that I have ever had to take, and I was so very thankful that my major in college didn't require me to take any math classes.

Grace does well in Reading and Writing. She is right about where she should be in those subjects as a Kindergartner. However, the "X's" she received as satisfactory marks in Reading and Writing faded into resounding "+'s" that she earned this quarter in Math and Science--she exceeds grade level targets in these two areas. In fact, her teacher noted that Grace's areas of strength are likely to be...you guessed it...Math and Science. As I took this all in, I stood, looking at her report card, mouth agape, wondering where this talent came from.

Oh, and the other area she is doing really well in? Physical Education. Um, what? I was the kid who always got picked last for games in Gym class and who actually peed in her pants once while playing kickball. Yep. I was so nervous that someone was going to kick the ball to me.

One indicator Grace is actually my kid, though...As we were driving to get ice cream this past weekend, she told me that I made her heart turn upside down because, even though she was happy I was taking her to get ice cream, I wouldn't let her to go the ice cream place she REALLY wanted to go to. And also because I managed to lose her new favorite barrette. Yes, she is premenstrual early, just like I was.

Growing Up

The H-man is crawling. This morning as Grace was eating her breakfast and I was hurrying to apply a layer of makeup before walking Grace to school, Harrison was sitting on the floor next to me, playing with some blocks. He pushed himself over onto his hands and knees, as he often does, but instead of just plopping onto his tummy or crawling backwards, he crawled about two paces forward. And suddenly Grace and I were on the floor, cheering, "Go buddy!" and "C'mon! You can do it!!"

Who is this baby and how is it possible that he is crawling already? How can it be that he already has two little teeth peeking out from his gums? Wasn't he just a teeny newborn? And now he is less than four months away from his first birthday...he won't be a baby for too much longer.

I love this stage of babyhood and I know it will pass too quickly. I am excited to watch Harrison grow up, but I find myself wishing time would slow down, just a little bit.

Of Prayers and Vaccines

First off, many prayers and thoughts for the folks down at Ft. Hood. I lived about a mile from Ft. Hood's gates back in 2001 and 2002 (in my previous life, when I was an Army wife), so when I heard the news of this tragedy yesterday, I felt especially sad. I remember how difficult it was to live the Army life, and I just can't imagine how much more stress this is adding to the soldiers and their families. Many, many prayers for all...

So, I managed to get H1N1 vaccines for both the kiddos, and it took some work. I have been calling our pediatrician's office every week since September 1st looking for the seasonal flu shot (which the kids still haven't gotten), and I started to ask for the H1N1 vaccine around that time as well. Each time I called, I was given the run-around..."call next week", "we don't know when they're coming", yadda, yadda, yadda...and it was really starting to piss me off. When I called last week I was told, "We don't know when we will have them, and by the way, we may NEVER have them. So if you can find the vaccines out in the community, go for it." I was in a particularly bad mood that day, so I decided to pursue things a bit further. I called the Clinic Administrator. I told her I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know how I could protect my children, and most of all, I wanted to know why in the HELL Target and Walgreens were able to purchase seasonal flu vaccines (and by the way, they are only vaccinating people who are 18 or older), but doctors' offices couldn't obtain them.

To my surprise, the Clinic Administrator was very pleasant and helpful. She informed me that more vaccine would be coming at the end of November and that she would put the kids' names on a waiting list, so that when they did receive vaccine, we would be called. She also gave me a website (www.pandemic.wisconsin.gov, for those of you in Wisconsin who are interested) that displays all of the public flu clinics in our area, so we could also try to find vaccine out in the community.

That afternoon, our pediatrican (who is also the clinic's Medical Director) also called me. He let me know that he shares my frustration (he has kids and a pregnant wife) and reiterated that since our family is high risk--with an 8-month-old and a 5-year-old who is in elementary school and spends her days with other germy kids--our kids would be put on a waiting list and we would be called as soon as vaccine became available. And I felt a little stupid for a minute, getting all of this attention, but then I remembered that I am a mom, and if anyone is going to fight for what is right for my kids, it's gonna be me.

There is a lesson to be learned here...it pays to complain. It pays to pick up the phone and make a couple of calls, because earlier this week, our pediatrician called and said he had received limited amount of the nasal H1N1 vaccine and that he would save one for Gracie.

Unfortunately, our clinic did not receive the injectable H1N1 vaccine, so Harrison was not able to be vaccinated that day. However, the city of Milwaukee held a clinic yesterday for the high risk groups, so I bundled Harrison up, stood in line with him for two hours, and got him vaccinated. And, because I thought to ask, Harrison got the thimerosal-free version of the vaccine. Ask, if you're concerned about that sort of thing, because it's available.

We get to do this all over again in four weeks...both kids need booster shots. And, as I said, neither of them has received the seasonal flu shot yet. I will keep calling.

Autumn

I love Autumn...sweatshirt weather is my favorite (and not just because sweatshirts cover up my muffin top) and with two kiddos around, it seems that Fall is more fun than ever. Check out these pics from our recent trip to Apple Holler:

Fear

I have aviophobia. I am extremely afraid of flying...so much so that I have talked my way out of flying on a couple of instances and if I do end up having to fly, I am physically sick for weeks before the flight.

For quite some time, Aaron and I had been talking about taking a trip back to Disney World, just the two of us, to celebrate our anniversary. (Grace of the future...I am sorry we didn't tell you where we were going, but you understand...you would have flipped your shizzy. Plus I'm sure you had a blast with Grandma and Grandpa anyway.) We decided that since MPS kids have off the last Thursday and Friday of October for Teacher's Convention, that would be a good time for us to take our trip--we wouldn't have to yank Grace out of school at all. So, we booked our flight and our hotel, and I made an effort to forget about the whole thing for a while.

A couple of weeks ago, though, the panic started to set in. I started checking the "fear of flying" forums online. I spent an unwarranted amount of time researching safety stats for the aircraft we will be flying in. I began having thoughts of impending doom. I started to feel convinced that I would never have the chance to see my children grow up. My palms would sweat when I would even think of getting on a plane. I even thought about trying to convince Aaron that we should extend our trip by a couple of days so we could drive or take the train (I never broached the subject with him, though, because I don't think it would have been well-received.)

Yeah. This is a problem for me.

I am generally a fearful person. I remember as a child I would lay still in my bed to listen for sounds of intruders in the middle of the night. I would creep around the kitchen at night while my parents watched television in the living room, looking for signs that someone was trying to break into our house. I had to go home from Girl Scout camp several days early because I was terrified of the whole thing. And as an adult, I'm still fearful of many things. I have a hard time getting on the El in Chicago because I know there's a chance that the train will go underground, and that terrifies me. When someone I love gets sick, I lose sleep worrying and thinking that they might die. I think the same thing when I get sick. And on days like today when Grace goes on a school field trip, I worry that she will be in a bus accident or that she will get separated from her group and will be lost.

I don't like feeling like this, and I really wish I didn't.

For this upcoming trip, I decided that I would bite the bullet and ask for pharmaceutical help. I went to the doctor on Monday and he prescribed some Ativan (he considered Xanax first but then decided that Xanax wears off too quickly...love that man). Funny thing...once I had those pills in my hand, my fear of flying started to fade ever so slightly...could I be afraid of the fear I know I will feel?

I did a trial run with the Ativan last evening, just to make sure it would work out ok for our flight next week, and it did its job. Mostly I just felt mellow, my limbs felt a little heavier, and I was a little tired. I tried to make myself afraid by thinking about flying, and I couldn't force myself to get too worked up about it. We'll see what happens when I'm actually confronted with the thing I fear...

Dispatch From the Infirmary

So, where were we? Last week Grace was home sick on Friday, and even though she was showing signs of feeling better late Friday morning, I still took her in to the doctor Friday afternoon. Good thing I did...she had strep throat...again. Luckily, this bout of strep was much less severe than the last time she had it, but this time, just for fun, she had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics that she had to take. Since Grace is allergic to virtually every other antibiotic known to man, the doctor on call that I had paged on Sunday afternoon (after Grace's new rash flared up) decided to place her on one final antibiotic that might work. Here is the conversation that I had with the pharmacy tech at Walgreen's when I went to pick up the new antibiotic:

Pharm Tech: So, does your daughter like to take prescription medication?

Me: Um, no.

Pharm Tech: Because she's gonna HATE this one.

Me: *blank stare*

Pharm Tech: It is the worst tasting medicine ever.

It would appear as though this is true. The first time Grace took this new medicine, she cried because it tasted so bad. And she has to take it three times a day for the next five days. Humph.

At least Grace is on the mend. As you all know from my constant bitching not only here but also on Facebook and Twitter, Harrison has been sick for a month now, since the day after he started day care. He had a cold, then he was a little better. He had a cough, and then it went away for a day or two. Then, he caught the flu, got swabbed for H1N1 (which was negative, thank goodness), and then got a teeny bit better. Then, this past weekend, he got sicker than I have ever seen him. His nose was so congested he could barely breathe. His cough was worse and more painful-sounding than ever. He would wake up at night just howling because he was so miserable. And, yesterday morning when we woke up his right eye was crusted shut and the skin underneath was purple and swollen. Awesome.

So, back to the doctor we went...and Harrison has not only a severe case of pink eye, but the infection from the pink eye somehow made it into his skin surrounding his eye (perhaps from a small crack in the skin) and he has a case of cellulitis in the tissue around his eye. In case you don't know, cellulitis is a skin infection, and if it's not treated, the infection can spread to the bloodstream and can be life-threatening. Needless to say, the boy is on a high dose of strong antibiotics...which cause terrible diarrhea, so that's fun.

The only bright side to all of this is that Grace is already on antibiotics, so the chance of her catching pink eye from Harrison is very small.

We might be overreacting, but we decided to yank H out of day care. I'm staying home and he can deal with other kids' germs when he's bigger. And we're gonna try like hell to make sure Grace stays healthy and washes her hands very frequently so we can minimize the germs she brings home from school.

For those of you that know me well, you know that I have been having a tough time with this. I tend to imagine the worst when my kids are sick, so when the doctor told me yesterday that my baby has a serious infection, it wasn't pretty. I managed to hold myself together until last evening, after I had put H down for a pre-supper nap and after I got Grace busy playing with paper dolls in the living room. I was preparing dinner and I was suddenly seized with an overwhelming sense of panic and guilt, and all I could do was sit on the back steps and cry. Yeah, it's been a long month.

And Gracie Makes Four

That's four of us that have been sick in the past couple of weeks. For those of you keeping score, that means all four inhabitants of our house have been sick...Grace just got sick yesterday and Aaron and Harrison are still showing signs of illness. Me? I had the sinus headache of the century for like two days and then I was better. Why? Because I am a mom and as such I am not allowed to be sick for more than 48 hours. My body just knows that.

Anyhoo, since I am home from work again with a sick kiddo and that red-cheeked, glassy-eyed kiddo is contentedly lounging on the couch watching Sesame Street, I thought I would take a moment to sip some coffee, plan my cleaning strategy for the day (must wash sheets! must scrub floors!!), and catch all of you up on the non-illness-related happenings...

Harrison turned 7 months a couple of weeks ago and he is growing by leaps and bounds. When I took him to the doctor earlier this week to be checked out when he was sick, he weighed in at 19 pounds, 14 ounces. Holy crap. The boy likes to eat, and let's face it, his parents are no lightweights, so this shouldn't be a surprise, really. He is enjoying all sorts of new foods, his favorites of which are turkey and sweet potatoes, and as soon as those two bottom teeth pop through (which from the looks of it could be any moment now), we'll introduce him to some more tasty stuff.

One of my favorite things about this age is watching H discover things. Babies at this age are so animated and it is so fun just watching H watch bubbles floating in the air or steam rising from a cup of coffee or leaves blowing in the wind. He reminds me that the world is full of simple, wonderful treasures.

H is also sitting up on his own now, which makes play time much more fun for both him and whomever is playing with him. He's *this close* to crawling...in fact, he can hoist himself up onto his legs and crawl backwards for a bit, so I have a feeling he'll be mobile soon enough. (Mental note: baby proof house.) Harrison's favorite thing to do, though, is to jump. He loves his Jumparoo and when he's standing on someone's lap, he'll just smile and start bouncing up and down, indicating that he wants to jump. And when you let him jump on your lap, he rewards you by squealing and laughing in delight.

H is quite possibly the most laid-back baby I have ever met, too. He cries when he's hungry, and that's about it. He's incredibly smiley, saving his sweetest and most sincere smiles and giggles for his big sister. And, his transition from being home with me full-time to going to day care every day was ridiculously easy. The kid just goes with the flow.

Gracie, when she's healthy, is also doing very well. She is in love with kindergarten, so much so that she protested this morning when I told her she would need to stay home today and rest. Whereas last year she was hesitant when it came to school work (reading especially), this year she approaches learning with gusto. Her reading is improving every day (I'd like to think that's partly due to reading a chapter of Junie B. Jones with me each night at bedtime) and she loves to write down the new words that she's learning. And, every now and then, she'll come out with a new math problem that she has solved--yesterday afternoon on the way home from school, as sick as she was, Grace said, "Mama, two plus two plus two is six. And three plus three is six. Isn't that cool?"

And those of you who haven't seen Grace since she was a shy, tentative little kid wouldn't even recognize her now. Because she will run up to you, ask you your name, and tell you not only her first name but her middle name as well. We go to McDonald's every Wednesday for supper before swimming lessons, and it never ceases to amaze me how she seems to make at least one or two new friends each time she plays in the McDonald's Playland. She's no longer the kid hanging back on Mom's lap watching the other kids play--she's the kid organizing the games. She has emerged from her shell and she wants to play.

My mom was right when she told me that the early school-age years are the best years. These really are Grace's best times, so far anyway. She's old enough now that she can and wants to do lots of things for herself, but she's still young enough that she needs me. She can express herself and her wants, but she still likes to snuggle in my lap when she's sad. I have the best of both worlds right now and I'm going to enjoy these years.

Oh, and Aaron and I are both doing fine.

So Yeah...

I went back to work on September 17th, and H has been sick since September 18th. Ugh. Cough, cold, diarrhea, sleepless nights...ugh.

I have been known to tell moms who have been distraught about having sick babies that they should look on their bright side because their kiddos are "building up their immunity" for when they go to kindergarten. If I could go back to each moment I said that to someone, I would punch myself in the face and tell myself to shut the hell up. Because it sucks, plain and simple.

This is pretty much how my mood has been since I went back to work. Makes you glad you don't live with me, huh?

Milestone

She lost her first tooth. It's all downhill from here, you know. Next thing I know, she'll be 18 years old and wearing a "F*ck 'em Bucky" shirt at a Badger football game. *sigh*

What I've Been Up To Lately

So yeah, postings here on the blog have been scant. Turns out that having two kids is waaaaaaaay more work than having one...who knew?!? In case you were losing sleep from wondering about what it is that I do with my days, here you go. You can rest now.

-Searching for a job and going on LOTS of interviews. One of the terms of unemployment insurance is that I contact at least two prospective employers per week, and I have been living up to my end of the bargain and then some. Nothing overly promising at this point, but I am optimistic that the right thing for my family and for me will materialize. I am fortunate that I can take my time and be selective. Also, I am happy to report one positive that has come out of all of this interviewing: I discovered that I still fit in to my pre-pregnancy professional work wear. I may even need to buy some smaller dress pants!! Huzzah!

-Giving up the meat. My part-time vegan diet didn't work out well for me because, being the Wisconsin girl that I am, I found it impossible to shun dairy products for two-thirds of the day. I need my chai tea with real cow's milk every morning (face it, soy milk sucks) and I need to have cheese on my salad for lunch. BUT, I have discovered that meat is not a necessity to me. In fact, I rarely ate red meat anyway and I have never liked fish. I haven't had a bite of meat for a week now and I can honestly say that I don't miss it one bit. I've been experimenting with some new vegetarian dishes and one that I made--eggplant parmigiana--even got rave reviews at supper last night from the Queen Picky Eater herself, Gracie.

-Sleeping!! I refuse to say more because history has proven the blog effect to be VERY REAL INDEED, so I will simply say that I am well-rested for the first time in almost seven months.

-Enjoying my days with Harrison. Now that Gracie is in school, I have the opportunity for lots and lots of one-on-one time with the boy. Yes, I miss Grace and when 2:15pm comes I can't wait to pick her up from school, but at the same time, it's really nice to have some time during which I can focus all my attention on Harrison.

-Making baby food. We've been getting lots and lots of baby-friendly veggies from our CSA so I started whipping up some batches of homemade baby food for Harrison. It totally helps that he loves to eat so much--it's nice that my efforts are appreciated.

-Loving life. Need I say more?

Grace's First Day of K5 in Pictures

How excited was Grace for her first day back at school today? SO excited...in fact, it was infectious. I didn't even cry. And as much as I fretted and worried about it, we got the kids dressed, fed, and out the door on time, and there were no tears and no hassles. Whew. Here are some pics from this morning:
And I'm throwing in another picture from this past weekend's trip to the zoo, just because it cracks me up.

The Dumps

I'm gonna preface this by stating that I just returned home from a dentist appointment during which the dentist was finishing up a root canal that has taken four--FOUR--separate appointments, so I'm in a fair amount of pain and I am feeling a bit salty at the moment.

Grace starts school tomorrow. Have you seen these commercials on TV (I think they're for Staples) where the dad takes his kids back to school shopping and he's skippping around the store, gleefully tossing pads of post-it notes and other supplies into his cart while the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" plays in the background? Well, I am the opposite of that dad. In fact, tonight as I was putting Grace to bed, I whispered to her, "Thank you for spending such a wonderful summer with me," and then I broke down in sobs. SOBS. I have tears in my eyes now just thinking about it...although the feeling that a dull nail is piercing me in the jaw might have something to do with the tears.

Here's the thing. It probably wasn't a particularly memorable summer for Grace. Don't get me wrong--we did lots of fun stuff. We went to the park almost everyday. We went to a whole bunch of festivals. We went to the Children's Museum a few times. We walked to the library at least once a week. We went to the zoo at least once a week, and we even camped at the zoo a few weeks ago. We visited family. Grace had many fun playdates. But, will she remember all the fun we had in another year or two? Maybe, maybe not. But this summer will always, always be a special one for me.

Chances are, this was the one and only summer that I will be able to spend at home with my children. I have been actively looking for a job for a few weeks now--let's face it, not many families I know can live comfortably on one income--so the writing's on the wall. I'm headed back to work, and as much as I want to drag my feet and hem and haw about it, it's gonna happen sooner or later. Another summer like this one is probably not in the cards for us. And that is just heartbreaking for me.

Here come the tears again...I should be thankful, and I really, really am, that I had this opportunity. But it's hard.

I'm trying really, really hard to at least match Grace's excitement for the first day of school. And tomorrow when I drop her off, I will be all smiles and excitement...for her. And, maybe a little for me, too. But, when I turn around to walk home, I know that things just won't be quite the same without her home with me.

Harrison--Half Way to One

If you don't think he's the cutest baby boy ever, well, I just don't know about you. (Unless of course you have a baby boy of your own. In that case, you're exempt.)

The earth has made half of its yearly trip around the sun since the day my little man was born, and all that I can say is, "Wow." I say that for two reasons: 1) Where did that time go? and 2) Holy crap the boy has grown. Here are the latest stats:

Weight: 18 pounds, 11 ounces--72nd percentile
Height: 27 inches--85th percentile
Head Circumference: 47 centimeters--OFF THE CHARTS

So the boy has a big head. I could have told you that six months ago.

Harrison is adding a whole bunch of new skills to his repertoire as well. He's sitting up on his own for longer periods of time. He's *this close* to crawling. He rolls over from tummy to back and he's able to get almost all the way over from back to tummy. He's much more vocal than he's ever been, responding with laughter and smiles and coos and little spitty noises whenever someone chats with him. He LOVES to play with anyone who wants to, especially his big sister, for whom he saves his sweetest and biggest smiles. And although he hasn't cut any teeth yet, he's got at least two in the front that are visible from under the gums and are threatening to poke through any day now.

Harrison has been eating solids for a little over a month now, and we just increased his solid food feedings to three a day. So far, he has had rice cereal, all of the yellow and orange veggies, and peas--squash is his favorite so far, and peas are decidedly NOT on his top three list. We're looking forward to incorporating some fruits and maybe some other fun stuff within the next few weeks.

As far as sleep goes...well, it's okay for now. He went through a particularly difficult period recently where he was waking up several times a night to fuss. The past few nights have been all right, so here's to hoping he's getting back on his schedule of sleeping from 10pm to 5am or so. And I prolly just jinxed myself by typing that.

Happy half birthday little dude!!

I AM Blessed

So, we've been having a bit of a rough go of it lately. Our little boy has reverted back to at least three to four night wakings per night, and Grace has been having some serious sleep issues of her own. The lack of sleep that has been mounting for the past six months or so has caught up with me (and, I think, with Aaron too) and as a result, I have been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately. In fact, yesterday I felt so exhausted that I was physically sick. I once heard someone say that parenting a young baby is similar to going through boot camp...this weekend, I definitely felt like that was the absolute truth.

Tonight, as I was driving alone around our neighborhood, I had a chance to take a deep breath for the first time in quite a while, and I took a moment to gain some perspective on things. Yes, right now things are tough for us. The kids keep us up all night, but the time will come when they won't want to be around us so much anymore, and I'm sure we'll long for those middle-of-the-night snuggles. Is feeding or rocking Harrison by the light of the moon in the dead of night really such a bad thing? Is it terrible that Grace wants to spend a few extra minutes alone with me at bed time? On both counts, the answer is a resounding, "No."

These kids have brought so much love and happiness into our lives. I can suck it up for a while longer, drink truckloads of caffeine, and deal with this.

Proof Our Messages Are Sinking In

This morning, as Grace and I stood at the window and watched the pouring rain...

Me: Wow, look at all that rain! Look, our rain barrel is overflowing!

Grace: It's overflowing? All that water is coming out!!!!

Me: Yep, but that's ok.

Grace: *gasp* But all that water is being WASTED! IT'S BEING WASTED!!!!!!! MAMA!!! THE CLOUDS ARE WASTING THE WATER!!!!!!!!!

Lollapalooza: My Two Cents

Aaron and I attended two of the three days of Lollapalooza in Chicago this weekend, and apart from the crazy weather (downpours on Friday, heat and humidity on Saturday), it was a great weekend. Oddly enough though (or maybe not), the best parts of the weekend came from spending some time with friends who we don't get to see as often as we'd like to and enjoying some much-needed couple time. The music was secondary to me this weekend...to me, the most important part of our trip was hanging out with Aaron.

That said, a couple of observations on Lollapalooza...

The music lineup was very good this year, and as usual, the music portion of the festival was run like a well-oiled machine. Bands (for the most part) started on time, ended on time, and (unlike the last Lollapalooza I attended in '06) the sound at the shows was fantastic. I was pleased to experience a number of very good shows by some very talented acts--highlights were The Decemberists (naturally), Blind Pilot, Ben Folds, Gomez, and Tool.

However...

Lollapalooza hosts over 200,000 music fans, so the organizers should consider adding a few more bathroom pods. One shouldn't have to wait 30 minutes to use a filthy port-a-john. Also, since the festival is in August, a few more water stations would be a good idea. Again, festival goers shouldn't have to wait 30 minutes to fill their water bottles. I realize that the festival caters to the 18-24 year-old crowd (who probably don't mind so much or haven't been to a festival--like Bonnaroo--that has adequate and CLEAN facilities so they don't know that things can be SO much better), but still. Those of us who know better or care did notice.

Also, my beloved Decemberists: I love your new album, "The Hazards of Love" and I'm pretty sure your most devoted fans do, too. However, deciding to play the whole thing through from start to finish without any commentary was probably not the right decision, given the fact you were playing to a festival crowd, and the majority of those in the crowd had not come to see you, but rather they were holding spots near the stage to see Kings of Leon, who were playing after you. Because of this, I had to endure much eye rolling and fake yawning coming from the teenyboppers and others who don't appreciate your music as I do, and this was quite distressing indeed. Just sayin'.

All in all, Lollapalooza was a good time. But, as Aaron said, I prefer my music festivals in a field in Tennessee. Give me Bonnaroo anyday.

*Sigh*

Today has been one of those days when I marvel at the fact that my kids are clean, dressed, and have been fed three square meals. And I am really marveling at the fact that all of these things seem to take place everyday...that's something, right?

It's not a particularly bad day by any means. The kids have been well-behaved. We had a nice lunch with Aaron at the zoo, and we just returned from a nice walk to the library, where we picked up some new books for Grace and I to read together at bedtime. We're about to head out the door to grab a quick supper and then we're on to Grace's swimming lessons. By all accounts, today has been a success--no major meltdowns, no vomit, no injuries. I'm wearing the same clothes I put on this morning, so no major spit up incidents. And, Harrison managed to pee on me only once today, and that was only on my leg, so it was easily cleaned up.

So why do I feel SOOOOOOOOO drained? I feel like I've been hit by the proverbial Mack truck, except that truck backed over me a couple of times just to make sure I was down.

I can now say, unequivocally and without reserve, that being a stay-at-home mom is a far more difficult job than any other "cubicle dweller"-type job that I've had or could imagine having. It's physically challenging. It's mentally challenging. It's emotionally challenging. And there is no lunch break. There are no 15-minute solitary walks around the building to clear the mind. Hell, in my house, I rarely get to go poop alone...Grace loves to join me in the bathroom. I guess I am just tired, and I am really in need of some time to myself.

Don't get me wrong--I love my children more than anything. Staying home with them is truly a labor of love for me. But man, even moms who love their kids more than anything and would gladly spend every waking minute with them need a break.

One more day, then Aaron and I head out of town--ALONE--for the weekend. And it couldn't have come at a better time.

Funny How Things Change

The Meaning of Bliss--

Pre-baby: A romantic night out on the town with the hubs, complete with lots of wine, good food, fabulous conversation, and maybe some great live music. Or, relaxing in the sun with a good book and a cold beer.

Post-baby: Scheduling a play date for Grace during Harrison's nap time and actually having a few moments to myself to check my emails and possibly go to the bathroom.