Milestone

She lost her first tooth. It's all downhill from here, you know. Next thing I know, she'll be 18 years old and wearing a "F*ck 'em Bucky" shirt at a Badger football game. *sigh*

What I've Been Up To Lately

So yeah, postings here on the blog have been scant. Turns out that having two kids is waaaaaaaay more work than having one...who knew?!? In case you were losing sleep from wondering about what it is that I do with my days, here you go. You can rest now.

-Searching for a job and going on LOTS of interviews. One of the terms of unemployment insurance is that I contact at least two prospective employers per week, and I have been living up to my end of the bargain and then some. Nothing overly promising at this point, but I am optimistic that the right thing for my family and for me will materialize. I am fortunate that I can take my time and be selective. Also, I am happy to report one positive that has come out of all of this interviewing: I discovered that I still fit in to my pre-pregnancy professional work wear. I may even need to buy some smaller dress pants!! Huzzah!

-Giving up the meat. My part-time vegan diet didn't work out well for me because, being the Wisconsin girl that I am, I found it impossible to shun dairy products for two-thirds of the day. I need my chai tea with real cow's milk every morning (face it, soy milk sucks) and I need to have cheese on my salad for lunch. BUT, I have discovered that meat is not a necessity to me. In fact, I rarely ate red meat anyway and I have never liked fish. I haven't had a bite of meat for a week now and I can honestly say that I don't miss it one bit. I've been experimenting with some new vegetarian dishes and one that I made--eggplant parmigiana--even got rave reviews at supper last night from the Queen Picky Eater herself, Gracie.

-Sleeping!! I refuse to say more because history has proven the blog effect to be VERY REAL INDEED, so I will simply say that I am well-rested for the first time in almost seven months.

-Enjoying my days with Harrison. Now that Gracie is in school, I have the opportunity for lots and lots of one-on-one time with the boy. Yes, I miss Grace and when 2:15pm comes I can't wait to pick her up from school, but at the same time, it's really nice to have some time during which I can focus all my attention on Harrison.

-Making baby food. We've been getting lots and lots of baby-friendly veggies from our CSA so I started whipping up some batches of homemade baby food for Harrison. It totally helps that he loves to eat so much--it's nice that my efforts are appreciated.

-Loving life. Need I say more?

Grace's First Day of K5 in Pictures

How excited was Grace for her first day back at school today? SO excited...in fact, it was infectious. I didn't even cry. And as much as I fretted and worried about it, we got the kids dressed, fed, and out the door on time, and there were no tears and no hassles. Whew. Here are some pics from this morning:
And I'm throwing in another picture from this past weekend's trip to the zoo, just because it cracks me up.

The Dumps

I'm gonna preface this by stating that I just returned home from a dentist appointment during which the dentist was finishing up a root canal that has taken four--FOUR--separate appointments, so I'm in a fair amount of pain and I am feeling a bit salty at the moment.

Grace starts school tomorrow. Have you seen these commercials on TV (I think they're for Staples) where the dad takes his kids back to school shopping and he's skippping around the store, gleefully tossing pads of post-it notes and other supplies into his cart while the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" plays in the background? Well, I am the opposite of that dad. In fact, tonight as I was putting Grace to bed, I whispered to her, "Thank you for spending such a wonderful summer with me," and then I broke down in sobs. SOBS. I have tears in my eyes now just thinking about it...although the feeling that a dull nail is piercing me in the jaw might have something to do with the tears.

Here's the thing. It probably wasn't a particularly memorable summer for Grace. Don't get me wrong--we did lots of fun stuff. We went to the park almost everyday. We went to a whole bunch of festivals. We went to the Children's Museum a few times. We walked to the library at least once a week. We went to the zoo at least once a week, and we even camped at the zoo a few weeks ago. We visited family. Grace had many fun playdates. But, will she remember all the fun we had in another year or two? Maybe, maybe not. But this summer will always, always be a special one for me.

Chances are, this was the one and only summer that I will be able to spend at home with my children. I have been actively looking for a job for a few weeks now--let's face it, not many families I know can live comfortably on one income--so the writing's on the wall. I'm headed back to work, and as much as I want to drag my feet and hem and haw about it, it's gonna happen sooner or later. Another summer like this one is probably not in the cards for us. And that is just heartbreaking for me.

Here come the tears again...I should be thankful, and I really, really am, that I had this opportunity. But it's hard.

I'm trying really, really hard to at least match Grace's excitement for the first day of school. And tomorrow when I drop her off, I will be all smiles and excitement...for her. And, maybe a little for me, too. But, when I turn around to walk home, I know that things just won't be quite the same without her home with me.

Harrison--Half Way to One

If you don't think he's the cutest baby boy ever, well, I just don't know about you. (Unless of course you have a baby boy of your own. In that case, you're exempt.)

The earth has made half of its yearly trip around the sun since the day my little man was born, and all that I can say is, "Wow." I say that for two reasons: 1) Where did that time go? and 2) Holy crap the boy has grown. Here are the latest stats:

Weight: 18 pounds, 11 ounces--72nd percentile
Height: 27 inches--85th percentile
Head Circumference: 47 centimeters--OFF THE CHARTS

So the boy has a big head. I could have told you that six months ago.

Harrison is adding a whole bunch of new skills to his repertoire as well. He's sitting up on his own for longer periods of time. He's *this close* to crawling. He rolls over from tummy to back and he's able to get almost all the way over from back to tummy. He's much more vocal than he's ever been, responding with laughter and smiles and coos and little spitty noises whenever someone chats with him. He LOVES to play with anyone who wants to, especially his big sister, for whom he saves his sweetest and biggest smiles. And although he hasn't cut any teeth yet, he's got at least two in the front that are visible from under the gums and are threatening to poke through any day now.

Harrison has been eating solids for a little over a month now, and we just increased his solid food feedings to three a day. So far, he has had rice cereal, all of the yellow and orange veggies, and peas--squash is his favorite so far, and peas are decidedly NOT on his top three list. We're looking forward to incorporating some fruits and maybe some other fun stuff within the next few weeks.

As far as sleep goes...well, it's okay for now. He went through a particularly difficult period recently where he was waking up several times a night to fuss. The past few nights have been all right, so here's to hoping he's getting back on his schedule of sleeping from 10pm to 5am or so. And I prolly just jinxed myself by typing that.

Happy half birthday little dude!!

I AM Blessed

So, we've been having a bit of a rough go of it lately. Our little boy has reverted back to at least three to four night wakings per night, and Grace has been having some serious sleep issues of her own. The lack of sleep that has been mounting for the past six months or so has caught up with me (and, I think, with Aaron too) and as a result, I have been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately. In fact, yesterday I felt so exhausted that I was physically sick. I once heard someone say that parenting a young baby is similar to going through boot camp...this weekend, I definitely felt like that was the absolute truth.

Tonight, as I was driving alone around our neighborhood, I had a chance to take a deep breath for the first time in quite a while, and I took a moment to gain some perspective on things. Yes, right now things are tough for us. The kids keep us up all night, but the time will come when they won't want to be around us so much anymore, and I'm sure we'll long for those middle-of-the-night snuggles. Is feeding or rocking Harrison by the light of the moon in the dead of night really such a bad thing? Is it terrible that Grace wants to spend a few extra minutes alone with me at bed time? On both counts, the answer is a resounding, "No."

These kids have brought so much love and happiness into our lives. I can suck it up for a while longer, drink truckloads of caffeine, and deal with this.

Proof Our Messages Are Sinking In

This morning, as Grace and I stood at the window and watched the pouring rain...

Me: Wow, look at all that rain! Look, our rain barrel is overflowing!

Grace: It's overflowing? All that water is coming out!!!!

Me: Yep, but that's ok.

Grace: *gasp* But all that water is being WASTED! IT'S BEING WASTED!!!!!!! MAMA!!! THE CLOUDS ARE WASTING THE WATER!!!!!!!!!

Lollapalooza: My Two Cents

Aaron and I attended two of the three days of Lollapalooza in Chicago this weekend, and apart from the crazy weather (downpours on Friday, heat and humidity on Saturday), it was a great weekend. Oddly enough though (or maybe not), the best parts of the weekend came from spending some time with friends who we don't get to see as often as we'd like to and enjoying some much-needed couple time. The music was secondary to me this weekend...to me, the most important part of our trip was hanging out with Aaron.

That said, a couple of observations on Lollapalooza...

The music lineup was very good this year, and as usual, the music portion of the festival was run like a well-oiled machine. Bands (for the most part) started on time, ended on time, and (unlike the last Lollapalooza I attended in '06) the sound at the shows was fantastic. I was pleased to experience a number of very good shows by some very talented acts--highlights were The Decemberists (naturally), Blind Pilot, Ben Folds, Gomez, and Tool.

However...

Lollapalooza hosts over 200,000 music fans, so the organizers should consider adding a few more bathroom pods. One shouldn't have to wait 30 minutes to use a filthy port-a-john. Also, since the festival is in August, a few more water stations would be a good idea. Again, festival goers shouldn't have to wait 30 minutes to fill their water bottles. I realize that the festival caters to the 18-24 year-old crowd (who probably don't mind so much or haven't been to a festival--like Bonnaroo--that has adequate and CLEAN facilities so they don't know that things can be SO much better), but still. Those of us who know better or care did notice.

Also, my beloved Decemberists: I love your new album, "The Hazards of Love" and I'm pretty sure your most devoted fans do, too. However, deciding to play the whole thing through from start to finish without any commentary was probably not the right decision, given the fact you were playing to a festival crowd, and the majority of those in the crowd had not come to see you, but rather they were holding spots near the stage to see Kings of Leon, who were playing after you. Because of this, I had to endure much eye rolling and fake yawning coming from the teenyboppers and others who don't appreciate your music as I do, and this was quite distressing indeed. Just sayin'.

All in all, Lollapalooza was a good time. But, as Aaron said, I prefer my music festivals in a field in Tennessee. Give me Bonnaroo anyday.

*Sigh*

Today has been one of those days when I marvel at the fact that my kids are clean, dressed, and have been fed three square meals. And I am really marveling at the fact that all of these things seem to take place everyday...that's something, right?

It's not a particularly bad day by any means. The kids have been well-behaved. We had a nice lunch with Aaron at the zoo, and we just returned from a nice walk to the library, where we picked up some new books for Grace and I to read together at bedtime. We're about to head out the door to grab a quick supper and then we're on to Grace's swimming lessons. By all accounts, today has been a success--no major meltdowns, no vomit, no injuries. I'm wearing the same clothes I put on this morning, so no major spit up incidents. And, Harrison managed to pee on me only once today, and that was only on my leg, so it was easily cleaned up.

So why do I feel SOOOOOOOOO drained? I feel like I've been hit by the proverbial Mack truck, except that truck backed over me a couple of times just to make sure I was down.

I can now say, unequivocally and without reserve, that being a stay-at-home mom is a far more difficult job than any other "cubicle dweller"-type job that I've had or could imagine having. It's physically challenging. It's mentally challenging. It's emotionally challenging. And there is no lunch break. There are no 15-minute solitary walks around the building to clear the mind. Hell, in my house, I rarely get to go poop alone...Grace loves to join me in the bathroom. I guess I am just tired, and I am really in need of some time to myself.

Don't get me wrong--I love my children more than anything. Staying home with them is truly a labor of love for me. But man, even moms who love their kids more than anything and would gladly spend every waking minute with them need a break.

One more day, then Aaron and I head out of town--ALONE--for the weekend. And it couldn't have come at a better time.

Funny How Things Change

The Meaning of Bliss--

Pre-baby: A romantic night out on the town with the hubs, complete with lots of wine, good food, fabulous conversation, and maybe some great live music. Or, relaxing in the sun with a good book and a cold beer.

Post-baby: Scheduling a play date for Grace during Harrison's nap time and actually having a few moments to myself to check my emails and possibly go to the bathroom.

Unemployed

Today, I joined the ranks of the millions of other Americans whose jobs have been axed due to the economy...I got laid off.

As you might remember, I decided to take an extended leave of absence after my maternity leave ran out on May 19th. My plan was to take the entire summer off so that I could stay home with Grace and Harrison, and then to return to work in September when Grace starts school again. Harrison would go into day care, and I would return to work full time. That was the plan.

However, plans change. Today I got a call from my employer...my former employer...telling me that volumes are down at work and that I had two options. I could extend my leave indefinitely and technically remain an employee (who doesn't actually work) and then if a position opened up (highly unlikely), I could apply for it. Or, I could just be laid off and be in a status of "eligible for rehire". I went with the second option--at least in a lay off, I can claim unemployment.

I can't say that I am too surprised about all of this. I mean, the economy continues to suck, and my former employer has had to make cuts just like everyone else. And, I am super excited to be an official Stay At Home Mom. I plan to volunteer at Grace's school during the week--something I wouldn't have been able to do while I was working. And, I can rest assured that I will be able to witness all of Harrison's firsts that I might have missed had I been at work. I can't think of a more wonderful or fulfilling undertaking.

However, I can't help but feel a little disappointed about all of this as well. When I was working, I worked my ass off...there was rarely a night when I wasn't checking emails or doing other work long after Grace was asleep. I cared about my job, about my reputation at work, and about my rapport with my client. I cared so much, in fact, that the stress ended up affecting my health and the health of my child during the last few months of my pregnancy. I thought that I was an invaluable employee and that my employer would be so thrilled and relieved to have me back from leave. I thought that all the hard work I put in would somehow matter. I thought that the fact I did care so much would count for something. I thought it would matter that I was sticking it out and working even harder so that I could prove that I was still a valuable employee even though I was eight months pregnant and working from home.

But I'm not special. I'm not exempt. It didn't matter.

Come to think of it, I guess I'd rather spend my days with those who truly need and appreciate me.

Harrison--5 months old

Advanced Degree in Motherhood

On Friday, I traveled with my parents and the kiddos to LaCrosse to watch my younger sister receive her Master's degree in Education. I'm so happy for her--she worked hard, she sacrificed a lot, and as I watched her receive her degree on Friday, I couldn't have been prouder of her.

It's funny...I always thought I was going to be the first in my family to earn an advanced degree. After all, I was the first to earn a Bachelor's, and while I was in college, my long-term goal was to earn a Doctorate in Spanish and become a college professor. My plan was to teach for a few years and earn my Master's while I taught, and then when I had saved up some money, I would go back to school and get my PhD. Then I would find a job teaching Spanish at some university somewhere, travel all over the place, write books, and finally retire to a tiny fishing village in Mexico.

But sometimes things don't turn out as planned. Life happens. I tried teaching for two years and ended up not liking it much at all. Instead of starting coursework for my Master's, I decided to go down another path--take the LSAT and apply to law school to study immigration law. I took the LSAT, placed in the top 10% in the nation, and applied and was accepted to the UW Law School. Before I started, though, I decided to become a mom instead. Soon, I had Grace and became a single mother, and I was more focused on earning a living than I was about furthering my education.

There are times when I think about going back to school, and I probably will after Harrison starts kindergarten (to pursue a degree in Nursing), but right now I just can't imagine trying to keep up with all of the housework and the kids and possibly a full-time job while heaping schoolwork on top of it all. My long-term goal is now a distant memory, replaced instead by the reality of raising children and managing a household.

My mom asked me on Friday if I was sad at all that I didn't have my Master's yet. After all, she knows better than anyone that, at one point in my life at least, I couldn't earn it fast enough. But, as I looked at my kids I knew for certain that I wouldn't have things any other way. I am a mom, and I can't imagine doing anything more important than that. I may not have the alphabet soup behind my name, but I have more treasures in my life than I ever imagined I would have. Happiness is my reward.

But I'm still planning to retire to that tiny fishing village in Mexico...

Veggies, Apples, and Roller Skates

We didn't plant our garden this year. We had the best intentions. Really. We started a ton of seeds indoors and Aaron even mapped out how he wanted everything planted once the threat of frost was gone. But, the seeds we started inside were started a bit too soon and they ended up dying before we could get them in the ground. And, as much as we thought we would just be able to plop Harrison in his car seat and plunk him on the ground while we planted, one of us (or both of us) would inevitably end up on baby duty.

So, this year we decided to try something on a smaller scale, and so far, so good. We decided to plant a salad table in which we would grow some greens and we would get the rest of our veggies from our CSA. Aaron made our salad table from scratch using some lumber, mesh wire, and duct tape, and he even made Gracie her own little salad box so she could plant and care for some veggies of her own.

Our salad table (we planted beets, spinach, lettuce, and radishes):
Grace's salad box (she planted lettuce and peas):

We also received two plants from our CSA this year. The first is a rosemary plant, and the second is our only tomato plant, which (happily) is already sprouting some nice looking tomatoes:
Our nicest gardening surprise of this year came from our apple tree. Last year we decided to purchase and plant an apple tree in our back yard, but because we weren't certain whether or not the tree was self-pollenating, we weren't sure the tree would ever produce apples. But, Aaron noticed something on the tree a couple of weeks ago and called me over to show me...we have apples!!

And, this has nothing to do with gardening, but Grace wanted to me to take a couple of pictures while she was roller skating--her newest undertaking. Literally one second after I snapped the first shot, she took a pretty nasty fall:

4th of July Weekend in Pictures

We had a fantastic 4th of July weekend--here's a peek!!

Grace jumping around in one of the inflatables at Summerfest (this pic cracks me up--maybe because Grace just barely made it into the frame of the shot):

Harrison at his very first parade, being held by one of his proud grammas:
Aaron and Harrison and part of one of the famous Racing Sausages (only in Milwaukee do people get so excited about grown men dressing up as tubes of processed meat) at the Humboldt Park Neighborhood parade:
Grace marching for the first time with the Tippe Twirlers, her school's baton twirling group:
Harrison, decked out in Daddy's sunglasses and the ubiquitous nookie at the South Shore Farmer's Market:

Gracie, wearing my sunglasses, at South Park in Oshkosh (we were there visiting my parents):

A great weekend, capped off by Aaron and I having a chance to watch four old episodes of "Lost" uninterrupted--always a wonderful thing!

It just struck me that I am not in any of these pics. Someone's gotta be behind the camera, I suppose...

Spoke Too Soon

From last post:

"And--I'm almost afraid to say it because it's too good to be true and I don't want to jinx it--Harrison is sleeping 6 to 8 hours at a stretch at night. He usually has his last bottle of the evening between 8:00pm and 9:00pm, and then he falls asleep and generally doesn't wake up until 4:00am or 4:30am. We'd love to see him stretch that to 5:30am or 6:00am, but hey, I'm happy with this for a while."

It would appear as though I spoke too soon. For the past week, H has been up at least twice a night, sometimes more. If I'm not mistaken (or perhaps I'm hallucinating from lack of sleep), H has a couple of little tooth buds appearing under the surface of his lower gums, so that would explain this recent, unfortunate turn of events. Or, it could be that the little dude is just plain HUNGRY, despite the fact that he continues to eat more and more each day--another reason to perhaps bring on the solids. Either way, we've come back to the fog.

*sigh*

On a happier note, we had a fab 4th of July weekend, and I will be posting photos soon!!

Harrison: Four Month Checkup

Can you believe my little dude is four months old already?!? It seems like just yesterday I was staring at my six-pound peanut in the NICU, and now here we are, calling Harrison "the tank" because he's gotten so big! We had his four month checkup today, and here are the latest stats:

Weight: 15 pounds, 2 ounces--56th percentile for his age
Height: 25.5 inches--73rd percentile for his age
Head Circumference: 44.5 centimeters--95th percentile for his age

That last stat is no shock at all--Aaron and I both have huge melons. Heads, I mean, although I have rather large melons of the other sort as well. But that's another story.

So, our little man is growing quite nicely. He's also performing lots of really cool feats! He has started to roll over (from tummy to back--he hasn't rolled the other way yet). He is able to support his head unassisted and he has great control of his head. He is able to sit up with help. He bears all of his weight on his legs when he is standing (supported, of course). He smiles all the time (he's quite possibly one of the smiliest babies I have ever seen), he cackles and giggles, he squeals in delight, he coos and truly interacts with anyone who chats with him--ah, babyhood is truly magical.

He's eating right around 30 ounces of formula everyday and he has stretched his feedings out now from every 2.5 or 3 hours to every 3.5 or 4 hours, which is a welcome change. Our pediatrician wants us to wait until H turns five months before starting him on solids, but I don't know. I started Grace out on rice cereal when she was four months old, and she did a great job. I'll give it a couple of weeks and then we might go ahead and give it a shot.

And--I'm almost afraid to say it because it's too good to be true and I don't want to jinx it--Harrison is sleeping 6 to 8 hours at a stretch at night. He usually has his last bottle of the evening between 8:00pm and 9:00pm, and then he falls asleep and generally doesn't wake up until 4:00am or 4:30am. We'd love to see him stretch that to 5:30am or 6:00am, but hey, I'm happy with this for a while.

(L.W.W.B., you were right--it did happen very quickly. Suddenly, this past Monday night, he slept from 9:00pm until 4:30am for us, and he's been doing it every night since.)

I am truly, truly treasuring every single moment with my little boy, because I know from experience that this wonderful phase will pass far too quickly. I want to kiss those chubby cheeks as much as I can. I want to take in that heavenly baby head smell. I want to nibble on those little toes and ears and that little tummy. I want to hold him in my arms and watch him sleeping.

And the moment you've all been waiting for....the four month picture. Try not to go blind from the cuteness.

Allow Me To Brag For A Moment...

So I know I should be paying closer attention to this town hall meeting thingy that the Prez is holding regarding health care right now, but yeah, I'm tired and my brain is goop and I'm content to just listen to his voice (it's like BUTTAH) and I thought it would be MORE important to brag about my kid for a bit. I'll catch up on all this health care noise later.

Anyhoo, Grace has been enrolled in swimming class continuously for almost two years now at our local YMCA. We started her out in a parent-child class because she was afraid of the water and we wanted to at least expose her to the idea of swimming--my in-laws live on a lake and my family has a cabin on a lake so we spend lots of time as a family in and around water, especially in the summer time. Grace enjoyed the parent-child class, so we went ahead and enrolled her in a kids-only class, and, much to our delight, she did pretty darn well. Over the past several months, she has become brave enough and confident enough in her skills to swim underwater, excel at both the front and back floats, and swim a pretty decent front stroke and back stroke. She's also learning the side stroke and is starting to get the hang of that as well. She dives underwater, too, with no problems at all.

For this summer session, the Y introduced block scheduling for the swimming classes--you sign your kid up for a time that works for you, and then the teachers give the kids a short swimming test and group them into classes based on their skill level. So, tonight was Grace's first class with this new setup, and there were five other kids, about her age, that had signed up for the same timeslot. The teachers dove in and asked the kids to get into the pool "the safe way" (which basically means that the kids sit on the edge of the pool, put their hands on the edge on one side, and slowly twist themselves down into the pool). Grace was the only one who knew what to do. Then, the teachers asked the kids to blow bubbles (at this point I'm thinking, "Seriously?!?") and again, Grace was the only one who was able to do that well. The kids were asked to bob completely under the water, and while the other kids were busy touching their noses and foreheads to the surface of the water, Grace was completely submerged.

By this time, the teachers noticed that one of these things was not like the other, so one of the teachers took Grace aside and asked her if she knew how to float. Grace did both a front and a back float, and the teacher was impressed. Then, she asked Grace to do the front, back, and side strokes, and Grace did each with relative ease. The teacher that was working with Grace motioned to the other teacher and the two chatted quietly, and the only thing I was able to get with my ninja sense of hearing was "She's the only one."

Of course, this whole time I'm sitting on the sidelines watching all of this unfold and whispering totally inappropriate and cocky things about the other kids to Aaron ("Ha! They can't do it!" and "Can he float?!? That's a negative!!!") and glowing about how awesome my kid was. I may have a problem. In fact, I usually go and sit in the hot tub while Grace is in swim class, but tonight I couldn't bear to stay in the hot tub because I wanted to watch Gracie strut her stuff.

The teacher that worked with Grace came over to us and explained that her swimming skills were on a much higher level than the other children's and that she would like to move her to a different time slot for the rest of the session so that she could have a class with another little boy who was also ahead of the other kids in his block. Of course we agreed that this would be the best thing for Grace (huzzah!!) and for the rest of the time, the teacher gave Grace some private instruction in the big pool.

I'm so fricking proud of the kid. She used to be TERRIFIED of the water...she wouldn't even go in at one point. Now she's a little fish. She's totally awesome.

This is coming from her mom, who used to fake having her period for three weeks at a time so she wouldn't have to go in the pool for gym class in high school.

Wherein I Realize That I Am The Problem

My father-in-law has been known to say that as a parent, one makes mistakes daily, and the more experience I get under my belt as a mommy, the more I realize that he is absolutely right. My first mistake of the day (well, my first PARENTING mistake of the day) occurred this morning when I dropped Grace off for her first day of day camp at the YMCA.

Before I tell the story, an admission: I admit to feeling anxious about today. Last night as I was packing Grace's backpack and her lunch for today, I had that same vaguely sick, nervous feeling I would get in the pit of my stomach before I had my own first days of Girl Scout camp, band camp, etc. It's hard (for me, anyway) to go to a place where I don't know anyone and be expected to have a good time right away. I need time to warm up, and, I thought, Grace is the same way. She used to be the same way. She needed to go into new environments slowly, hanging back and observing for a while and clinging to my hand before she dove in. And so, I felt nervous for her, knowing that she would be doing something new with a group of people she didn't know, and honestly, I didn't know that the drop off this morning would go well. I thought there would be tears and clinging and coaxing and the inevitable guilt that comes with leaving your frightened child with a group of people she doesn't know well yet.

God. Writing it down makes it seem like my kid is a wuss. She's not. It's me.

So, on the way to the Y this morning, I spent a lot of time telling Grace that she was going to have SO MUCH FUN at day camp and that she was going to make ALL SORTS OF FRIENDS and how I was SO JEALOUS that she was going to have so much fun. At the time, I thought I was trying to convince Grace that this was a wonderful idea, but now, I realize I was trying to convince myself. And Grace just sat in the back seat, listening to me and giving me the occasional, "Uh huh."

When we arrived at camp, we proceeded to the check-in area, and as soon as she was checked in, Grace acted like she was just going to run off into the playground without me. When I told her to wait up, she rolled her eyes a little bit but conceded, and then I escorted her over to the shed where the kids' backpacks and lunches were being kept for the day. After Grace dropped her stuff off, I asked the camp counselor who was manning the shed if I should walk Grace to the playground. His response was, "Or she can just run over there herself." Hmm. Much to my surprise, Grace begged me to run over to the playground herself, but I told her that I would walk there with her to make sure she was all right. Ugh.

So, I walked her over to an area where some little girls were playing with puzzles and asked her if she wanted to sit down and play. She looked at the playground for a moment as she was deciding what she wanted to do, and then another camp counselor came over and introduced herself to Grace. She asked Grace if she was nervous to be alone without Mommy today, and Grace answered, confidently, "No." The counselor asked Grace if she wanted to play on the playground, and Grace of course said that she wanted to. Then I glanced around the playground and realized that I was the only parent there. And Grace and the counselor both looked at me as if to ask, "So what's the problem?"

Argh. I am the problem.

Sorry, kiddo. Go run and play.

What To Do This Summer?

Today is Day One of Grace's summer break, and currently Harrison is fast asleep and Gracie is contentedly watching Sesame Street (Neil Patrick Harris as The Shoe Fairy? Divine.) after just finishing up a game of Dominoes (she beat me...again). So far, Grace doesn't seem to be too terribly bored and I haven't had any trouble managing the two kiddos together, but we are only four hours or so into summer break, and I realize that keeping things interesting for the next three months might be a challenge at times. So, I have gathered my information, brainstormed with my hubby and others, and I have come up with a list of fun (and cheap) stuff to do and places to go this summer:

-Milwaukee County Zoo. Now that we have purchased our zoo pass, admission and parking are free for the rest of the year, we're not wasting all kinds of money if we can't devote an entire day to the zoo (which is tough with two little ones anyway). Also, since Aaron works less than a mile from the zoo, we can meet him there once a week for a picnic lunch!
-Betty Brinn Children's Museum. The museum has free admission on Mondays in the summer, and Grace LOVES going there.
-Milwaukee Public Museum. Also offers free admission on Mondays, and Grace has already expressed an interest in going.
-Milwaukee Art Museum. This museum offers free admission on Wednesdays from 10am to 5pm for Milwaukee County residents. Our art museum really caters well to kids. In fact, Grace had several field trips there with her class this year and can't wait to go back.
-Mitchell Park Domes. The domes offer free admission on Mondays from 9am till noon. We've never been to the domes--this summer, we will have plenty of opportunities to go.
-YMCA Day Camp. I have enrolled Grace in two weeks of day camp at our YMCA this summer. One week is Sparkles and Princess Camp (naturally) and the second week is Storybooks and Fairytales Camp.
-Tippecanoe Neighborhood Library. Our neighborhood library offers free story time on Thursdays at 10:30, and they also have a summertime reading program for kids ages three and up. I will be enrolling Grace in that program when we hit story time tomorrow. She's just getting the hang of reading and I want her to keep it up!!
-Summerfest. Grace was one of several students who were selected to plant flowers on the Summerfest grounds a month or so back, and because of her work, she earned four tickets for free weekday admission! Also, June 29th is Kids' Day at Summerfest, which includes free admission for families.
-Milwaukee County Parks. There are quite a few parks and playgrounds within walking distance of our house, so we could probably visit a new park once a week and not visit the same one twice.
-State Fair. Cream puffs and reuben rolls. Need I say more?
-Brewer Games. We took Grace to her first Brewer game last summer and she has been begging to go to another one ever since. There are plenty of games that have a 1:05pm start time, so we can make it to a game or two without sacrificing bed time.
-Play Dates. Several of us moms in Grace's class have expressed an interest in getting our kids together for play dates, and Grace is totally down with the idea.
-Farmers Markets. We will be attending the South Shore Farmers Market weekly to pick up our CSA share, but there are quite a few others around the city that I would like to visit as well.
-The Fests. Milwaukee is a festival city...Polish Fest, German Fest, Irish Fest, Bastille Days, Festa Italiana, Mexican Fiesta, among others. It'll be easy to hit these up this summer.

There are also attractions in the region that offer free or low-cost admission and have plenty of kid-friendly things to do:

-Apple Holler
-The Elegant Farmer
-Jelly Belly Center

And, naturally, we will have trips to visit grandparents and other relatives and friends. I'm sure there will also be the occasional lazy day around the house.

Whew. Do we have enough summer for all this stuff?