One Year of Harrison

Dear Harrison,

One year ago today, you entered our lives. You came a little too early, though. I went in to the doctor for my regularly scheduled 36-week OB appointment, and my blood pressure was too high, so Dr. Fab surprised both Daddy and me by saying, "Well, today is baby day." So, off to the hospital we went, and about 24 hours later, you were born.

Coming a month early wasn't very easy on you, though. You had low blood pressure and you couldn't quite get the hang of eating, so you spent four days in the NICU at the hospital, learning how to eat and basically getting the hang of life on the outside. We all were so relieved when we were able to bring you home, and even better was that you came home on my birthday. You were the best birthday gift I could ever ask for.

During those first few days at home, you spent lots and lots of time on the Bili Bed, since you were pretty jaundiced. We called you our little glow worm.

Soon, though, you recovered from that rough delivery and we were able to hold you and love you all day long. Your sister really cherished you from the start, and some of her favorite times in those early days were when she could sit down and hold her beloved little brother.

As you continued to grow, your little personality began to shine through. You just loved to sit in your bouncy chair and look around, especially at anything on the ceiling, and smile at whomever took a moment to play with you.

Summer came, and you loved to spend time outdoors. One of your favorite things to do was to ride around in the baby carrier at the South Shore Farmers' Market. Everyone always stopped to marvel at how cute you were. We had to agree.

Also, during the summer, you started to learn to move around. You would roll over whenever we laid you down on the floor. You loved to lay on your tummy and lift up your head to look around.

When you were six months old. you started eating solid foods on a regular basis, and much to our delight and surprise, you loved just about everything we fed you. In fact, you're still an awesome eater and we have no reason to think things will ever be any different.

As summer turned into fall, we continued to let you enjoy the outdoors by taking you out on the lake on Grandpa Kohlbeck's boat...

...and then in September, we enjoyed having you with us for the first time during our yearly family trip to Apple Holler. You loved to watch us pick apples off the trees as you snuggled up in your stroller.

Late last fall, you became mobile, and whoa baby...batten down the hatches. You are in to EVERYTHING.

Oh my little boy, today, one year after your birth, I just can't imagine my life without you. You have brought so much love and joy to me and to our little family. You are so funny--you make me laugh every single day. You are such a sweet, good-natured boy and everyone knows it. You are an absolute joy, and words are not enough to explain how much I love you. Thank you for coming into my life and for being wonderful, adorable you. Thank you for this awesome year and I am so excited to watch you continue to grow. I look forward to being by your side throughout all of your journeys. Happy birthday, my little man.

Love,

Mommy

*also posted to milwaukeemoms.com

You Might Think I'm Crazy...

Soooooooooo...

If you read my other blog, One of Each, you have read recently that Aaron and I have been vacillating back and forth, agonizing and trying to decide whether or not we would be trying to conceive a third child in the near future. Well, yesterday we effectively ended that decision-making process, at least for the next year or so, because Aaron and I both registered to...

...get ready for it...

...run the Disney Half Marathon on January 8th, 2011.

Yep, you read that right. I will be getting up uber early (the race starts at 5:50am Eastern time) and running 13.1 miles. On purpose.

I've been running several days a week for a few months now and I'm able to run about four miles comfortably at this point. I have almost eleven months to get myself to be able to handle those additional nine miles...I think I can do it. Right? Stop shaking your head at me.

I'm excited for this. I love the way that running makes my body feel. Sure, my knees hurt sometimes and it's tiring and difficult as hell, but I feel strong, powerful, and graceful, and that's saying a lot for me. And, I am excited to be going through the training and buildup and the actual run with Aaron. I think this is going to be something really cool to experience with one of my absolute favorite people in the world.

Plus...we don't have to make a decision on baby #3 until at least next January. By that point, we might actually be able to make up our minds.

My Little Snow Bunny

Grace loves, loves, LOVES to ski. We took her skiing for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and she took some lessons to get comfortable on skis and to learn some of the fundamentals. She did well, so we decided to head back to the ski hill this past weekend to let her try out some of the bigger hills. She started out the day on the bunny hill:


Grace did so well on the bunny hill that she was bored by lunch, so after she fueled up with some tasty food, she decided to try out a bigger hill. She started out by getting on the chair lift with Aaron...

And a few minutes later, around the corner and down the hill she came.

Aaron told me she only fell down once! She tried that bigger hill a couple of times and loved it, and at the end of the day, she invited her mama to join her back on the bunny hill for a few more runs...

I look much better than I actually am. I fell down at least three times, and each time, Grace stopped to offer her help to me. Ugh.

My Sister Ate My Poop Once. True Story.

I originally posted this on my milwaukeemoms. com blog, but it cracked me up so I am posting it here, too...

I promise that the title will make sense in a moment, so try not to be grossed out and please keep reading. :-)

Yesterday was a really hard day in Mommyland. Harrison has RSV and he's also teething, so we're running pretty short in the sleep department around here. He was up for two hours the night before, screaming and writhing around and just generally miserable. And then yesterday Harrison would NOT go down for a nap, despite the fact that he was so exhausted he could hardly keep his eyes open. I'd have him asleep in the rocking chair, then I would lay him down and he would scream and scream until I finally gave in and picked him up. Then he did that like five more times. At one point in the morning, Harrison and I were both crying, Harrison because he was a tired, snot-nosed, coughing, needy, oh and by the way TEETHING hunk of sick and I because I was running on very little sleep and at the end of my rope. I even emailed my mom in the beginning of the day, which I rarely do because I know she's busy at work, to vent a little and illicit maybe a little piece of advice to keep me going.

Then, in the afternoon, my husband and I took Grace to the pediatric dentist for her first piece of orthodontic work. I know, she's young, but Grace has a severe underbite and her dentist recommended that we start fixing that before her adult teeth arrive so we don't have to worry about manuevering around them and possibly the need for surgery. We've been prepping Grace for this event for weeks. My husband had a very similar procedure done when he was a child, so he took off work just to be at the appointment for her, to coach her through it. So, Grace had a large metal appliance--that sits at the top of her mouth--cemented to two of her top teeth. In a few weeks, we will return to the dentist and they will adjust it so her top jaw continues to expand. Then, a few weeks after that, we will go back and they will fit Grace with headgear that she will need to wear every night for a year or more.

Grace seemed fine with this whole ordeal until supper last night. I prepared her favorite meal --a cheese quesadilla--and she was super excited. But after her first bite, she realized that this stupid piece of metal in her mouth would make eating (and talking and swallowing) a challenge, and after she got a piece of tortilla lodged under her appliance, she started to cry. And oh, (the tears are welling up right now for me) how I felt so, so bad for her. It's hard enough being a five-year-old girl without having to deal with your eating habits and your speech changing. I asked Grace what she wanted to eat, and she whimpered, "Something soft!!" So, I ran to the store, crying the whole way, to pick up some tomato soup and chocolate ice cream so that the poor kid wouldn't starve. Grace managed to choke that food down, and I made sure we had enough soft stuff around to carry her through until she gets used to this.

After the kids were both in bed last night, I sat down on the couch, feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I wanted to have a glass of wine and maybe a good cry. And then I remembered a story that my mom once told me. It made me feel better almost instantly, although I'm sure that wasn't my mom's intent when she told it to me.

My younger sister, Jennifer, and I are almost three years apart. One day, when I was potty training and my sister was newly mobile, Jenn was peetering around and she encountered my little potty chair sitting on our bathroom floor. I had just used the potty chair and my mom hadn't had a chance to clean it out yet, and Jenn, being a curious little one, decided to do what babies do and scoop up some of the yuck from the potty chair and put it right in her mouth. And this is where I gag just thinking about it, and then I laugh out loud because if you knew my sister now, she's so not a poop eater.

The point is that all moms, even my mom, who I consider to be choice among moms, have a crappy day (pardon the pun) every now and then. Yesterday sucked big time, but there is hope today. Harrison is currently fast asleep and I am comforted by his little sleep noises. Grace was able to get through her breakfast of oatmeal and applesauce this morning with only a little bit of trouble. Things are looking up.

11 Months

My baby boy is 11 months old today, and to celebrate, I took some short videos at lunchtime today. Enjoy!







He's waving hi at the end of the second video. Does it GET any cuter???

Grace doesn't have school today, and honestly, I find that days when Grace is home are far, far easier and more fun than days when she's at school. Harrison loves, loves, LOVES to play with his big sister, and it's moments like this when I am infinitely thankful that I have two kids.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck, You Pissed Me Off. Again.

I was watching "The View" this morning as I was tooling around the house, chasing after Harrison and making sure he kept all foreign objects out of his mouth, and naturally the ladies on "The View" were talking about yesterday's Senatorial vote yesterday in Massachusetts. (In case you don't know, our candidate lost.) The discussion that the ladies were having was centered at first on how handsome the winner of the election, Scott Brown, is (I don't see it, but whatever), but then the topic shifted and the ladies discussed other issues dealing with this vote. Yes, this is a big deal and it changes the whole health care debate's landscape. We all agree on that. What angered me to the point of stomping my foot like a petulant child was how Elisabeth Hasselbeck kept proclaiming things like, "The people are outraged and they have spoken!" and "We're tired of Obamacare being shoved down our throats!" and "We won't stand for deals being made behind closed doors!"

Um, what?

First off, this is not the first time the people have spoken. In fact, if you recall, they also spoke out about a year ago and we kicked YOUR people out of office. Don't act like this was a huge new revolution. And as far as things being shoved down our throats, I seem to remember our country being mired in not one but TWO wars, one of which shouldn't have been started at all. Who shoved that down our throats? Oh yeah, it was YOUR guy. Also, I'm pretty sure the Republicans under Bush and Karl Rove wrote the book on making deals behind closed doors. I remember reading an article by Rolling Stone reporter Matt Taibbi a couple of years ago that discussed how Republicans in Congress under Bush would change committee meeting sites at the last minute and not tell their Democratic counterparts so the Democrats wouldn't be able to show up.

I'm not saying that any of this is fair or right. What I am saying is that the selective amnesia of some people just friggin' ASTOUNDS me. Don't sit up on your high horse and prattle on about revolt and being outraged, because I'm still pissed off about the entire eight years Bush was in office.

Also, this whole election makes me sad, because it's going to set health care reform back. We need health care reform, people, and I believe that reform needs to include a public option. What kind of country is this where a lot of our citizens don't care that there are kids who don't have health insurance? For God's sake, you can keep your fabulous insurance if you're fortunate enough to have it, but let's step up and make sure that those can't get insurance are able to. It just confounds me that anyone could think that's a bad idea.

A while back, one of the other members of my church was speaking at a church service and said something like, "People call us Liberals, but I say we are just doing the right thing." Amen, brother. That sentiment stuck with me.

Anyway, after Elisabeth finished with her little tirade, I had to shut the TV off. Wouldn't want to throw the remote, now would I?

I Suck At This

So yeah...I started my other blog, One of Each, right before Christmas and since then I have posted on this blog one stinking time. And that post was about my other new blog, so that shouldn't even count. I suck at this multiple-blog thing. It seems that each time I come up with some brilliant idea for a new post, my immediate reaction is to write that post for my other blog. Maybe that will change as the novelty of my other blog wears off a bit, but until then, please excuse the erratic and infrequent posting here. I'll work it out. I also started babysitting three days a week, so a big chunk of my time is consumed with feedings, cleaning up poop and spit up, and all that. And you think your life is glamorous?

Anyhoo, since we're only five days into the new year, I thought it might be interesting to think of some resolutions for the year. Except this year I'm not making resolutions dealing with things I want to do. I'm going bizarro. I'm resolving to NOT do things. Such as...

I resolve to not regret buying that pair of size 6 jeans.

I resolve to not take full advantage of the open bar at Aaron's work winter formal and thus make a complete ass of myself. Again.

I resolve to not cut my hair this short again.

I resolve to not save working out until the end of the day, when I'm pooped out and have already had my nightly glass of wine.

I resolve to not back into the house with the new vehicle. Again.

I resolve to not let myself be shy and to not miss out on fun stuff because I feel like The Weird Girl.

I resolve to not wake up more than once a night. (Yeah, good luck with that one...)

I resolve to not go snowboarding.

I resolve to not obsess too much about the orderliness (Is that a word? It is now.) of my house, because when you have two kids, let's face it, it's always a mess.

I resolve to not let a day go by without letting my family know how much I love them.

And...........

I resolve to not neglect this blog.

Happy belated 2010 everyone!

Exciting!! *UPDATED*

I have a bit of news to report! I have begun blogging for milwaukeemoms.com, which is an online resource and a networking community for Milwaukee parents who have kids from ages 0-6, and I am very excited about this new opportunity. My new blog, One of Each, will contain stories about my many adventures in parenting, but I am also planning some entries on living as a vegetarian and possibly on what I have learned while managing a single-income household. (Ah, my financial wisdom--my mother can hardly believe her eyes.)

Please visit and read my new blog often...it can be found here:

http://www.milwaukeemoms.com/blogs/kitchentable/one_of_each.html

And, if you feel so inclined, please feel free to comment on any of my blog posts...you need to register with the site in order to comment, but registration is easy and free!! Also, feel free to browse the entire site, especially if you're in the Milwaukee area. There are tons of great things to be found!

Don't worry...I won't stop posting here. I need a place to blog about bodily fluids and post endless pics of my kids.

Pics That DIDN'T Make Our Christmas Card

Oh, you have NO idea how much work it took to get that perfect Christmas picture.

We Need a Gate Around Our Christmas Tree

Check it out:



Harrison has been "sorta crawling" for quite a while now--he would crawl a few paces then roll back onto his bottom--but over the past few weeks he has really started to take off. He really took notice of our Christmas tree yesterday, and ever since, it has been a struggle to keep him away from it. I've decided to relax, put the unbreakable ornaments at the bottom of the tree, and let him explore a little.

Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those days when I had to dig really, really deep to find the patience I needed to deal with...well...everything.

Ever have one of those days? I have to work hard to be patient on a regular day...I'm not a patient person at all, and yesterday was particularly challenging for me for some reason.

After I put Grace to bed last night, I thought to myself, "It must be hard being my daughter sometimes." Because as much as I tried to be patient with her yesterday, I just couldn't do it. I told her to hurry up when she was putting on her new boots in the morning. I huffed and sighed as she took her sweet time putting her jacket on when I picked her up at school. And when she wanted to take a nice, long shower after swimming lessons, I shut the water off after she had rinsed and told her to just get dried off and dressed already. When we got home from swimming, before I put Grace to bed, she asked me, "Mama, why are you so mad today?"

Ugh. Why indeed?

Some days I think it's probably hard to be my anything...my spouse, my child, my parent, my friend. I'll just have to try harder to do better today.

9 Months

Check out the cute:


You can see his wispy blonde hair in the sun and his two little bottom teeth. I keep thinking he can't get any cuter, but he does.

Giving Thanks

I have written a Thanksgiving post every year for the past few years, and this year won't be an exception. I know that Turkey Day (or, if you're a PETA person, Tofurkey Day) is still two days away, but since I will be hitting the road tomorrow for the weekend, you're getting your annual Thanksgiving post a bit early this year.

I am thankful for...

The newest member of my little family, Harrison. You entered my life 9 months ago tomorrow and I can't even imagine life without you. Before you were born, I worried so much about having enough love in my heart for my second child. After all, I love Grace so much, with all my heart...how would I ever be able to muster that much love for another child? But then you came, and all of my fears were instantly erased. You changed my heart. You made it grow. And you taught me that a mommy's love knows no bounds. Thank you.

My first baby, Grace. There is just no possible way to articulate how much you have changed in the past year. You went from only child to big sister. You know how to read. You go to bed on your own, after a story and a hug and kiss. You understand things. You're growing up right in front of my eyes. You are silly and fun. Laughing with you is one of my favorite things to do in the whole world. You're so caring, so loving, so full of life. So amazing. Thank you for being you.

My love, Aaron. I watched you become a daddy this year. This is my first time going through life with a baby with you, and wow. I am so proud of you. When I tell you that any kid would be lucky to have you for a dad, I mean it. You give 100% to your kids, and when they require more than that, you give it to them. You love them with all your heart. And when you walk through the door each evening, their faces light up to see you. They can't wait to spend time with you. And, you make being a mom so much easier for me, because you are truly my partner--you accept your fair share of the hard work, the struggles, and because of that, you also see the triumphs. I love you. So, so proud of the father that you are. Thank you.

My parents and my sister--my support system. When I say, "I couldn't have done it without you," this year, I mean it. Like, I COULD NOT have done this whole "having a second baby" thing without you guys. You guys stepped in and helped out with Grace when I had my super-surprise induction, taking off work and creating chaos in your lives for several days, without hesitation. And the thing is, I know you guys think it's no big deal...it's what family does. But, it's not what EVERY family does, and that's what is so awesome about you guys. I can't tell you how much what you did, and all you continue to do, means to me. So, thank you.

*sniff*

And now, some less gooshy things I am thankful for this year:

-Mexican hot chocolate
-Alterra coffee
-Really good vegetarian recipes
-Beans--black, pinto, kidney, and otherwise

(Why are these all food-related?)

-The "Twilight" saga...I'm an addict
-Daytime TV
-Our new vehicle, the Mazda 5, especially the sliding doors
-My church and my new church family
-My Daisy Scouts and my co-leader, Tracey
-Zip-up baby sleepers
-My new hat...my head looks fabulous even on 4 hours of sleep!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Nerds and Vampires, A Conversation

Tonight, while watching "Big Bang Theory":

Me, to Aaron: You're my Leonard.

Aaron walks away dejectedly. I presume he didn't appreciate the fact that I implied he was nerdy, but he *claims* he was only going to the kitchen for salsa.

Me: Well, you're my Edward (as in Edward Cullen, the vampire in "Twilight") too!

Aaron: I'm a twinkly vampire?

Me: No, I mean that I can't live without you. Duh.

Aaron: Well, you're my hemoglobin. *snickers* I can't live without you, either. *more snickers*

Me, whispering to myself so Aaron can't hear: See, you are a nerd.

Not My Kid?

Today, Grace's Q1 report card came home, and in looking at it, I am wondering whose kid Grace REALLY is...

Socially, Grace is doing really well in school. She has lots of friends, she participates in class discussions, and she (mostly) behaves. She shows care and concern for others. She is kind and she shares. She is respectful and follows the rules. That doesn't surprise me.

What does surprise me a bit...a lot, actually...is how Grace is doing academically.

As a child, and even into middle school, high school, and college, I was always above grade level in Reading and Writing. I read at the fourth grade level in Kindergarten, and I was always in the special, gifted groups for classes like Reading, Spelling, and Language Arts. However, Math and Science were the bane of my existence. The only class I ever came close to getting a D in was Chemistry. I struggled with each and every math class that I have ever had to take, and I was so very thankful that my major in college didn't require me to take any math classes.

Grace does well in Reading and Writing. She is right about where she should be in those subjects as a Kindergartner. However, the "X's" she received as satisfactory marks in Reading and Writing faded into resounding "+'s" that she earned this quarter in Math and Science--she exceeds grade level targets in these two areas. In fact, her teacher noted that Grace's areas of strength are likely to be...you guessed it...Math and Science. As I took this all in, I stood, looking at her report card, mouth agape, wondering where this talent came from.

Oh, and the other area she is doing really well in? Physical Education. Um, what? I was the kid who always got picked last for games in Gym class and who actually peed in her pants once while playing kickball. Yep. I was so nervous that someone was going to kick the ball to me.

One indicator Grace is actually my kid, though...As we were driving to get ice cream this past weekend, she told me that I made her heart turn upside down because, even though she was happy I was taking her to get ice cream, I wouldn't let her to go the ice cream place she REALLY wanted to go to. And also because I managed to lose her new favorite barrette. Yes, she is premenstrual early, just like I was.

Growing Up

The H-man is crawling. This morning as Grace was eating her breakfast and I was hurrying to apply a layer of makeup before walking Grace to school, Harrison was sitting on the floor next to me, playing with some blocks. He pushed himself over onto his hands and knees, as he often does, but instead of just plopping onto his tummy or crawling backwards, he crawled about two paces forward. And suddenly Grace and I were on the floor, cheering, "Go buddy!" and "C'mon! You can do it!!"

Who is this baby and how is it possible that he is crawling already? How can it be that he already has two little teeth peeking out from his gums? Wasn't he just a teeny newborn? And now he is less than four months away from his first birthday...he won't be a baby for too much longer.

I love this stage of babyhood and I know it will pass too quickly. I am excited to watch Harrison grow up, but I find myself wishing time would slow down, just a little bit.

Of Prayers and Vaccines

First off, many prayers and thoughts for the folks down at Ft. Hood. I lived about a mile from Ft. Hood's gates back in 2001 and 2002 (in my previous life, when I was an Army wife), so when I heard the news of this tragedy yesterday, I felt especially sad. I remember how difficult it was to live the Army life, and I just can't imagine how much more stress this is adding to the soldiers and their families. Many, many prayers for all...

So, I managed to get H1N1 vaccines for both the kiddos, and it took some work. I have been calling our pediatrician's office every week since September 1st looking for the seasonal flu shot (which the kids still haven't gotten), and I started to ask for the H1N1 vaccine around that time as well. Each time I called, I was given the run-around..."call next week", "we don't know when they're coming", yadda, yadda, yadda...and it was really starting to piss me off. When I called last week I was told, "We don't know when we will have them, and by the way, we may NEVER have them. So if you can find the vaccines out in the community, go for it." I was in a particularly bad mood that day, so I decided to pursue things a bit further. I called the Clinic Administrator. I told her I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know how I could protect my children, and most of all, I wanted to know why in the HELL Target and Walgreens were able to purchase seasonal flu vaccines (and by the way, they are only vaccinating people who are 18 or older), but doctors' offices couldn't obtain them.

To my surprise, the Clinic Administrator was very pleasant and helpful. She informed me that more vaccine would be coming at the end of November and that she would put the kids' names on a waiting list, so that when they did receive vaccine, we would be called. She also gave me a website (www.pandemic.wisconsin.gov, for those of you in Wisconsin who are interested) that displays all of the public flu clinics in our area, so we could also try to find vaccine out in the community.

That afternoon, our pediatrican (who is also the clinic's Medical Director) also called me. He let me know that he shares my frustration (he has kids and a pregnant wife) and reiterated that since our family is high risk--with an 8-month-old and a 5-year-old who is in elementary school and spends her days with other germy kids--our kids would be put on a waiting list and we would be called as soon as vaccine became available. And I felt a little stupid for a minute, getting all of this attention, but then I remembered that I am a mom, and if anyone is going to fight for what is right for my kids, it's gonna be me.

There is a lesson to be learned here...it pays to complain. It pays to pick up the phone and make a couple of calls, because earlier this week, our pediatrician called and said he had received limited amount of the nasal H1N1 vaccine and that he would save one for Gracie.

Unfortunately, our clinic did not receive the injectable H1N1 vaccine, so Harrison was not able to be vaccinated that day. However, the city of Milwaukee held a clinic yesterday for the high risk groups, so I bundled Harrison up, stood in line with him for two hours, and got him vaccinated. And, because I thought to ask, Harrison got the thimerosal-free version of the vaccine. Ask, if you're concerned about that sort of thing, because it's available.

We get to do this all over again in four weeks...both kids need booster shots. And, as I said, neither of them has received the seasonal flu shot yet. I will keep calling.

Autumn

I love Autumn...sweatshirt weather is my favorite (and not just because sweatshirts cover up my muffin top) and with two kiddos around, it seems that Fall is more fun than ever. Check out these pics from our recent trip to Apple Holler:

Fear

I have aviophobia. I am extremely afraid of flying...so much so that I have talked my way out of flying on a couple of instances and if I do end up having to fly, I am physically sick for weeks before the flight.

For quite some time, Aaron and I had been talking about taking a trip back to Disney World, just the two of us, to celebrate our anniversary. (Grace of the future...I am sorry we didn't tell you where we were going, but you understand...you would have flipped your shizzy. Plus I'm sure you had a blast with Grandma and Grandpa anyway.) We decided that since MPS kids have off the last Thursday and Friday of October for Teacher's Convention, that would be a good time for us to take our trip--we wouldn't have to yank Grace out of school at all. So, we booked our flight and our hotel, and I made an effort to forget about the whole thing for a while.

A couple of weeks ago, though, the panic started to set in. I started checking the "fear of flying" forums online. I spent an unwarranted amount of time researching safety stats for the aircraft we will be flying in. I began having thoughts of impending doom. I started to feel convinced that I would never have the chance to see my children grow up. My palms would sweat when I would even think of getting on a plane. I even thought about trying to convince Aaron that we should extend our trip by a couple of days so we could drive or take the train (I never broached the subject with him, though, because I don't think it would have been well-received.)

Yeah. This is a problem for me.

I am generally a fearful person. I remember as a child I would lay still in my bed to listen for sounds of intruders in the middle of the night. I would creep around the kitchen at night while my parents watched television in the living room, looking for signs that someone was trying to break into our house. I had to go home from Girl Scout camp several days early because I was terrified of the whole thing. And as an adult, I'm still fearful of many things. I have a hard time getting on the El in Chicago because I know there's a chance that the train will go underground, and that terrifies me. When someone I love gets sick, I lose sleep worrying and thinking that they might die. I think the same thing when I get sick. And on days like today when Grace goes on a school field trip, I worry that she will be in a bus accident or that she will get separated from her group and will be lost.

I don't like feeling like this, and I really wish I didn't.

For this upcoming trip, I decided that I would bite the bullet and ask for pharmaceutical help. I went to the doctor on Monday and he prescribed some Ativan (he considered Xanax first but then decided that Xanax wears off too quickly...love that man). Funny thing...once I had those pills in my hand, my fear of flying started to fade ever so slightly...could I be afraid of the fear I know I will feel?

I did a trial run with the Ativan last evening, just to make sure it would work out ok for our flight next week, and it did its job. Mostly I just felt mellow, my limbs felt a little heavier, and I was a little tired. I tried to make myself afraid by thinking about flying, and I couldn't force myself to get too worked up about it. We'll see what happens when I'm actually confronted with the thing I fear...

Dispatch From the Infirmary

So, where were we? Last week Grace was home sick on Friday, and even though she was showing signs of feeling better late Friday morning, I still took her in to the doctor Friday afternoon. Good thing I did...she had strep throat...again. Luckily, this bout of strep was much less severe than the last time she had it, but this time, just for fun, she had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics that she had to take. Since Grace is allergic to virtually every other antibiotic known to man, the doctor on call that I had paged on Sunday afternoon (after Grace's new rash flared up) decided to place her on one final antibiotic that might work. Here is the conversation that I had with the pharmacy tech at Walgreen's when I went to pick up the new antibiotic:

Pharm Tech: So, does your daughter like to take prescription medication?

Me: Um, no.

Pharm Tech: Because she's gonna HATE this one.

Me: *blank stare*

Pharm Tech: It is the worst tasting medicine ever.

It would appear as though this is true. The first time Grace took this new medicine, she cried because it tasted so bad. And she has to take it three times a day for the next five days. Humph.

At least Grace is on the mend. As you all know from my constant bitching not only here but also on Facebook and Twitter, Harrison has been sick for a month now, since the day after he started day care. He had a cold, then he was a little better. He had a cough, and then it went away for a day or two. Then, he caught the flu, got swabbed for H1N1 (which was negative, thank goodness), and then got a teeny bit better. Then, this past weekend, he got sicker than I have ever seen him. His nose was so congested he could barely breathe. His cough was worse and more painful-sounding than ever. He would wake up at night just howling because he was so miserable. And, yesterday morning when we woke up his right eye was crusted shut and the skin underneath was purple and swollen. Awesome.

So, back to the doctor we went...and Harrison has not only a severe case of pink eye, but the infection from the pink eye somehow made it into his skin surrounding his eye (perhaps from a small crack in the skin) and he has a case of cellulitis in the tissue around his eye. In case you don't know, cellulitis is a skin infection, and if it's not treated, the infection can spread to the bloodstream and can be life-threatening. Needless to say, the boy is on a high dose of strong antibiotics...which cause terrible diarrhea, so that's fun.

The only bright side to all of this is that Grace is already on antibiotics, so the chance of her catching pink eye from Harrison is very small.

We might be overreacting, but we decided to yank H out of day care. I'm staying home and he can deal with other kids' germs when he's bigger. And we're gonna try like hell to make sure Grace stays healthy and washes her hands very frequently so we can minimize the germs she brings home from school.

For those of you that know me well, you know that I have been having a tough time with this. I tend to imagine the worst when my kids are sick, so when the doctor told me yesterday that my baby has a serious infection, it wasn't pretty. I managed to hold myself together until last evening, after I had put H down for a pre-supper nap and after I got Grace busy playing with paper dolls in the living room. I was preparing dinner and I was suddenly seized with an overwhelming sense of panic and guilt, and all I could do was sit on the back steps and cry. Yeah, it's been a long month.