Harrison Glen, born Wednesday 2/25/09 at 2:56pm. Weight is 6lbs 4oz, length is 19 inches.
And yeah, ya know how they say second labors are soooo much easier than the first? Not so much with this one. Brutal. Will post birth story and pics when I've had a chance to recover.
I am being induced today. Holy shit.
BP was 161/100 and Dr. Fab said that since I am a few days shy of 37 weeks, the risks of keeping Tater inside outweigh the benefits. We're packing now and heading to the hospital in a few minutes.
We'll keep you posted. Send us all good thoughts please.
Is it just me, or does the new Illinois governor look a lot like George Washington?
At least it doesn't look like he has wooden teeth.
Don't mind me...just trying to occupy my mind while I have these weird Braxton Hicks contractions every 10 minutes or so.
...here is the latest quote from the Palin family, this time from Bristol, the new mommy:
""I'd love to [be] an advocate to prevent teen pregnancy because it's not, like, a situation that you would want to strive for, I guess," Bristol said.
Speaks for itself. Geez.
I know I have been relatively quiet as of late, and that's just because not much is happening right now...other than waiting. I'm 35 weeks and 2 days today, so I am settling into that end-of-pregnancy lethargy and zombie-ness. I make my way through my days as best I can, then at night, when the work is done and Grace is in bed, I flop down on the couch and inevitably fall asleep just so Aaron can wake me up so I can drag myself to bed. I am asleep before my head hits the pillow and then I am woken up several times in the middle of the night, usually by the stray charley horse in my legs or by all of the fluid that needs to be dealt with in my compressed bladder. I thank God everyday that my husband is nesting, because I certainly don't have the energy for all that noise. Thanks to him, the house is cleaner and more organized than it has been since I moved in, and it is ready for the baby.
The birthing class is over, the crib is assembled, the Costco membership has been purchased, the chest freezer is installed and ready for breastmilk (thanks for the idea, LWWB), the baby clothes are washed, and Gracie's sibling class is coming up on Saturday. Really and truly, all that's left is the waiting.
I had my first of two weekly prenatal appointments today, and the BP is back up, but that's no surprise. Dr. Fab keeps saying, "37 weeks would be perfect," but we have yet to schedule an induction, mostly because she always wants to wait to see what the next appointment brings. All of my NST's have been perfect--they always show lots of little happy accelerations from Tater and the stray contractions, which are becoming a tad more frequent and noticeably more like period cramps than just plain belly hardening. Today I had the Group B strep test done and when Dr. Fab checked me, she indicated that baby has definitely dropped some in my pelvis and that I'm about 40% effaced, but no dilation as of yet. She sounded confident in telling us that she didn't think labor would start this week or this weekend.
I guess there's some more waiting in store...
Aaron and I decided to skip Valentine's Day this year. A few months back, we scheduled ourselves to attend an all-day birthing class on V-Day so it's not like we would have tons of time for a whirlwind of romantic activities that day anyway, but the whole idea of Valentine's Day is making me a little nauseous this year. And it's not just the hormones...
First off, these jewelry stores have some real balls advertising their diamond V-Day jewelry "sales" with the economy being the way it is. My daughter watches maybe an hour of TV every day, and she knows that stupid "he went to Jared" tag line by heart because of their ubiquitous commercials. They drive me crazy. Does the average American family have an extra $700 to spend on a diamond tennis bracelet for Mommy? If the average family is anything like ours, the answer is no. And if you do have some extra cash hanging around, my thought is that you'd be better off throwing it at your mortgage or paying down your other debt instead of buying a piece of jewelry that's going to sit on a dresser 90% of the time anyway. I just don't understand the extravagance that is still being encouraged in these troubled times. Know what I'm sayin'?
And I'm tired of the notion that one specific day needs to be designated in order to express your undying love and devotion to your partner/spouse/significant other. It's like the fiancee preparing for her wedding day instead of preparing herself for her marriage. Yes, the day itself is nice, but what about the rest of your relationship? Why should we reserve the nice date nights and the chocolates and the "I love you's" for Valentine's Day? Aren't those things even MORE appreciated when they come for no reason at all, when it's not all forced and syrupy? Frankly, I'd rather have my husband bring me a bouquet of flowers he picked himself in the middle of summer instead of feeling forced to buy me a dozen overpriced roses on V-Day.
So, this year I proposed a skip on the whole V-Day noise--no flowers, no gifts, no fancy schmancy dinner out-- and Aaron seemed just fine with that. After all, we'll be spending the day preparing for the arrival of our son, and I really can't think of anything more romantic than that.
Today is February 10th, and here is a shot of my backyard...here in Milwaukee, WI, which is generally a frozen wasteland during this time of year:
That one little patch of snow that's remaining is all like, "You're not taking me down! I'm staying here!! I don't care that it's almost 60 degrees!" And wow, our lawn will need some work come Spring.
Yes, I said 60 degrees. In Milwaukee, in February. It's unbelievable. And it's not going to last. Today is our one day of warm weather before temperatures plunge back into the 30's and you can be sure the snow and related unpleasantness won't be far behind. That Mother Nature is one mean tease.
This feels like the calm before the storm. Today, all is peaceful and cheery...the birds are singing, the sun is shining, the windows are open and a nice warm(ish) breeze is floating around the house. What is lurking around the corner? Are we about to be walloped with a foot of snow and temps below zero?
Sorta feels like that in my life right now. I had a doctor's appointment today, and my doctor called me "boringly normal". My BP was good (for once). My weight is good. Baby looked great during the NST. And although Dr. Fab mentioned she'd like to see me deliver around 37 or 38 weeks, she did bring up the possibility of going into labor naturally (provided it's before 40 weeks). Is this the calm before the storm? Is this our chance to breathe and relax and step back a little before our own little storm comes blowing in?
So I totally stole this off another blog, but there is this website out there called Wordle and if you type your blog's URL into the website, it spits out a little word picture of what your blog is all about. I went for it, and here is what it came up with:
I find it interesting that "bed" is the biggest word on here. Hmmm...
Yeah, I know this story is weeks old, but today I was surfing around on my news sites and came across this link on cnn.com:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/05/1549.voice.recorder.tape/index.html
It is the audio of what happened in the last three minutes or so of that US Airways flight that ended up in the Hudson River a few weeks back. I listened to the audio three times and it still amazes me how CALM everyone on the recording sounds, including and especially the pilot, Captain Sullenberger. The last thing he says on the recording is "We're gonna be in the Hudson," and he says it like he's saying, "I'm gonna be at the store. We need milk and eggs." There is no indication of fear or anxiety in his voice, and that just blows my mind. Here's how the recording would sound if I, the Queen of the Fear of Flying, happened to be piloting the plane:
"OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!!!!!! I THINK I JUST POOPED!!!!!!!!! OH, THERE'S THE HUDSON RIVER...OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!"
If THAT recording showed up on cnn.com, I would be totally embarrased. So let's all be glad I'm not a pilot. And even if I was piloting the plane and the outcome was the same and everyone survived, I'm pretty sure President Obama wouldn't call me and invite me to his inauguration. I'm pretty sure he would call me and tell me to watch some footage of him in the debates so I could learn about grace under pressure. And then he would probably sign some sort of proclamation stating that I could never fly a plane again, and I think that would be ok with me. I definitely wouldn't have gotten invited to hang out on the sidelines at the Super Bowl.
Moral of this story: If Sully ain't piloting the plane, I ain't flying. Also, birds aren't taking me out, so good luck getting me back on a plane anytime soon.
P.S. Does typing "President Obama" give anyone else happy shivers, or is it just me??
...and OMG. This is the best lineup that I think I have ever seen for Bonnaroo. You can check it out at Bonnaroo's site, but here are the highlights (in my opinion):
Phish
The Decemberists
Ben Harper
Beastie Boys
Nine Inch Nails
Rodrigo y Gabriela
Of Montreal
MGMT
And oh yeah...the headliner for the weekend? Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. I don't even care about them. I mean, c'mon!! THE DECEMBERISTS?!?!? NIN?!?! BEN HARPER!?!? The only notable acts missing from this year's lineup are Ben Folds and Death Cab for Cutie, but they were both there last year and we got to see them then, so I suppose it's all good.
Seeing the lineup today made me clutch my chest and gasp for air. Why? Because Aaron and I had agreed NOT to go to Bonnaroo this year. Tater will only be a couple of months old when the 'Roo rolls around, and I put my foot down and said that I won't leave him for a long weekend when he is that little, especially since I plan to nurse him. Aaron put his foot down and said no, we can't take him with us because Tennessee in June is too hot (even though I offered up the idea of renting an RV with AIR CONDITIONING). I could bend and tell Aaron to just go and have a good time but then again, um, no. I know myself and I know I would be pissed off the whole time he would be gone. Clearly, we are out of options. Ugh.
Whaddya think the chances are that all of these fabulous bands are making the festival circuit this year and will also be playing Lollapalooza, which is coming up in Ausgust in Chicago? Really, Lollapalooza would be much more feasible for us this year than Bonnaroo. C'mon, throw me a bone, here...
What is it about Ikea that makes the (relatively) frugal abandon all frugality and spend like the credit card is expiring, like, tomorrow? Is it the Swedish meatballs? Is it the fun Swedish product names? Is it the awe-inspiring shopping cart escalators??
We headed down to Ikea on Saturday for our annual "Aaron just got his bonus, yippee, let's go to Ikea!!" shopping trip, and we had the best intentions. Really, we did---we had a list! And a plan!! We had planned to just get the essentials--some storage boxes that would fit in our living room coffee table, a table large enough to accommodate our mail and a small shredder (since handling and organizing mail seems to be an issue in our household), and a small toy box for the toys that migrate from Grace's room to the living room (new rule--all toys that are kept in living room must fit in toy box or they must go back to bedroom). Oh, and we did end up buying all of those things. We also bought this:
Yep, we bought Grace a new bed. And a shell-shaped light. And a frilly, castle-like curtain thing for above her bed.
We hadn't even intended on visiting the children's section at Ikea this weekend, but we were drawn in somehow. It all started when we were attempting to scuttle Grace AWAY from the children's section but the sounds of kids playing on the little tables and chairs and crawling around in the little tents soon drew Grace in, and before we knew it, Aaron and I were both eyeing the furniture and the bedding and considering how this stuff might look in our house. And then I saw this pretty little bed and thought, "Really, how practical IS it that Grace has a queen-sized bed? She's four! Surely a twin bed would be a much better option for her! Perhaps her recent sleep issues are all because she's in such a BIG bed all by herself and she feels lost in it! This could be the answer to our prayers! And it looks like a princess bed! I could sell this to her as a princess bed, and surely she will want to spend all night in it!!" And then I showed the bed to Aaron, and he was all like, "Huh, think of the space we would save with having a smaller bed in her room! We would ACTUALLY have room for all of her toys here in her room, and we wouldn't have to keep some in the living room! You are truly wise, wife of mine!!"
We showed the bed to Grace who immediately saw the princess-ness of it, and oh! What about the pretty castle-like curtain for around the bed?!? Look at those shell lights! They most definitely fit with the Little Mermaid motif that we already have going in her room! And, Grace assured us that she would absolutely, positively spend the entire night sleeping in her bedroom if she could have this bed. Problem solved!!
And so, we bought the bed and Aaron spent yesterday afternoon putting the bed together and then Grace and I got it all prettified with her new princess sheets and her other princess paraphenalia. Then each of us rolled around on the new bed for a while, marveling at how comfortable and cute it is!! Grace even went to bed so easily last night that I was sure that all of our sleep problems were behind us. This whole new bed idea was a stroke of genius!!
I'm sure those of you who are parents and who are clearly smarter than me can tell me what happened next...she was awake less than two hours after she fell asleep, wanting to come and sleep in our room. And instead of having a spacious queen-sized bed to soothe her in, I had to wedge my way into this twin-sized bed with her and try to find a comfortable position in which I could rub her back and stroke her hair and wait for her to fall back asleep. Two hours LATER, she was back in her little bed that we have stationed on our bedroom floor. Sigh.
At least we DO have more space in her room for her stuff, and the new toy box and mail table look pretty darn good in our living room. Anyone need a queen-sized bed?
Today as I was driving home from my weekly doctor appointment, I passed Miller Park and noticed that the marquee out front was displaying a countdown clock, counting down the days until the Brew Crew's pitchers and catchers report for training camp. (Is it called training camp for baseball?? I'm a football girl.) I couldn't help but smile to myself...when baseball season ended last year, I often thought to myself that come NEXT baseball season, we would have a new baby in the house. And now the pitchers and catchers are reporting for training in fourteen days. Sheesh.
Anyway, today was my first of many scheduled fetal non-stress tests and happily, Tater looks great. His heartbeat galloped along at around 140 bpm and there were plenty of little accelerations as he squirmed around. He is growing nicely, measuring in at around 34 weeks (still about two weeks big, but Dr. Fab is cool with that). He is definitely head down and his little back side is pointing upwards, so if he stays put, he's in the perfect position for delivery. Also, Dr. Fab did a cervical check today because I have been having some terrible back and pelvic pain lately, and fortunately, things are still thick and closed and tilted backwards, and Tater hasn't engaged yet. Tater gets an A+ for today.
I, however, seem to have boarded the blood pressure roller coaster and I just can't seem to get off. After having pretty darn good readings for a couple of weeks, my BP is inching back up again...not to levels that are terribly dangerous, but just enough for Dr. Fab to remind me that she doesn't want to have to lecture me about taking it easy. And, for the first time, today Dr. Fab brought up The "I" Word--induction. She wants to monitor things for a couple more weeks, but she thinks that we (she, Aaron, and I) will need to decide in the upcoming weeks if enough is enough and whether or not I should be induced at 37 or 38 weeks. That's less than six weeks away. And suddenly I am in a panic about my house and cribs and high chairs and layettes and pediatricians, etc. And let's not even bring up the circumcision question. Really. I'm done talking about it.
I had really hoped to avoid induction this time around, and maybe I still will if by some miracle my BP drops and stays there or if Tater decides to skedaddle early, but I guess the whole idea is not so bad. My induction with Grace went really well--I didn't need any Pitocin or anything--and hopefully (please, God) that will be the case this time around, too. Also, one plus of induction is that I have a better chance of having Dr. Fab around for at least part of labor and delivery, assuming she starts the induction. AND, since Tater is measuring a couple of weeks big anyway, he's not gonna be a small baby, so he might be the size of a full term baby at 37 weeks. Just tryin' to see the upside...
Really, shaving a couple of weeks off of this whole pregnancy thing wouldn't be bad at all, provided Tater is ready. I am way, way uncomfortable and I'm sure Aaron is tired of listening to me grunt and whine and sigh every time I walk, roll over in bed, get up off the couch, get out of a chair...well, basically when I move any part of my body at all.
One of my favorite blogs, finslippy, posted a link yesterday to a Momversation regarding The Big C--circumcision. I thought this was pretty fortuitous, as Aaron and I are wrangling with the circumcision question right now...to cut or not to cut? The post on finslippy as well as the Momversation were both very interesting and thought-provoking and soon both Aaron and I were reading and re-reading the post and all of the comments that the post generated. Seems as though we are not the only parents in the world who are struggling with this.
Here's the thing...before I knew our baby was going to be a boy, I never gave this any thought. I have always thought that if I had a son, I would have him circumcised. I never really knew why...I just knew that this is what was done and as I said, I never gave it much thought. It wasn't until we found out that we are having a boy and Aaron expressed his reservations about circumcision to me that I actually sat down and asked myself, "Why do I think we should do this?" Turns out I didn't have any reason other than "This is what is done," and I decided to do some research on the topic.
Unfortunately the internet is fraught with propaganda, both for and against circumcision. I had no idea people felt so strongly about this, on both sides of the coin. In my research, I found myself getting more and more frustrated with the rhetoric and finger pointing and holier-than-thou-ness of it all and decided to check out what the experts have to say. The American Academy of Pediatrics doesn't really take a stance on the topic, stating that,
"Existing scientific evidence demonstrates potential medical benefits of newborn male circumcision; however, these data are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision. In circumstances in which there are potential benefits and risks, yet the procedure is not essential to the child's current well-being, parents should determine what is in the best interest of the child."
Wow...that's maddingly ambiguous but at the same time tells me there isn't a compelling medical reason to circumcise our son. Dr. Sears' website underscores this fact and basically tells parents that they should use no reason other than religion or personal preference in making the decision on whether or not to circumcise their sons--the medical benefits alone aren't enough to justify the decision. Well, neither Aaron or I hold any religious beliefs that would prompt us to circumcise our son, and neither of us believes so strongly in the idea of circumcision that we feel absolutely compelled to have it done.
Then again, there is some evidence out there that suggests that circumcising baby boys can have medical benefits. Many experts suggest circumcising boys lowers the rate of UTI's. Also, it can help prevent the boy from spreading HPV or other STD's when he becomes sexually active. Some also say that circumcision lowers the chance of a male developing penile cancer later in life. These are all positives to be sure!! However, I haven't been able to find anything that has said that circumcision ABSOLUTELY does these things. One would think that teaching their son proper hygiene and how to make responsible sexual decisions would also help prevent these things.
Clearly, I am torn. This decision is weighing heavily on me and I am losing sleep over it. To me, we have three options:
Circumcise...In my mind, this is the easy choice, because it is what a majority of parents in this country decide to do with their son, and I know that if we make this decision, our son will be in the norm (although this might not be quite so true nowadays, as circumcision rates are on the decline). The procedure is very safe, and if we are going to do this, we should do it while we are still in the hospital to save our son from a more serious procedure later in life. And, let's face it, things would be easier to clean down there, both for us and for Tater and the procedure COULD prevent all the icky things listed above.
Don't circumcise...The tougher choice of the two, because it goes against the norm in our society. However, I am going to take pains (literally) to ensure my son has a violence-free and medication-free delivery, so why would I subject him to this painful procedure and recovery less than 48 hours after his birth? Also, should we do something just because it is what a majority of people do? Seems like faulty logic to me...it's the whole "If all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you?" thing. And, I know myself. I had a hard enough time sending Grace to the nursery for a heel stick after delivering her. How will I feel if and when I turn my son over to the nurses to have this procedure done? Will I feel immense guilt and regret my decision? And AND, should this be our decision or our son's decision? I know men who wish the choice had been left up to them.
Leave this up to Aaron...In reading finslippy's post and the comments on the post last night, I was surprised to see the number of women who left this decision up to their husbands. But it makes some sense to me. After all, I have no idea what it's like to have a penis. I didn't have surgery on my genitals hours after birth, and so I don't have any idea what that would be like. Part of me is like, "This is my son too, dammit, and have as much say as my husband does," but then again, I trust Aaron and I know that he would take his research as well as his own personal experience into account. I trust and know that he would make the right decision for our son.
We have less than eight weeks to make this decision, and while that might seem like a lot to some, I am a planner and I need to know what we are going to do about this. I foresee many more sleepless nights ahead, and it's not just going to be because of leg cramps and having to pee every hour.
What a weekend! As I mentioned in my previous post, we had planned to take a much-needed mini vacation this weekend, and we definitely did that but we also managed to cram some other fun and cool stuff into the weekend. As the weekend was winding down last night and as I was putting Grace to bed, I found myself wishing there was some way I could somehow trick time and squeeze in another day of R&R with the fam...but alas, it's Monday and we're back at it.
The bulk of our weekend was spent at Country Springs Water Park and Hotel, and if anyone is looking for a fun weekend away without spending too much dough, this is the place. Last year we took our winter mini vacation in Wisconsin Dells at Kalahari Water Park Resort, and while Kalahari was awesome and probably twice the size of Country Springs, I'd recommend Country Springs over Kalahari for a couple of reasons. First, Country Springs is MUCH more reasonably priced than some of the water park resorts in the Dells. I did some research, and if we had gone to the Dells this weekend, we would have spent at least twice what we ended up spending at Country Springs, both in gas and in actual room charges and other fees (for instance, Country Springs has a free continental breakfast each morning--many other water park resorts don't offer that).
Also, I feel like Country Springs was more geared toward Grace's age group than some of the bigger resorts. Sure, Kalahari and other larger resorts have tons of huge water slides and other attractions like wave pools and surfing simulators that are fun for adults, but the water park at Country Springs had smaller slides and more kid-friendly stuff to offer (as well as a lazy river and a couple larger slides). So, Grace was comfortable trying just about everything at least once and that made me feel good because we utilized the entire park instead of just part of it. And, even though Aaron didn't get to try surfing this year, I'm pretty sure he had a good time accompanying Grace (and my mom) on some of the bigger slides at the park.
The other thing that impressed me about Country Springs was the staff. The water park itself was stocked with lifeguards who were pretty darn vigilant about making sure everyone stayed safe. I liked the fact that they actually enforced the "no kids in the hot tub without parents" rule so that when I took a minute to dangle my legs in the hot tub, I wasn't getting splashed by a bunch of unsupervised kids. Also, when Grace happened to fall asleep in one of the lounge chairs, one of the lifeguards came up to me to make sure she was feeling ok (yep, just tuckered out). I don't remember that type of surveillance at Kalahari when we were there last year, and it was nice to see.
My parents were able to spend the weekend at Country Springs with us as well and that was great! Grace had a blast going on water slides and the lazy river with my mom (and honestly, it was pretty darn entertaining for me to watch as well), and she got some good snuggle time in with Grandpa as well. Even though we did have a couple of hairy stretches because Grace was still a little tired from her bout of strep throat, our mini vacation was great fun and I wish it could have been just a bit longer.
A couple of other cool things happened after we left Country Springs this weekend. The first thing is that Grace and I (finally) joined a church here in Milwaukee. I have been searching for the "perfect" church for Grace and I to attend ever since I moved down here and I finally found that place a couple of weeks ago. I was doing a search on ELCA Lutheran churches here in the city and came across one that sounded like it might be a good fit for us. I attended services there a couple of weeks ago and fell in love with the church immediately. It is a smaller, liberal congregation but the thing that struck me right away was the number of young people and young families in attendance. Children are not only welcomed at this church, but they are included in the service and they are truly treasured by the congregation and the staff. Also, I found the congregation as a whole and the pastors to be extremely welcoming and accepting. I was a little leery to talk to the pastors about joining because I was sure they would wonder why Grace and I would be joining and Aaron wouldn't be, but I was pleasantly surprised when they didn't seem to even think twice about the fact that my husband and I don't hold identical beliefs about everything. They didn't make me feel as though my family is "broken" because Aaron and I weren't going to be joining together and for that I am extremely thankful--I know many churches would not be quite so open and understanding.
So, Grace and I joined the congregation yesterday and it feels really, really good to have a spiritual home. And as if I needed any more affirmation that I had made the right choice, during yesterday's sermon, the pastor jokingly reminded the congregation that Barack Obama is not Jesus Christ...his words were, "...I've seen the look in some of your eyes (when talking about Barack)..." and I thought to myself, "Yep, these are my homeys." And then, the pastor concluded his sermon with moving, tearful words about how he felt about the closing of Guantanamo Bay and how it is SO good to finally see us do the right thing. Amen.
One big other thing from this weekend...we made our first major baby-related purchase. We bought an infant car seat yesterday. Both Aaron and I were feeling some hesitation about the purchase, but together we mustered up the courage to let ourselves believe that this baby is coming and that he is going to be fine, and we took that leap. And just to kick some dust in fear's face, we picked up a sleeper for the baby, too.
My due date is two months from today--March 22nd. If my little occupant decides to hang out till then, I could very well be in the throes of labor in exactly two months, since I won't be allowed to go past my due date. *shudder* Can I just order up the pain medication cocktail now?
Had my weekly appointment with Dr. Fab today, and happily, the BP seems to be holding steady for now. Tater is still measuring big but he's not growing at quite the clip he was a few weeks ago, when he was measuring almost four weeks big. Baby's heart rate was excellent today, and he even kicked hard enough to shake Dr. Fab's hand as she held the doppler on my belly. Also, I lost three pounds this week, which was a bit of a concern to Dr. Fab until I explained to her that I have been busy taking care of a four-year-old with strep throat all week and I haven't slept or eaten well in that time. Then, she just gave me the same kind of look my mother would give me if I had just told her that same thing and said, "You look tired. Take it easy."
Fortunately, that is exactly what I have planned. Grace has off of school tomorrow for the end of the semester, so we thought this would be a good opportunity for the three of us to take a little mini-vacation before Tater makes his debut. Aaron and I both have off work tomorrow and we are taking Grace to Country Springs, which is a hotel/water park that is located about 20 miles west of our house, for the weekend. (Last week Dr. Fab gave me the green light to go as long as I promised her that I wouldn't go on any water slides and that I would keep my feet up and relax all weekend.) We're all super excited to get away for the weekend, even though we're not going far away. It'll be nice to get out of the house for a couple of days and get away from the household chores that are staring me in the face. It'll also be nice to have a long weekend away with just Gracie, as I know the opportunity to do that is quickly slipping away.
Anyhoo, next week we start the weekly fetal non-stress tests just to make sure all is still well in Tater's uterine home and that he is still thriving despite the gestational hypertension and the low levels of PAPP-A (I'll go to two tests weekly at 34 weeks). In the meantime, I'll be relaxing at the pool and pondering the circumcision question--to cut, or not to cut??
Yeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaw!!!! If I could without worrying about launching myself into preterm labor, I would be jumping up and down in jubilance. Thanks so much for your service, W, but good riddance. Today is a new day.
My poor little Gracie-poo, making the best of her situation, curled up under her blankies and smiling even though she told me today that she is "SOOO sick!!!"
It's probably a good thing that MPS is closed today for MLK Jr. Day, because there is no way this little girl would have been able to go to school today. And, I am no longer feeling like our trip to the Urgent Care clinic on Saturday was a waste of time, because even though the quick strep test they did at the clinic came back negative on Saturday, strep grew over the weekend and so Gracie has strep throat. I wouldn't have known that had I not taken her in and she would have stayed sick, so it was worth it after all. Grace had her first dose of Zithromax earlier today (she's allergic to almost every other antibiotic out there) so I am *hoping* that another full day of R&R and some TLC along with the medicine will help her improve enough to head back to school tomorrow.
In the meantime, I am washing all of our bedding in hot water and scrubbing all sorts of surfaces in my home and praying fervently that Aaron and/or I don't end up with this...
Less than twenty-four hours after watching Gracie dance wildly around the living room to her favorite ABBA songs, I am looking at a very sick little girl. Poor Grace is laying prone on our living room couch, half-heartedly watching the end of Pee Wee's Big Adventure, with her little mouth gaping open because she can't breathe through her nose, tears streaming down her face occasionally because she "is never gonna feel better!!" and her cheeks a rosy red color as a result of her fever which has been hovering between 102 and 104 all day long.
I can't even remember the last time Grace was sick. I know around this time last year, we had to take her in to Urgent Care on a Sunday afternoon because she was complaining of an earache (turns out she had a raging ear infection) but other than that, Grace is generally very healthy. I had a rough road with her from about the time she was six months old until she turned two--she had cold after cold and the colds always lead to ear infections and she had rotavirus two springs in a row. But then suddenly around age two, she stopped getting sick so often--in fact, she's only been sick a handful of times since then. She managed to build up a pretty tough immune system and thanks to that, she hasn't suffered from a lot of the illnesses her classmates at school have had to deal with because she was exposed to many of them in day care already.
And so, I'm feeling that unmistakable sense of panic that a parent feels when her child is sick and I had forgotten how terrible that feeling is. As soon as we got up this morning, I felt the compelling need to get Grace into the doctor ASAP, and when he told us that Grace doesn't have strep or any other infection and then dismissed us, I wanted to wrap myself around his leg as he walked out the door and beg him to DO SOMETHING TO HELP HER FEEL BETTER!!
Turns out, all she really wants is her mama. When we got home from the doctor, she just wanted to lay down next to me (or on top of me) and she pleaded with me to stay next to her all day. And that's just fine, because there's no way I'd let my little sickie out of my sight today anyway.
Due to the subzero temperatures and even colder wind chills that we have been subjected to here in Milwaukee over the past 48 hours or so, all of the schools in the area have been cancelled for the past two days. Thus, while I am glad that Grace doesn't have to venture outside in this weather and risk frostbite, I have been less-than-thrilled about the whole working and parenting simultaneously thing. My job requires me to be on the computer or on the phone constantly, and although Grace generally does a pretty good job of entertaining herself with coloring projects or with reading books or putting together puzzles, her patience wears thin after a while and starts demanding that I "stop working THIS MINUTE!" and devote my undivided attention to her. And then the guilt kicks in...guilt because I have always told myself that I wouldn't be one of those parents who forces her child to compete with the computer for her attention.
This afternoon, Grace's patience was wearing ever thinner, and as I was trying to run some reporting that I HAD to get done for work and find something fun for Grace to do at the same time, I reached for a last resort: the ABBA Gold CD. A couple of weekends ago, my parents came to our house for a visit and my mom brought her new fav movie, Mamma Mia, with her. Grace stayed up late watching the movie with us (I know, it's PG-13, tsk-tsk, whatever...but seriously, it's a cute movie and I managed to direct Grace's attention away during the one "PG-13ish" part of the movie) and she fell in love with all of the music and dancing that's in the movie and was really sad when Grandma took the movie home with her the next day. Last weekend when Grace spent a day with my parents, they bought her the ABBA Gold CD, which contains a majority of the songs from Mamma Mia, and the CD has been Grace's most treasured possession ever since and she listens to it whenever she gets the chance. She even chooses to listen to ABBA before listening to Laurie Berkner or her new Medeski, Martin, and Wood kid's CD.
So, today, in the midst of my desperation to get my work done but NOT plunk my kid down in front of the TV for hours on end in order to accomplish it, I reached out to ABBA and they delivered. As soon as I put the CD in, Grace was a dancing queen, strutting her stuff around the living room and lip-synching as best as she could to all of the songs. And, I was able to get a bunch of work done uninterrupted. Man, those Swedes are awesome.
Check out these pics...they just blew me away...
Huge wake-up call for me...there is an ACTUAL baby in there, a beautiful, healthy baby, so TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! And, I feel like this ultrasound happened in the nick of time. Just as I was starting to feel drained and a little depressed about this whole bedrest thing, I get to see our son as I have never seen him before, and suddenly, I feel rejuvenated and ready for the rest of my pregnancy.
Assuming I deliver on my due date (which is highly unlikely, but could happen), I am 75% of the way through my pregnancy. A few stats, then:
-Weight gained to date: 24 pounds (this includes the mysterious 2-pound weight loss that occurred over Christmas). If I gain a pound a week from here on out, I will come in under the 35 pound weight limit for preggos and I will also have gained less weight than I did with Gracie. I've gained more than I hoped to, but hey, WHATEVER.
-Belly measurement: 33.5 centimeters as of last week Thursday--measuring a few weeks big. We'll see how we come in this week.
-Number of baby names tossed around: countless
-Number of baby names making the final cut: 2...so far. I think we have our list whittled down to our top two favorite names and I think we *may* have settled on The One, but Aaron and I are both prone to a little indecisiveness so we'll see. And, I'm so not telling what the name is till baby names his debut. Tater will suffice for now.
-Last blood pressure reading: 147/90. However, Dr. Fab called today with test results and there are no signs of actual preeclampsia, so the official diagnosis as of right now is gestational hypertension.
-Number of women who develop preeclampsia after having been diagnosed with GH at 30 weeks or less: 1 in 2 *biting fingernails*
Other than the BP issues, my third trimester hasn't been so bad thus far. I am getting quite a bit more uncomfortable which makes sleeping more difficult, and the lack of sleep and discomfort breed other issues like an overall increase in my crankiness and the occasional (ok, constant) crippling fatigue, but at least I'm not puking daily like I was during my third trimester with Gracie.
Speaking of Grace...she is SO excited to meet her little brother. She has had the opportunity to feel Tater kicking a few times, and she really got a kick (ha!) out of that. Now she will come up and put her hand on my belly and wait patiently for Tater to kick and if he doesn't, she'll tell me that he must be taking a nap, and if she DOES feel him kick, her eyes widen in surprise and delight and she starts giggling uncontrollably. She also will walk up to my belly on occasion and give it a pat and a kiss and say, "I love you, baby." So sweet. I'm not sure how she will react when the baby is actually here, but she certainly loves her little brother already and can't wait to be able to play with him, and that makes me very, very happy. It's so cool to be able to share this with her.
I am scheduled for a 3-D ultrasound on Wednesday, so more photos to come!! Maybe I'll even manage to snap a pic of my growing belly and post that as well...
Went back to the doctor yesterday for my bi-weekly prenatal visit, and lo and behold, the blood pressure is back on the rise. Ironically, my blood pressure had actually gone back down over the holidays, despite some traveling and other merry-making, but now has risen to an all-time high (for this pregnancy, anyway) now that the holidays are over and we're back in our routine. Not sure what that means, although it might say something about the stresses of working and parenting full time. *Sigh*
Dr. Fabulous actually took my BP a couple of times yesterday during my visit and it rose with each reading, even after I had been sitting in the office for quite sometime doing nothing at all, and after the final reading she took, Dr. Fab scrunched up her nose and said, "And this is what happened last time (my last pregnancy), isn't it?" Yep, sure is. So, more blood tests and the 24-hour urine protein test were ordered (again) to rule out preeclampsia, and although Dr. Fab seems to doubt highly that I have preeclampsia at this point (no swelling, no other symptoms), she is concerned and wants to cover all bases. (So glad I decided to stick with her.) She's thinking that what I have right now is gestational hypertension, which can be scary enough if it gets too severe.
We have a new plan for the rest of my pregnancy which will ensure that I will get to know my practicioner pretty well between now and the time I deliver. Instead of bi-weekly visits, I'll be seeing Dr. Fab once a week, and starting at week 32 (I'm 29 weeks 5 days today), I will be having weekly fetal non-stress tests, because of the hypertension and because of the low levels of the PAPP-A hormone that were discovered waaaaaaaaaaaaay back in September when I had my first trimester screening done. And, there are more ultrasounds in my future as well.
And, sadly, I won't be able to return to the office part time as I had hoped. Stir craziness has set in and my plan when I went to the doctor yesterday was to ask if I could maybe go back to the office a day or two a week just to get out and see the peeps that I work with and honestly miss. My plan was foiled when after my final BP reading yesterday, I laughingly told Dr. Fab that I wanted to go back to the office and she said decisively, "No. Asked and answered. You need to take it easy." Ok then.
Also, Tater is measuring big for my dates. As I said, I'm just about 30 weeks but the baby is measuring larger than 33 weeks. When Dr. Fab measured me and discovered this, all she said was, "Interesting," but of course being who I am I ran straight home and Googled "uterus measuring large pregnancy" and was promptly freaked out by everything that this can mean (an exercise that was no doubt healthy for my BP). I'm just gonna table this one until I go to see Dr. Fab again next week and I'll take that opportunity to ask her what "Interesting" means.
I'm a little bummed out right now and I can't really bring myself to get out of the sweatpants today (although it has been a craptastic week, what with the tumble down the stairs and the soreness and then hearing about big layoffs at work). I have moved beyond feeling sorry for myself for being confined to my house and I have landed at a constant feeling of concern for Tater's health and my own. In my mind, I know he's fine...he's been active, his heartbeat is good, and we KNOW he's growing. But in my heart, I have fallen in love with him and I feel the same amount of concern for him that I would if something similar was happening with Gracie. I just can't wait to have him here so I can look at his face and see that he is all right.
Ok, ONE humorous thing did happen yesterday...I had to run to the lab at Froedtert to pick up a big orange jug for my 24-hour urine test, and the pre-pubescent boy that was manning the desk at the lab seemed THOROUGHLY embarassed at what I was asking him to retrieve for me. His face flushed as soon as I had uttered the word "urine" and then he was visibly nervous as he opened drawers and cabinets in search of a jug for me. Then, as he was bringing the jug back to the desk, he stopped and opened his eyes in horror and then ran back to another cabinet to get me a bag to carry the jug in. As he brought me the bag (which was virtually see through anyway), he lowered his voice and whispered proudly, "I brought you this bag so you wouldn't be embarassed." Oh, my dear sweet boy, these things do not phase me.
Now that I am working at home, I have had to find ways to deal with the deafening silence that surrounds me once Grace and Aaron leave the house in the morning. Luckily, my hubby had the foresight to sign us up for Sirius satellite radio a while back, and lo and behold, I can sign into our account from my laptop and browse the couple hundred of stations that are offered. At first, I listened to Christmas music exclusively, because, well, it was Christmas time, but now I have discovered an all-80's music station and I LOVE IT. I have heard Rick Astley not once but TWICE today. Rock on...
************************************************************************
Well, it finally happened...
Anyone who has visited our home knows about The Stairs. We live in an older home and the stairs leading from our first floor up to the second floor are impossibly steep. Climbing them when one is not pregnant can be daunting, but when one is pregnant, climbing (and descending) our stairs is a particular challenge. Not only does one lose her breath easily while climbing the stairs, but the steepness of the staircase in even more unnerving when your center of gravity is all wonky. We are actually planning some home renovations in the upcoming year, and one of the things we plan to deal with is the situation with The Stairs.
Lots of people--my parents, my in-laws, my friends, my doctor--have pleaded with me to take our stairs with caution now that I am expecting so that I don't fall. I have lived in this house for a year and a half now, and I have been pregnant for almost seven of those months, and I have not fallen...until last night. It was inevitable. I am quite possibly the clumsiest person around.
I had just put Grace to bed, and I had just finished closing the child gate that we have at the top of our stairs. I was deep in thought about what I wanted to get accomplished now that Grace was in bed. I turned around to head down the steps, and my heel slipped out from under me when I was on the top step, and I fell on my back alllllllllllllllllll the way down to the second step from the bottom. It happened so quickly that I barely knew what was happening, and I barely had a chance to grab the railing to stop myself from falling all the way into the kitchen. Aaron came running from the living room to see what happened (a preggo falling down a flight of stairs does cause quite a ruckus, after all) and all I could do was sit on the bottom step and weep. My back hurt. My ass hurt. The hand I used to grab the handrail was throbbing. The back of my left arm hurt. And, I was terrified that I had somehow hurt the baby.
After a few moments, Aaron coaxed me off of the steps and onto the couch. After I had settled down a bit and regained feeling in my hand, I debated whether or not I should call the doctor. I had remembered reading in one of my pregnancy manuals that even if you don't hit your belly in fall, you should still call your practicioner if you fall during pregnancy. I debated calling my mom to see what she thought (since she works in an OB office), but I didn't want to alarm her. I finally decided to call the obstetrician on call, and after telling her that I fell on my back, not my belly and was not having any contractions or bleeding and that I was feeling the baby move, the doctor told me that I shouldn't have anything to worry about pregnancy-wise. Then, she told me to take plenty of Tylenol because I was going to be sore.
And let me tell ya, I am sore. The worst of it is my tailbone, which I think took the brunt of the fall. It hurts to sit down, even on our cushy sofa. I also have a nasty bruise on my back, a couple of bruises on the back of my arm, and a bruise on my hand.
Moral of the story: Pay attention when using The Stairs. Wear grippy slippers on The Stairs. Heck, for the remainder of pregnancy, just make Aaron escort me up and down The Stairs.
Also, I should probably call my mother to tell her this happened before she has a chance to read this.
Also, sadly, it appears as though Mexican food and I are no longer on speaking terms. And I can't even talk about that or I might cry.
If I had not miscarried back in May of last year, today would have been my due date. It stings. It hurts.
I'm finding it hard to justify my feelings today. After all, there are a lot of women out there who miscarry not once but several times or who are not able to conceive again at all after a miscarriage. And here I sit, feeling the kicks and rolls and jabs of the baby that we were able to conceive, very easily and without incident, two months after I miscarried last year. I will get to meet this baby shortly. I am truly one of the lucky ones and I keep telling myself that I should be thankful. And I am so very, very thankful. Feeling sad about the baby we lost makes me feel a little ungrateful somehow.
But I'm only human and today I feel pain and loss. I can't help but think that I could be holding a baby today. I was supposed to be holding a baby today. I'm not sure how else I am supposed to feel.
I decided not to make any resolutions this year. After all, I am going to have a very busy year ahead of me, what with expecting a new baby in a couple of months and adjusting to life with a newborn again, so I decided that this New Year's Day, I would look back at the resolutions that I made last year just to see if I was actually able to keep any of them. Here's how I did:
Resolution the First: Lose Weight...Well, I started on a weight loss plan in the early summer of 2008, but then I got knocked up so that train was derailed. I'm not chalking this one up as a failed resolution, though. I'll just be postponing this one for a while.
Resolution the Second: Baby #2...Due in 2 months and 21 days! Woot! Check that one off the list!
Resolution the Third: Continue to improve as a mother...The more I think about this, the more this shouldn't just be a resolution that I make once a year. This should be something I strive to achieve every single day. And, I think that for the most part, I do a pretty good job. My daughter knows that I love her and she knows that she is special to me. She trusts me and knows that I always have her back. That's success in my book, but I will always continue to try to improve.
Resolution the Fourth: Tell Aaron I love him every day...Done and done. This resolution, like the previous one, is a no-brainer.
Resolution the Fifth: Decide what I want to do when I grow up...Here we have another resolution that I am putting in the "pending" column due to the forthcoming baby. It's hard to focus on your future career path when you're busy organizing your house to accommodate another person and trying to keep your lunch down. However, I have pretty much decided that I want to go back to grad school for my MBA, and I have done some research on how to make that happen. I have emailed an academic adviser here at UW-Milwaukee and I'll be setting up an appointment to sit down and meet with that adviser shortly. So, this one is a work in progress and probably will be for a while. At least I've taken some initial steps.
Resolution the Sixth: Go to Bonnaroo...Aaron and I went to this yearly music festival in June, and man, we had a blasty. Probably won't make it back this June (there's that baby again), but we hope to return in 2010.
Resolution the Seventh: Turn 30 gracefully...Ya know, turning 30 really wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be. I had a great party with some of my best friends and we had a fabulous time. But honestly, I don't feel any older. In fact, I feel more comfortable in my own skin now than I ever did when I was in my 20's. Check this one off the list!!
Resolution the Eighth: Get involved with the upcoming elections...I didn't get as involved as I had hoped to in the elections this year. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I was really torn between Hillary and Barack up until the Wisconsin primaries, and once those were over, I just never found the time to get out the vote like I had wanted to. I did do some blogging about the election, and I did talk with some friends who were undecideds, but no volunteering or canvassing or anything like that. Luckily, Barack had enough people who took that initiative and helped him out a little more than I did. Oh well, there's always 2012!!
So, looks like I did a pretty good job last year and all in all, it was a great year. We had our ups and downs, but I'm chalking 2008 up as a success. Here's to an even better 2009!!
Aaron and I went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" last night and wow...even if you're like me and don't go to the movie theater often because of the outrageous prices, you will find the ticket price for this movie to be money well spent. It's not very often that a movie rocks my world like this one did.
First off, the acting was superb. Brad Pitt plays Benjamin Button and I can honestly say this is the best performance I have ever seen him deliver. He played the part with an amazing amount of heart and he pulled off the backwards aging process flawlessly--watching him look like an old man yet act like a child and vice versa was simply amazing. (For those of you who might not know, this movie is about a man who ages backwards--he is born with the body of a man in his 80's. I read that the film's directors used digital face painting to match Brad Pitt's face to much smaller bodies to accomplish the feat of merging the face of an old man with a child's body. It's technical wizardry.) Cate Blanchett did a beautiful job as the leading actress, and the rest of the supporting cast was just as fabulous. I was moved from tears to laughter and back to tears again many times throughout the film.
The story itself was also beautiful. The movie itself is loosely based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald (one of my favorite authors), but beyond the premise of the story itself, much of the movie--which is almost three hours in length but used those three hours well--differs from the actual short story. However, the way the story was told in the film left nothing to be desired. It was a love story, but it was also a story of personal sacrifice, family, and what it means to grow old. If you're looking for a feel good tale that will leave you feeling high as a kite as you walk out of the theater, this is not the movie for you. I left the theater with a tear-stained face and feeling completely drained, but man, it was so worth it.
So, I'd highly, highly recommend this movie for anyone who appreciates a good story combined with genuinely good acting. Just bring along a box of kleenex.
Well, yet another Christmas is in the books and I have to say this was the most pleasant Christmas that I have had in quite some time. The reason? We kept it simple.
Being on modified bed rest has forced us to cut back on some of our activities as a family, and consequently, we cut back on a lot of the plans that we had made for Christmas. We didn't attend four extended family functions (which were scattered throughout Eastern Wisconsin) as we had originally planned to, and instead of spending Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with Aaron's, we decided to fit them both in on Christmas Day and we spent Christmas Eve quietly, just the three of us.
Christmas Eve was lovely. Aaron and I both had to work during the day, but then the three of us attended a small, low-key church service that ended with all of the attendees holding candles and singing "Silent Night". The pastor asked each of us to look at the candlelight after we finished singing and think of those who we were missing at that moment or of those who we might have lost in the previous year and remember that those people are still with us in our hearts. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of what we have been through this year, but at the same time, I was so glad to be with Aaron and Grace that I was filled with an immense joy. It was a heartbreakingly beautiful and powerful moment for me.
After church we had planned to head down to Cathedral Square to check out the lights and Christmas tree displays, but the wind was beyond frigid and Grace was starting to show signs of sleepiness, so we decided to head back home. Grace excitedly got her plate of cookies and glass of milk ready for Santa and placed them under the tree and she was more than happy to hit the hay as we promised her that when she woke up the next morning, she would surely be greeted with presents from Santa. Then, once she was asleep, Aaron and I got all of Grace's gifts together and placed them around the tree.
We woke up bright and early on Christmas morning, and Grace darted out of bed and down the steps in search of her gifts. The first thing she noticed was that Santa had eaten all but a couple bites of his cookies and that he drank all of his milk, and she was so proud that he liked her cookies. Then, she tore into her gifts with reckless abandon and marveled at each one, only pausing between each gift long enough for me to snap a picture or two. Grace also helped Aaron and I open our gifts to each other and then we took a few moments to admire our loot before it was time to get ready to head out to visit with our parents.
One thing that I worried about when we decided to fit both of our families into one day was that we would end up feeling rushed at one or both of the gatherings (and I worried that would happen at my family's gathering since we were going there first), but honestly, we really enjoyed our time at both gatherings and we didn't feel cheated at all. We had a lovely (and delicious) brunch with my family after opening gifts and we had plenty of time to allow Grace to play with many of her presents and we also had lots of time to enjoy each others company. Then, we headed to my in-laws, and again, we had plenty of time to enjoy all of the festivities. The next morning, we headed back to Milwaukee.
All in all, it was a fabulous Christmas. Something that Aaron and I chatted about on the way to my in-laws on Christmas Day was the Christmas "feeling" that we used to get when we were children. It's the unmistakable feeling that used to come over me as Christmas approached--a feeling of anticipation, of tradition, of excitement, and of family. Aaron and I both intimated that we hadn't always felt that feeling as adults...until we had a family of our own. There is something about spending Christmas with a child of your own that makes you feel that Christmas feeling again, because you see the holiday through your child's eyes. This Christmas was a very special and meaningful one for us, and a lot of that is because Aaron, Grace, and I were able to spend it in our own way.
Hope all of you had a wonderful holiday!!
Tonight, Grace and I were waiting around in the pharmacy line at Target and I complimented her on her pretty new pink ring that she got as a Christmas gift. After I finished telling her how pretty the ring was and how I wished I had one like it, she looked at me and said with a completely straight face, "Mama, he went to Jared."
LOL
Three months from today is my due date--March 22nd. Holy crap.
I spent the first half of my pregnancy not believing that this whole thing was actually happening, and then once we had that second ultrasound in October and we saw that our son looks healthy and is doing just fine, I progressed from disbelief to guarded excitement but this all hadn't really sunken in until just recently. Back when I first found out I was pregnant in July, I remember thinking that I would be hitting my third trimester during the holidays, and that seemed like it was AGES away. And here we are, three days away from Christmas, just like that.
I'm feeling a lot of things right now. At the top of the list is a growing sense of excitement--now that I have been feeling the baby kicking for quite a while and I can actually see his jabs and pokes from the outside, my sense of fear is diminishing a bit and for the first time I'm allowing myself to feel excited about all of this. I've even considered shopping for the baby's layette--Aaron and I agreed that we will start shopping for baby clothes and other stuff we'll need after the new year. That's a HUGE step for us and I'm excited to get started. And, I'm getting to the point now where I just want to meet this little person who I have been carrying around for the past six months. I want to see his little face and I want to finally be able to hold him.
Then there's the fear--not fear that something is going to happen to the baby, but fear about labor and delivery looming around the corner. I did not have a "typical" delivery with Grace (but then again, what delivery is typical?)...due to my PIH, I was induced at 38 weeks, and for a first time delivery, things went pretty quickly and smoothly. I went to the hospital at 6am, had my water broken at 7am, and without the aid of Pitocin or an epidural, Grace was born at 3:48pm that afternoon. I didn't have the experience of laboring at home or wondering when to go to the hospital--I had an appointment. And, I also felt all of the labor and delivery pains since I didn't have an epidural. Sometimes I think second-time moms are at a bit of a disadvantage because we KNOW what is coming. First-time moms have a fear of the unknown...those of us who have been down this road before have a fear of what we already know: that there is only one way this baby is coming out, and there is a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and pain involved. Since I'm planning to deliver without an epidural again, I am feeling some pretty significant fear about the pain and I also fear that I'll succumb to the epidural.
(By the way, I don't think that women who use epidurals are wimps...y'all are probably the smart ones and any mom, regardless of how her child is born or what medications she uses or doesn't use, is a heroine. For me, I just can't stand the idea of a needle going into my spine and I really don't like the idea of being bedridden during labor and delivery. Part of the reason I think that things went relatively quickly with Gracie was because I was up and moving around for the majority of labor and gravity and position changes helped me deliver quicker.)
The third feeling that I have been experiencing a lot lately has been a bit hard to describe...melancholy, perhaps. This is the last Christmas that Grace will be an only child. We only have three more months of "just the three of us". I know that things are going to change dramatically for our little family come March, and although I know that all of the changes are going to be good, part of me is a little sad at the same time. I love my little family as it is now and I know that things are never going to be the same once the baby comes. And, it's hard for me to imagine not having as much time for Grace as I have for her now. How am I going to fit in our nightly snuggles on the couch or our coloring time or our reading time that I cherish so much when I have a newborn on my hands? I guess I will have to learn how to make that extra special time for her every day once the baby is on the scene...
And I need to stop talking about that NOW...I just put on my mascara and I don't want to have to do it again.
Here's to a healthy, happy, and (hopefully) speedy third trimester!!!
I have to go to the dentist today. And, the appointment isn't just for a routine cleaning or anything benign like that. I have a feeling large pointy needles and sweating will be involved.
Last weekend I was enjoying a delicious slice of pepperoni pizza when, out of nowhere, CRUNCH. I thought it odd that that one particular bite of pizza would contain a small piece of super crispy crust, but after the dust had settled, I realized that part of one of my back teeth was missing completely. And then the throbbing started. And even though I tried to rationalize in my head that I could put off getting the tooth fixed until after I deliver the baby (Surely I shouldn't have any x-rays taken! What about the anesthetic stuff they use to numb the mouth--is that safe for use in pregnancy!?!), the pain I'm experiencing and the fact that I can only chew on one side of my mouth drove me to make the appointment.
I hate going to the dentist. HATE it. Something about lying prone in a chair with someone all up in my face with needles and drills makes my knees weak. I actually have to use some of the breathing and relaxation techniques I learned in childbirth classes to get me through a dentist appointment. And I didn't even really use those much when I was in labor.
This is the second time this year that something like this has happened. Earlier this year, I chipped a tooth eating some crackers (or something like that--the baby ate the part of my brain that remembers what I was eating) and I ended up in the dentist's chair getting a filling to, well, fill in the piece of tooth that was missing. And, the dentist had to use three syringes of anesthetic to get me to a point where the drilling didn't cause excruciating pain. I must have the world's wimpiest teeth and gums. I left that appointment promising myself that I would never return.
So, here I sit, less than six hours from Appointment Time, with sweaty palms and a case of the jitters. Wait, I'm not supposed to get all stressed out because it could raise my blood pressure...might be time to start some of those breathing exercises now.
Turns out that there are actually some positives that come with this forced rest period to which I have been subjected. Who knew? I have been officially working from home for three days now, and I have been on this partial bed rest for almost a week, and so far, here are some of the unexpected pluses that I have experienced:
-I am able to pick Grace up from school 30-45 minutes earlier than I was before. I work until 4 everyday, and unfortunately that's right smack in the middle of rush hour, so my 20-mile commute to pick Grace up from school after work ranged anywhere from 25 minutes to just under an hour, depending on traffic and weather. Now, I leave my house at 4 and I make the half-block trip to Grace's school in less than 5 minutes. It's a beautiful thing--I get extra time with my kiddo each night to snuggle up and read some books or work on a coloring project.
-I am able to sleep in an extra 45 minutes every morning. No commute, so no need to get up at 5:30am and rush out the door. And, I shower over my lunch break, so I can take my time getting myself ready.
-I have been feeling the baby kick with much more frequency than I had been. Not sure if this is because I am just at that point in my pregnancy when the baby's movements are much more noticeable to me, but I am feeling the baby ALL DAY LONG. Maybe it's because it's quiet here and I can focus or maybe it's because I am feeling less stress overall. Either way, it's good to know our little guy is in there and is doing his daily calisthenics.
-Speaking of stress...I am feeling way, way less stress overall. I thought that I would hate being home by myself everyday, but actually, I like it. I've always enjoyed time to myself and at the end of the work day, I feel more relaxed than I ever have before. And, I feel less rushed once Grace gets home because I have had a chance to think through things like what we are having for supper or what homework Grace needs to get accomplished that night. I can mentally prepare for what's coming up that night.
-Instant messaging. My company doesn't allow us to install Instant Messenger on our computers at work, but I have it installed on my laptop at home so Aaron and I can chat while we work. Shhhhhhh...don't tell.
-I'm eating much better now. Now that I am home, I am not tempted to run out to grab fast food at lunch time or go out to lunch with my coworkers. I am eating Smart Ones and Lean Cuisine meals here at home during lunch time and I'm eating healthy snacks like dried fruit and nuts instead of chips and candy. And, we are eating better as a family because I have the time to look at what we have in the kitchen and plan our suppers. This is definitely a good thing, because I can't afford to gain another 8 pounds this month.
-And, I think this whole taking it easy thing is actually working. My headaches have decreased. I'm no longer seeing spots and auras when I'm up and walking around. My heart doesn't feel like it's going to jump out of my chest. I feel relatively rested.
Despite my initial misgivings about going on partial bed rest, I think my OB was right in advising this. This is workin' for me, and I have a feeling it's going to help me have a healthier pregnancy and thus, a healthier baby. That's the best upside of them all.
Well, the results from the blood work and the 24-hour urine protein tests are back, and thankfully, mercifully, I don't have preeclampsia, which is WONDERFUL news. The high blood pressure is still bad, and if I don't watch it things could get worse, but for right now, Aaron and I are breathing a big sigh of relief.
And, after four days of my modified bed rest, I have managed to convince myself that this whole staying home and taking it easy thing isn't SO bad...and Aaron has totally stepped up, taking care of the laundry, stripping and remaking the beds, making meals, doing dishes, etc. And if he even sees me THINKING about doing anything I'm not supposed to do, he reprimands me and tells me to take it easy. Yep, he's awesome.
So, I have 14 more weeks of this at the most. I think I can hack it.
So, I have been feeling a little funny for the past week or so...the best way to describe it is like being in a constant head fog or feeling like I am suffering from the worst, most annoying hangover. I have a constant dull headache. I feel dizzy and lightheaded all the time, and nothing helps...not sleeping, not eating, not guzzling water like a camel...nothing. I decided to give my doctor a call today just to check and see if this is normal at 25 weeks of pregnancy. Yeah, not so much, especially given my history of pregnancy-induced hypertension (PIH), so the nurse I spoke with told me to come in this afternoon for a blood pressure and urine check.
When I arrived at the clinic, I waited for a few minutes and then had my blood pressure checked--140/92. Sheesh--my BP usually hovers around 110/60. I could tell by the look on the nurse's face that this was bad news, and soon my doctor mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. She suggested that she give me a full check up today, since my regular monthly appointment was coming up on Friday anyway. I left a quick urine sample and I was off to the exam room. There, my doctor asked me tons of questions about how I have been feeling, did a quick measurement of my uterus (I'm measuring 27 1/2 weeks) and a check of the baby's heartbeat (all is well there), and then my doctor had me lay on my side for a while so she could recheck my BP.
My BP went down after my rest period, so my doctor advised that I go on modified bed rest to keep things in check and prevent things from getting worse. Since I lead a very busy life (what mom doesn't?), I need to cut back where I can. This means working from home for the duration of my pregnancy, cutting back on my weekend traveling, and absolutely no trips to the mall to go Christmas shopping. Also, no more carrying laundry around, no more running up and down the stairs zillions of times a day, and no more vacumming. Basically, I have to take it as easy as I can without becoming totally sedentary.
The good news is that at this point, my doctor doesn't think I have full-blown preeclampsia, although she ran tons of bloodwork today and is having me do the 24-hour urine protein test to be absolutely certain. She seems to think that if I take things easy, we should be able to keep things under control. But, I am bummed out. Truth is, I like going to the office for work--I have made some really good friends there and I will miss seeing them everyday. Working from home is fine, but I will miss the social aspect of work. I also like leading a busy life and being able to go visit out-of-town friends and family over the weekends. I had been looking forward to a marathon Christmas shopping trip.
With the help of my friend Michele, I came up with a list of good things about being on bed rest:
-I'll save tons of money on gas.
-I will be able to dictate what I want to do on Christmas--I don't need to feel obligated to run all over the state. In fact, I probably shouldn't.
-I can wear jammies all day if I want to (although I'm sure my hubby would get tired of seeing that).
-I can get caught up on all of the shows I have been missing.
-No laundry, vacumming, or heavy cleaning.
-Naps and getting some good rest before the baby comes and I stop sleeping entirely.
-Built in excuse to have friends over without having to put a lot of effort into entertaining them.
So, yeah, there is an upside to bed rest, although right now 15 weeks seems like a really, really long time to me. Just another reason to look forward to delivering this baby. In the meantime, you can find me on the couch.
I was rifling through one of Aaron's books, The Expectant Father, and came across a little pregnancy factoid that was, until that moment, unknown to me. According to the book (and apparently some scientific research), a pregnant woman's brain shrinks three to five percent over the course of her pregnancy. I wish I would have read further to find out why this phenomenon occurs, but my shrunken brain couldn't take in any more information and I had to put the book down.
Aha! So this is why I feel like I'm losing my mind--I actually am. Baby Brain actually exists. This is why I have been going around writing October instead of December whenever I write the date. This is why I don't know what fricking week or day it is. This is how I managed to spend the entire day yesterday with my underwear on backwards and inside out. This is why work tasks that are usually mundane and routine to me now require extra effort to complete. This is why I can't seem to remember details of conversations I have had or where in the HELL I put my keys or cell phone. It all makes sense now.
I did also manage to read that once a pregnant woman delivers her baby, her brain returns to its normal size within a couple of months. Thank goodness. Now if only I could say the same thing for my butt...
Yesterday morning, Aaron, Grace, and I attended a breakfast with Santa/book fair event that took place at Grace's school. We had a blast enjoying our all-you-can-eat stacks of pancakes and browsing around at the book fair and Grace even gathered up all of her courage to sit next to Santa (no way would she sit on his lap) to tell him what she wanted for Christmas. It was a fun morning and we all considered it time well-spent.
One part of the morning made me wrinkle my nose in disgust, though. As we were getting ready to purchase a couple of books at the book fair, I noticed a family next to us who seemed to be engaged in some sort of conflict. The children, who were maybe a year or two older than Grace, were asking their parents if they could purchase a book--just one. The parents were adamantly telling their children that no, they could not buy a book because the books were too expensive and that if they kept asking for a book, they were going to get in trouble. (By the way, one of the kids was holding the same book that I allowed Grace to purchase--the price on the book was $3.99).
Now, I am not one to spoil my child by allowing her to pick out and buy whatever she wants to at the store. I definitely find myself saying, "No," far more than I give in and buy Grace something she might not necessarily need. The thing that got under my skin about this family was that the two parents, as they were denying their children one book each, were sipping from their Venti-sized Starbucks take out cups. I love my Starbucks as much as the next gal, and I really don't like judging other parents because I know how hard parenting is, but if I found myself in a situation where I couldn't buy Grace a book for less than $4, I sure as heck wouldn't be spending $5 on a coffee. And, if I had a choice between the coffee and a book for Grace, you can bet your boots I'd choose the book for Grace.
I don't know--the whole thing just bothered me. The intent of the book fair, in addition to helping kids add to their home libraries, was to raise funds for the school, and that's definitely a good cause in my book. And if any child is showing interest in reading, even if they want to look at a simple picture book, shouldn't that interest be encouraged? Shouldn't we as parents be showing our kids that reading is more important than getting that daily caffeine fix?
This is a picture that Grace drew for me a day or two after the miscarriage last May. As far as I know, Grace was not prompted to draw this picture to cheer me up or make me feel better, so her drawing it had nothing to do with the miscarriage. But, I have always thought that the timing of this little gift to me from Gracie was very fortuitous. This picture that Grace drew of me gave me an indication of how Grace sees me-- as smiling and happy-- when I desperately needed to be reminded. After receiving this picture, I brought it with me to work and I hung it in my cube to remind me that my little girl sees her mommy as a happy, smiling person and that I need to keep my chin up for her even when I don’t feel much like smiling for any other reason.
Being pregnant after having a miscarriage is far more difficult, emotionally speaking, than I could have ever imagined. Yes, this pregnancy has been going really well so far—I have been feeling pretty darn good, I feel the baby kick all the time (sometimes with so much force that it hurts), the baby’s heartbeat has been good at each of our checkups, and after two ultrasounds, we have been able to determine that everything looks structurally perfect with our son. I have no reason whatsoever to believe that anything will go wrong with this pregnancy and that we will not end up with a healthy child in March. However, a constant fear that wasn’t present when I was pregnant with Grace hovers over me now like a black cloud and has prohibited me from feeling all of the excitement and anticipation that I felt during my first pregnancy. It’s like things are less innocent this time around.
Sure, I am excited about having another baby…I feel a surge of excitement each time I hear the baby’s heartbeat or feel the baby kick or look at his ultrasound pictures or outgrow yet another pair of pants. I gaze longingly at little boy clothes every time we’re out shopping and dream of what they would look like on our baby. But, instead of splurging a little and buying some of those little boy clothes, I pass them up and make a mental note of where I found them so we can buy them after the baby is born. The Pack ‘N’ Play we received from one of my coworkers remains folded up in a corner unopened—I haven’t been able to bring myself to open it up to inspect it yet. I haven’t been able to seriously consider any names for the baby yet because giving the baby a definite name at this point makes me feel too vulnerable.
Maybe all of this is because the day I would have been due to deliver the baby I miscarried is coming up—January 9th. Maybe it’s because my hormones are raging and I feel moody and morose at times the way it is, and that’s just part of being pregnant. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. I had a thought when I got pregnant again that somehow this pregnancy would erase the sadness I experienced when I miscarried this past spring. I was wrong. Those who told me that getting pregnant again after miscarrying would be the only way to feel better were also wrong. Those feelings haven’t gone away and I don’t know that they ever will.
I find myself looking at my picture from Grace more and more often these days. Once again, without knowing it, Gracie has managed to help me keep my chin up even when I am feeling my saddest and my most frightened. She reminds me that many, many pregnancies end up happily and that wonderful children like her are born. And, she inspires me to smile, because I never want her to picture me as anything other than her smiling, happy mama.
Aaron warming up my side of the bed each night before I crawl in bed.
Grace saying hilarious, random stuff like, "Aarie, your butt crack is showing," and "Mama, are you coming to see The Nutcrapper with me?" and "Everyone has a butt and some people's are stinky."
2% milk and pasteurized egg nog...mmm...creamy.
Finding my Decemberists CD's after months of searching.
My comfy chair at work that I stole from the conference room several months ago. Also thankful that no one has noticed that the chair is missing from the conference room.
My friend Michele leaving random candies on my desk at work throughout the day to cheer me up.
Kisses on the nose and big unsolicited hugs from Grace.
Laughter, and lots of it. Luckily, laughter abounds in my home.
Baby kicks.
Date nights.
Sundays at home, especially when a nap on the couch with Gracie is included.
Grace sleeping in her room all night long for the past several nights in a row. (!)
Aaron taking good care of me.
Aaron's sympathy symptoms because they show me that he is emotionally invested in this pregnancy and committed to me.
Good talks on the phone with my parents and my sister.
Knowing that next Thanksgiving, we will have another family member to celebrate with.
Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone!!
