La Casa de Sara

Moving On

2010-07-28T13:06:00.005-05:00

So if you visit this site regularly, I apologize that posting here has been very light since the beginning of the year. With the start up of my milwaukeemoms.com blog, One of Each, it has become apparent to me that I possess neither the time nor the attention span to maintain two blogs simultaneously. So, most of my attention went to One of Each and La Casa de Sara was left untouched.

I felt badly about that, but again, I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep up with two blogs that dealt with essentially the same topics at the same time. I also felt like I had begun to outgrow La Casa de Sara. After all, much of the content of this blog deals with single parenthood, dating while raising a child, working outside the home, pregnancy, and childbirth. I have moved out of those parts of my life and into stay-at-home motherhood and raising children instead of bearing them.

At the same time, I was feeling a little stifled over at One of Each. That blog is posted on a site where several other blogs are published and I just didn't feel like I could express myself as freely as I wanted to. I want to make it clear that no one ever instructed me to edit my content or anything of the sort...it was purely my own perceptions and, maybe, paranoia that prompted me to feel that way. I wanted to be able to feel like I could say whatever I wanted to say whenever I wanted to say it on my blog, and unfortunately I just never felt very comfortable doing that on One of Each.

It became clear to me, then, that I needed to get back to one blog on a site over which I had control. And since I felt like I had outgrown La Casa de Sara, the only logical choice for me was to discontinue writing on La Casa de Sara and One of Each and start a new blog for myself. That blog, Diary of a Midwestern Housewife, has been started and can be found here:

http://www.diaryofamidwesternhousewife.com/

You will be able to access the content of La Casa de Sara and One of Each through links that I have posted on the side menu of Diary of a Midwestern Housewife.

I hope you will enjoy reading my new blog. I hope you visit often. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading La Casa de Sara over the years. I hope you will follow my journey.

Sara

Happy Birthday Princess

2010-05-28T13:47:00.002-05:00

Today is Grace's 6th birthday and I have a post written all about it over on my other blog at Milwaukeemoms.com. Here is the link to that post if you'd like to read it (and weep, because boy, I sure did while I was writing it):

http://www.milwaukeemoms.com/blogs/kitchentable/95021614.html

Ok, I'm not being lazy by not posting the entire entry here at La Casa de Sara. Really. We at Milwaukeemoms.com are trying to boost the traffic over at that site and so there you go...go read this post and any of the others that strike your fancy.

Happy birthday, little Gracie. Mama loves you so, so much.

PSA

2010-05-11T09:09:00.003-05:00

Ok, yeah, yeah, I've let over two weeks elapse AGAIN between postings here on my poor, sad, neglected little personal blog. My other blog for milwaukeemoms.com has been the recipient of the lion's share of my creative juices lately, but it's paying off...I've been invited to appear on a local morning show here in Milwaukee this coming Friday to promote my blog a bit more and talk about some of the topics I have discussed on there. My biggest crisis about the whole thing is that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WEAR!

But that is not why I am here today. I am here today to tell you all one very important thing: It really IS essential that you floss. You're welcome.

I am not a fan of going to the dentist. I think I have discussed this here before, but just the thought of some masked person all up in my business and wielding needles, drills, and other scary pointy things makes me feel sick to my stomach. I just don't like people getting too close to my face and when you add that to the vulnerable feeling of lying flat while someone is working on my teeth above me, it's enough to make me not go to the dentist for a long time. In fact, since my most recent cleaning, I think it had probably been about five years since I had been to the dentist for a regular ol' checkup.

But OH! I would go in to see my friendly neighborhood dentist if something major happened, like a tooth breaking or major throbbing toothaches. And I took such good care of my teeth that why should I need to go in every six months for a cleaning? Why indeed?? Well, this is why...when I went in for my most recent cleaning, about a month ago, I had SEVEN cavities. Not one, not two, not five. SEVEN. So, over a series of four appointments, I have to get them all fixed, and without the benefit of nitrous oxide to get me through. (Ok, yeah, I could have done sedation dentistry and had all seven cavities filled at once while relaxing in a drug-induced stupor, but I'm both too cheap and too stupid to shell out the several hundred dollars for the procedure.) Oh yeah, and two of the cavities were so bad that they might still potentially need root canals. *shudder*

Here's the thing. I don't floss. I brush my teeth really, really well but I just don't floss. And my dentist, in his nice, friendly, non-pressuring way while he's elbow-deep in my mouth, has reminded me about eight thousand times that had I flossed, none of this decay would have taken place--all of my cavities are between teeth.

So, let my pain serve as a lesson to you. Floss, people. Do it. Last night as I was getting my third injection of anesthetic to numb my teeth, and after I went home so numb that I chewed the inside of my cheek till it bled, I wished that I had listened to my dentist all these years. Again, you're welcome.

Baby Bjorn

2010-04-25T17:28:00.003-05:00

Harrison turned 14 months old today. Can you believe it, 'cause I can't.

And no, he's still not sleeping through the night. Whatever.

We were visiting some dear friends down in the Chicago area yesterday, and they remarked that Harrison, with his almost-white blonde hair, looks like his name should be Bjorn. It's nice to hear that, although Baby Bjorn has all of his daddy's facial features and looks like he will have his daddy's body type as well, some of his mommy's Norwegian genes made it through...And you will never, ever be able to convince me to cut that beautiful boy's hair.

Grace-isms

2010-04-21T15:34:00.002-05:00

Out of Grace's mouth, within a span of about 10 minutes this afternoon:

Grace: (pulling me by the arm into the living room as I was cleaning up the kitchen) Mama, pretend you REALLY love it when me and Harrison make a mess. Because I have something to show you that you will LOVE...

Then, a few minutes later...

Grace: Mama, do you know how to do the "Hand Job"?

Me: *spits out coffee*

Grace: *blank stare*

Me: (recovering) I'm sorry...do I know how to do the what?

Grace: The "Hand Job"

Me: (cringing inwardly) What do you mean?

Grace: (demonstrates the Hand JIVE) See, this. We learned this in school.

Me: Oh, the Hand JIVE. Yes I do know how to do that.

Then we practiced saying "Hand JIVE" over and over again until I was sure Grace would never make that same mistake again.

Post-It Note Art

2010-04-19T13:20:00.002-05:00

We found a long-lost stack of pink heart-shaped Post-It Notes in a box that I was going through this weekend, and Grace had a field day drawing little pictures on the notes. Today, as I was speeding around the house, cleaning up before my Monday got started, I picked up the pictures to throw them away (I mean, to put them in my treasure box to hold on to and, well, treasure for the rest of my days), but then I stopped to look at them a little closer. Two things became clear to me. One: Grace is a far better artist than I ever was as a young kid, let alone at age five. Two: Wow...Grace is a really good, even gifted, artist in general. Look at the detail on some of these. Bangs fall in front of the person's eyes in a few of them. Some of them have freckles. A couple of them have beauty marks. There are different hairstyles, different facial expressions...

I know every parent thinks their Little Picasso is the best, but I gotta say, I'm pretty darn impressed. I might hang on to these after all.

Wordless Wednesday: Our Trip to the Milwaukee Art Museum

2010-04-07T16:47:00.006-05:00

The Problem With The World

2010-03-23T14:23:00.003-05:00

I've figured out what the problem is with the world. Ready??

It's celebrity gift bags. Yep.

So I was watching Ellen this afternoon, and let me just start out by saying that I love Ellen. I really do. She does a lot of really nice things for people that need help, she donates gobs of money, she's an advocate for animals, and let's face it, she's hilarious. But today I had Ellen on in the background while I was doing some baking (vegan oatmeal cranberry cookies...mmm...) (also, how freaking DOMESTIC am I?), and as Ellen was chatting with one of her guests, the subject of the celebrity gift bag came up. They were talking about the guest's gift bag and Ellen asked her if there was enough stuff in it. And I was all like, "WHAT?!? Celebrities get a gift bag for appearing on a talk show?!? THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD!!"

Ok, so I guess I knew about this whole gift bag thing, but it just struck me today. As we are in the midst of the health care reform passage (yay comrades!!), I find myself listening to person after person talking about how they can't afford health care for their children, and here we are giving celebrities, PEOPLE WHO ARE ALREADY MILLIONAIRES, gift bags, just for being on a talk show for ten minutes?!? Gift bags full of expensive crap that the average person will never be able to afford?!?!?! Am I the only person who thinks that this is outrageous?!! More exclamation points!!!!

I should just calm down and have another one of those tasty cookies that I made. But seriously? Give me a break. Skip the gift bags and spend the money on something that really matters.

Behold!

2010-03-11T12:42:00.002-06:00

Harrison's first word...

As I play this video, he's sitting next to me, saying, "Hi!" And yes, he is the most adorable little boy ever.

Ugh. Just...Ugh

2010-03-04T13:56:00.003-06:00

Ok, so we all know that Harrison is a crappy sleeper...blah, blah, blah...he doesn't sleep through the night STILL...yadda, yadda, yadda...he takes naps in 20 to 30-minute increments most days. After yet another 20-minute session of trying to put H down for a nap, which involved some rocking, some back rubbing, about 5 minutes of letting him cry, and then another 5 minutes of rubbing his back and singing to him, I decided to take a look at one of my go-to websites, babycenter.com, to find out what the "experts'" views are on dealing with a 1 year old who still wakes up several times. Here's what I found:

C H I L D W O N ' T S T A Y A S L E E P
Mindell's view	As long as you're putting your child to sleep on his own at bedtime, it's all right to do what you think will help him go back to sleep, such as rocking him or pacing the floor until he falls asleep. As long as his bedtime routine is consistent, night waking should diminish in a few weeks. If this doesn't work, you'll have to resort to a checking routine: Stay in your child's room for a brief time, keep contact neutral, and don't pick him up. Leave and return in five-minute intervals, gradually increasing the time you're gone. Read more about Mindell.
Ferber's view	Make sure your child falls asleep alone — without you, a pacifier, or a bottle. If he won't stay asleep, try letting him cry for progressively longer intervals of time, starting at five minutes, increasing to 10, and so on. Between intervals, you can spend about two to three minutes with your child, reassuring him by talking to him and possibly patting him on the back. Don't pick him up or rock him. Read more about Ferber.
The AAP's view	Don't pick up your child or bring him to your room. He needs to learn to put himself back to sleep, even if it means crying a bit first. Comfort him for a short time, and continue to return briefly every five to 10 minutes until he falls asleep. Read more about the AAP.
Brazelton's view	Break into your child's sleep rhythm by waking him up before your bedtime. Love and cuddle him, feed him if necessary, and put him down again, reassuring him that you're there. Be firm, and make sure you're following all your familiar bedtime rituals. Read more about Brazelton.
Sears' view	Be flexible. Don't let your child cry it out; instead, try to find the source of his wakefulness (such as a dirty diaper, hunger, upset routines during the day, a stuffy nose, or even irritating pajamas). Increase his daytime attachment to you and let Dad play the role of nighttime co-comforter so both parents can help their child fall back to sleep. If your child has been a consistent sleeper but is going through a big development spurt, expect him to wake up more often at night. When this happens, try to get him back to sleep without taking him out of his crib. Instead, pat his back, talk to him soothingly, and sing. You can also consider taking him into your own bed. Read more about Sears.

(found at http://www.babycenter.com/0_child-wont-stay-asleep-1-to-2-years_3660.bc)

So what the hell am I supposed to do, exactly?

I'd like to add an opinion please...

Kohlbeck's view: Take your baby to the bedroom when he appears tired. Rock him gently until his eyes begin to close. Get up to put him into crib NO WAIT he's awake again so rock him some more until he smiles at you and starts sticking his fingers in your mouth to perform some sort of joyous dental exam then sigh loudly and put him BACK into crib and walk out of room as baby starts to scream. Listen to baby scream for approximately 5 minutes while pacing the floor outside the bedroom door and chastising yourself for bring a TERRIBLE PARENT then go back into bedroom and lay sobbing, drippy-nosed baby back down in crib and rub his back while chanting, "It's ok, Mommy's here," until he FINALLY drifts off. Crawl on all fours toward bedroom door so as not to wake sleeping baby. And when he wakes up in 20 minutes, decide if he's still tired and if he is, repeat. Do this twice a day at nap time, then again once each night at bed time. Purchase a case of Two Buck Chuck and figure out how to maintain a good sense of humor. When all else fails, bring baby into bed with you and spend the night tossing and turning as baby monopolizes entire bed and kicks you and digs his little toenails into your back and occasionally pulls your hair or punches you in the face, just for fun. Wave to and smile at your spouse who's WAAAAAY over on the other side of the bed.

One Year of Harrison

2010-02-25T10:03:00.016-06:00

Dear Harrison,

One year ago today, you entered our lives. You came a little too early, though. I went in to the doctor for my regularly scheduled 36-week OB appointment, and my blood pressure was too high, so Dr. Fab surprised both Daddy and me by saying, "Well, today is baby day." So, off to the hospital we went, and about 24 hours later, you were born.

Coming a month early wasn't very easy on you, though. You had low blood pressure and you couldn't quite get the hang of eating, so you spent four days in the NICU at the hospital, learning how to eat and basically getting the hang of life on the outside. We all were so relieved when we were able to bring you home, and even better was that you came home on my birthday. You were the best birthday gift I could ever ask for.

During those first few days at home, you spent lots and lots of time on the Bili Bed, since you were pretty jaundiced. We called you our little glow worm.

Soon, though, you recovered from that rough delivery and we were able to hold you and love you all day long. Your sister really cherished you from the start, and some of her favorite times in those early days were when she could sit down and hold her beloved little brother.

As you continued to grow, your little personality began to shine through. You just loved to sit in your bouncy chair and look around, especially at anything on the ceiling, and smile at whomever took a moment to play with you.

Summer came, and you loved to spend time outdoors. One of your favorite things to do was to ride around in the baby carrier at the South Shore Farmers' Market. Everyone always stopped to marvel at how cute you were. We had to agree.

Also, during the summer, you started to learn to move around. You would roll over whenever we laid you down on the floor. You loved to lay on your tummy and lift up your head to look around.

When you were six months old. you started eating solid foods on a regular basis, and much to our delight and surprise, you loved just about everything we fed you. In fact, you're still an awesome eater and we have no reason to think things will ever be any different.

As summer turned into fall, we continued to let you enjoy the outdoors by taking you out on the lake on Grandpa Kohlbeck's boat...

...and then in September, we enjoyed having you with us for the first time during our yearly family trip to Apple Holler. You loved to watch us pick apples off the trees as you snuggled up in your stroller.

Late last fall, you became mobile, and whoa baby...batten down the hatches. You are in to EVERYTHING.

Oh my little boy, today, one year after your birth, I just can't imagine my life without you. You have brought so much love and joy to me and to our little family. You are so funny--you make me laugh every single day. You are such a sweet, good-natured boy and everyone knows it. You are an absolute joy, and words are not enough to explain how much I love you. Thank you for coming into my life and for being wonderful, adorable you. Thank you for this awesome year and I am so excited to watch you continue to grow. I look forward to being by your side throughout all of your journeys. Happy birthday, my little man.

Love,

Mommy

*also posted to milwaukeemoms.com

You Might Think I'm Crazy...

2010-02-22T10:53:00.003-06:00

Soooooooooo...

If you read my other blog, One of Each, you have read recently that Aaron and I have been vacillating back and forth, agonizing and trying to decide whether or not we would be trying to conceive a third child in the near future. Well, yesterday we effectively ended that decision-making process, at least for the next year or so, because Aaron and I both registered to...

...get ready for it...

...run the Disney Half Marathon on January 8th, 2011.

Yep, you read that right. I will be getting up uber early (the race starts at 5:50am Eastern time) and running 13.1 miles. On purpose.

I've been running several days a week for a few months now and I'm able to run about four miles comfortably at this point. I have almost eleven months to get myself to be able to handle those additional nine miles...I think I can do it. Right? Stop shaking your head at me.

I'm excited for this. I love the way that running makes my body feel. Sure, my knees hurt sometimes and it's tiring and difficult as hell, but I feel strong, powerful, and graceful, and that's saying a lot for me. And, I am excited to be going through the training and buildup and the actual run with Aaron. I think this is going to be something really cool to experience with one of my absolute favorite people in the world.

Plus...we don't have to make a decision on baby #3 until at least next January. By that point, we might actually be able to make up our minds.

My Little Snow Bunny

2010-02-08T09:28:00.010-06:00

Grace loves, loves, LOVES to ski. We took her skiing for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and she took some lessons to get comfortable on skis and to learn some of the fundamentals. She did well, so we decided to head back to the ski hill this past weekend to let her try out some of the bigger hills. She started out the day on the bunny hill:

Grace did so well on the bunny hill that she was bored by lunch, so after she fueled up with some tasty food, she decided to try out a bigger hill. She started out by getting on the chair lift with Aaron...

And a few minutes later, around the corner and down the hill she came.

Aaron told me she only fell down once! She tried that bigger hill a couple of times and loved it, and at the end of the day, she invited her mama to join her back on the bunny hill for a few more runs...

I look much better than I actually am. I fell down at least three times, and each time, Grace stopped to offer her help to me. Ugh.

My Sister Ate My Poop Once. True Story.

2010-02-03T11:30:00.001-06:00

I originally posted this on my milwaukeemoms. com blog, but it cracked me up so I am posting it here, too...

I promise that the title will make sense in a moment, so try not to be grossed out and please keep reading. :-)

Yesterday was a really hard day in Mommyland. Harrison has RSV and he's also teething, so we're running pretty short in the sleep department around here. He was up for two hours the night before, screaming and writhing around and just generally miserable. And then yesterday Harrison would NOT go down for a nap, despite the fact that he was so exhausted he could hardly keep his eyes open. I'd have him asleep in the rocking chair, then I would lay him down and he would scream and scream until I finally gave in and picked him up. Then he did that like five more times. At one point in the morning, Harrison and I were both crying, Harrison because he was a tired, snot-nosed, coughing, needy, oh and by the way TEETHING hunk of sick and I because I was running on very little sleep and at the end of my rope. I even emailed my mom in the beginning of the day, which I rarely do because I know she's busy at work, to vent a little and illicit maybe a little piece of advice to keep me going.

Then, in the afternoon, my husband and I took Grace to the pediatric dentist for her first piece of orthodontic work. I know, she's young, but Grace has a severe underbite and her dentist recommended that we start fixing that before her adult teeth arrive so we don't have to worry about manuevering around them and possibly the need for surgery. We've been prepping Grace for this event for weeks. My husband had a very similar procedure done when he was a child, so he took off work just to be at the appointment for her, to coach her through it. So, Grace had a large metal appliance--that sits at the top of her mouth--cemented to two of her top teeth. In a few weeks, we will return to the dentist and they will adjust it so her top jaw continues to expand. Then, a few weeks after that, we will go back and they will fit Grace with headgear that she will need to wear every night for a year or more.

Grace seemed fine with this whole ordeal until supper last night. I prepared her favorite meal --a cheese quesadilla--and she was super excited. But after her first bite, she realized that this stupid piece of metal in her mouth would make eating (and talking and swallowing) a challenge, and after she got a piece of tortilla lodged under her appliance, she started to cry. And oh, (the tears are welling up right now for me) how I felt so, so bad for her. It's hard enough being a five-year-old girl without having to deal with your eating habits and your speech changing. I asked Grace what she wanted to eat, and she whimpered, "Something soft!!" So, I ran to the store, crying the whole way, to pick up some tomato soup and chocolate ice cream so that the poor kid wouldn't starve. Grace managed to choke that food down, and I made sure we had enough soft stuff around to carry her through until she gets used to this.

After the kids were both in bed last night, I sat down on the couch, feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I wanted to have a glass of wine and maybe a good cry. And then I remembered a story that my mom once told me. It made me feel better almost instantly, although I'm sure that wasn't my mom's intent when she told it to me.

My younger sister, Jennifer, and I are almost three years apart. One day, when I was potty training and my sister was newly mobile, Jenn was peetering around and she encountered my little potty chair sitting on our bathroom floor. I had just used the potty chair and my mom hadn't had a chance to clean it out yet, and Jenn, being a curious little one, decided to do what babies do and scoop up some of the yuck from the potty chair and put it right in her mouth. And this is where I gag just thinking about it, and then I laugh out loud because if you knew my sister now, she's so not a poop eater.

The point is that all moms, even my mom, who I consider to be choice among moms, have a crappy day (pardon the pun) every now and then. Yesterday sucked big time, but there is hope today. Harrison is currently fast asleep and I am comforted by his little sleep noises. Grace was able to get through her breakfast of oatmeal and applesauce this morning with only a little bit of trouble. Things are looking up.

11 Months

2010-01-25T12:56:00.002-06:00

My baby boy is 11 months old today, and to celebrate, I took some short videos at lunchtime today. Enjoy!

He's waving hi at the end of the second video. Does it GET any cuter???

Grace doesn't have school today, and honestly, I find that days when Grace is home are far, far easier and more fun than days when she's at school. Harrison loves, loves, LOVES to play with his big sister, and it's moments like this when I am infinitely thankful that I have two kids.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck, You Pissed Me Off. Again.

2010-01-20T13:19:00.004-06:00

I was watching "The View" this morning as I was tooling around the house, chasing after Harrison and making sure he kept all foreign objects out of his mouth, and naturally the ladies on "The View" were talking about yesterday's Senatorial vote yesterday in Massachusetts. (In case you don't know, our candidate lost.) The discussion that the ladies were having was centered at first on how handsome the winner of the election, Scott Brown, is (I don't see it, but whatever), but then the topic shifted and the ladies discussed other issues dealing with this vote. Yes, this is a big deal and it changes the whole health care debate's landscape. We all agree on that. What angered me to the point of stomping my foot like a petulant child was how Elisabeth Hasselbeck kept proclaiming things like, "The people are outraged and they have spoken!" and "We're tired of Obamacare being shoved down our throats!" and "We won't stand for deals being made behind closed doors!"

Um, what?

First off, this is not the first time the people have spoken. In fact, if you recall, they also spoke out about a year ago and we kicked YOUR people out of office. Don't act like this was a huge new revolution. And as far as things being shoved down our throats, I seem to remember our country being mired in not one but TWO wars, one of which shouldn't have been started at all. Who shoved that down our throats? Oh yeah, it was YOUR guy. Also, I'm pretty sure the Republicans under Bush and Karl Rove wrote the book on making deals behind closed doors. I remember reading an article by Rolling Stone reporter Matt Taibbi a couple of years ago that discussed how Republicans in Congress under Bush would change committee meeting sites at the last minute and not tell their Democratic counterparts so the Democrats wouldn't be able to show up.

I'm not saying that any of this is fair or right. What I am saying is that the selective amnesia of some people just friggin' ASTOUNDS me. Don't sit up on your high horse and prattle on about revolt and being outraged, because I'm still pissed off about the entire eight years Bush was in office.

Also, this whole election makes me sad, because it's going to set health care reform back. We need health care reform, people, and I believe that reform needs to include a public option. What kind of country is this where a lot of our citizens don't care that there are kids who don't have health insurance? For God's sake, you can keep your fabulous insurance if you're fortunate enough to have it, but let's step up and make sure that those can't get insurance are able to. It just confounds me that anyone could think that's a bad idea.

A while back, one of the other members of my church was speaking at a church service and said something like, "People call us Liberals, but I say we are just doing the right thing." Amen, brother. That sentiment stuck with me.

Anyway, after Elisabeth finished with her little tirade, I had to shut the TV off. Wouldn't want to throw the remote, now would I?

I Suck At This

2010-01-06T13:26:00.004-06:00

So yeah...I started my other blog, One of Each, right before Christmas and since then I have posted on this blog one stinking time. And that post was about my other new blog, so that shouldn't even count. I suck at this multiple-blog thing. It seems that each time I come up with some brilliant idea for a new post, my immediate reaction is to write that post for my other blog. Maybe that will change as the novelty of my other blog wears off a bit, but until then, please excuse the erratic and infrequent posting here. I'll work it out. I also started babysitting three days a week, so a big chunk of my time is consumed with feedings, cleaning up poop and spit up, and all that. And you think your life is glamorous?

Anyhoo, since we're only five days into the new year, I thought it might be interesting to think of some resolutions for the year. Except this year I'm not making resolutions dealing with things I want to do. I'm going bizarro. I'm resolving to NOT do things. Such as...

I resolve to not regret buying that pair of size 6 jeans.

I resolve to not take full advantage of the open bar at Aaron's work winter formal and thus make a complete ass of myself. Again.

I resolve to not cut my hair this short again.

I resolve to not save working out until the end of the day, when I'm pooped out and have already had my nightly glass of wine.

I resolve to not back into the house with the new vehicle. Again.

I resolve to not let myself be shy and to not miss out on fun stuff because I feel like The Weird Girl.

I resolve to not wake up more than once a night. (Yeah, good luck with that one...)

I resolve to not go snowboarding.

I resolve to not obsess too much about the orderliness (Is that a word? It is now.) of my house, because when you have two kids, let's face it, it's always a mess.

I resolve to not let a day go by without letting my family know how much I love them.

And...........

I resolve to not neglect this blog.

Happy belated 2010 everyone!

Exciting!! UPDATED

2009-12-22T10:16:00.005-06:00

I have a bit of news to report! I have begun blogging for milwaukeemoms.com, which is an online resource and a networking community for Milwaukee parents who have kids from ages 0-6, and I am very excited about this new opportunity. My new blog, One of Each, will contain stories about my many adventures in parenting, but I am also planning some entries on living as a vegetarian and possibly on what I have learned while managing a single-income household. (Ah, my financial wisdom--my mother can hardly believe her eyes.)

Please visit and read my new blog often...it can be found here:

http://www.milwaukeemoms.com/blogs/kitchentable/one_of_each.html

And, if you feel so inclined, please feel free to comment on any of my blog posts...you need to register with the site in order to comment, but registration is easy and free!! Also, feel free to browse the entire site, especially if you're in the Milwaukee area. There are tons of great things to be found!

Don't worry...I won't stop posting here. I need a place to blog about bodily fluids and post endless pics of my kids.

Pics That DIDN'T Make Our Christmas Card

2009-12-16T10:12:00.008-06:00

Oh, you have NO idea how much work it took to get that perfect Christmas picture.

We Need a Gate Around Our Christmas Tree

2009-12-14T08:23:00.000-06:00

Check it out:

Harrison has been "sorta crawling" for quite a while now--he would crawl a few paces then roll back onto his bottom--but over the past few weeks he has really started to take off. He really took notice of our Christmas tree yesterday, and ever since, it has been a struggle to keep him away from it. I've decided to relax, put the unbreakable ornaments at the bottom of the tree, and let him explore a little.

Yesterday

2009-12-10T10:18:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was one of those days when I had to dig really, really deep to find the patience I needed to deal with...well...everything.

Ever have one of those days? I have to work hard to be patient on a regular day...I'm not a patient person at all, and yesterday was particularly challenging for me for some reason.

After I put Grace to bed last night, I thought to myself, "It must be hard being my daughter sometimes." Because as much as I tried to be patient with her yesterday, I just couldn't do it. I told her to hurry up when she was putting on her new boots in the morning. I huffed and sighed as she took her sweet time putting her jacket on when I picked her up at school. And when she wanted to take a nice, long shower after swimming lessons, I shut the water off after she had rinsed and told her to just get dried off and dressed already. When we got home from swimming, before I put Grace to bed, she asked me, "Mama, why are you so mad today?"

Ugh. Why indeed?

Some days I think it's probably hard to be my anything...my spouse, my child, my parent, my friend. I'll just have to try harder to do better today.

9 Months

2009-12-02T08:52:00.004-06:00

Check out the cute:

You can see his wispy blonde hair in the sun and his two little bottom teeth. I keep thinking he can't get any cuter, but he does.

Giving Thanks

2009-11-24T19:38:00.003-06:00

I have written a Thanksgiving post every year for the past few years, and this year won't be an exception. I know that Turkey Day (or, if you're a PETA person, Tofurkey Day) is still two days away, but since I will be hitting the road tomorrow for the weekend, you're getting your annual Thanksgiving post a bit early this year.

I am thankful for...

The newest member of my little family, Harrison. You entered my life 9 months ago tomorrow and I can't even imagine life without you. Before you were born, I worried so much about having enough love in my heart for my second child. After all, I love Grace so much, with all my heart...how would I ever be able to muster that much love for another child? But then you came, and all of my fears were instantly erased. You changed my heart. You made it grow. And you taught me that a mommy's love knows no bounds. Thank you.

My first baby, Grace. There is just no possible way to articulate how much you have changed in the past year. You went from only child to big sister. You know how to read. You go to bed on your own, after a story and a hug and kiss. You understand things. You're growing up right in front of my eyes. You are silly and fun. Laughing with you is one of my favorite things to do in the whole world. You're so caring, so loving, so full of life. So amazing. Thank you for being you.

My love, Aaron. I watched you become a daddy this year. This is my first time going through life with a baby with you, and wow. I am so proud of you. When I tell you that any kid would be lucky to have you for a dad, I mean it. You give 100% to your kids, and when they require more than that, you give it to them. You love them with all your heart. And when you walk through the door each evening, their faces light up to see you. They can't wait to spend time with you. And, you make being a mom so much easier for me, because you are truly my partner--you accept your fair share of the hard work, the struggles, and because of that, you also see the triumphs. I love you. So, so proud of the father that you are. Thank you.

My parents and my sister--my support system. When I say, "I couldn't have done it without you," this year, I mean it. Like, I COULD NOT have done this whole "having a second baby" thing without you guys. You guys stepped in and helped out with Grace when I had my super-surprise induction, taking off work and creating chaos in your lives for several days, without hesitation. And the thing is, I know you guys think it's no big deal...it's what family does. But, it's not what EVERY family does, and that's what is so awesome about you guys. I can't tell you how much what you did, and all you continue to do, means to me. So, thank you.

*sniff*

And now, some less gooshy things I am thankful for this year:

-Mexican hot chocolate
-Alterra coffee
-Really good vegetarian recipes
-Beans--black, pinto, kidney, and otherwise

(Why are these all food-related?)

-The "Twilight" saga...I'm an addict
-Daytime TV
-Our new vehicle, the Mazda 5, especially the sliding doors
-My church and my new church family
-My Daisy Scouts and my co-leader, Tracey
-Zip-up baby sleepers
-My new hat...my head looks fabulous even on 4 hours of sleep!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Nerds and Vampires, A Conversation

2009-11-23T20:37:00.005-06:00

Tonight, while watching "Big Bang Theory":

Me, to Aaron: You're my Leonard.

Aaron walks away dejectedly. I presume he didn't appreciate the fact that I implied he was nerdy, but he *claims* he was only going to the kitchen for salsa.

Me: Well, you're my Edward (as in Edward Cullen, the vampire in "Twilight") too!

Aaron: I'm a twinkly vampire?

Me: No, I mean that I can't live without you. Duh.

Aaron: Well, you're my hemoglobin. *snickers* I can't live without you, either. *more snickers*

Me, whispering to myself so Aaron can't hear: See, you are a nerd.

Not My Kid?

2009-11-12T15:49:00.002-06:00

Today, Grace's Q1 report card came home, and in looking at it, I am wondering whose kid Grace REALLY is...

Socially, Grace is doing really well in school. She has lots of friends, she participates in class discussions, and she (mostly) behaves. She shows care and concern for others. She is kind and she shares. She is respectful and follows the rules. That doesn't surprise me.

What does surprise me a bit...a lot, actually...is how Grace is doing academically.

As a child, and even into middle school, high school, and college, I was always above grade level in Reading and Writing. I read at the fourth grade level in Kindergarten, and I was always in the special, gifted groups for classes like Reading, Spelling, and Language Arts. However, Math and Science were the bane of my existence. The only class I ever came close to getting a D in was Chemistry. I struggled with each and every math class that I have ever had to take, and I was so very thankful that my major in college didn't require me to take any math classes.

Grace does well in Reading and Writing. She is right about where she should be in those subjects as a Kindergartner. However, the "X's" she received as satisfactory marks in Reading and Writing faded into resounding "+'s" that she earned this quarter in Math and Science--she exceeds grade level targets in these two areas. In fact, her teacher noted that Grace's areas of strength are likely to be...you guessed it...Math and Science. As I took this all in, I stood, looking at her report card, mouth agape, wondering where this talent came from.

Oh, and the other area she is doing really well in? Physical Education. Um, what? I was the kid who always got picked last for games in Gym class and who actually peed in her pants once while playing kickball. Yep. I was so nervous that someone was going to kick the ball to me.

One indicator Grace is actually my kid, though...As we were driving to get ice cream this past weekend, she told me that I made her heart turn upside down because, even though she was happy I was taking her to get ice cream, I wouldn't let her to go the ice cream place she REALLY wanted to go to. And also because I managed to lose her new favorite barrette. Yes, she is premenstrual early, just like I was.

Growing Up

2009-11-11T09:37:00.002-06:00

The H-man is crawling. This morning as Grace was eating her breakfast and I was hurrying to apply a layer of makeup before walking Grace to school, Harrison was sitting on the floor next to me, playing with some blocks. He pushed himself over onto his hands and knees, as he often does, but instead of just plopping onto his tummy or crawling backwards, he crawled about two paces forward. And suddenly Grace and I were on the floor, cheering, "Go buddy!" and "C'mon! You can do it!!"

Who is this baby and how is it possible that he is crawling already? How can it be that he already has two little teeth peeking out from his gums? Wasn't he just a teeny newborn? And now he is less than four months away from his first birthday...he won't be a baby for too much longer.

I love this stage of babyhood and I know it will pass too quickly. I am excited to watch Harrison grow up, but I find myself wishing time would slow down, just a little bit.

Of Prayers and Vaccines

2009-11-06T10:09:00.004-06:00

First off, many prayers and thoughts for the folks down at Ft. Hood. I lived about a mile from Ft. Hood's gates back in 2001 and 2002 (in my previous life, when I was an Army wife), so when I heard the news of this tragedy yesterday, I felt especially sad. I remember how difficult it was to live the Army life, and I just can't imagine how much more stress this is adding to the soldiers and their families. Many, many prayers for all...

So, I managed to get H1N1 vaccines for both the kiddos, and it took some work. I have been calling our pediatrician's office every week since September 1st looking for the seasonal flu shot (which the kids still haven't gotten), and I started to ask for the H1N1 vaccine around that time as well. Each time I called, I was given the run-around..."call next week", "we don't know when they're coming", yadda, yadda, yadda...and it was really starting to piss me off. When I called last week I was told, "We don't know when we will have them, and by the way, we may NEVER have them. So if you can find the vaccines out in the community, go for it." I was in a particularly bad mood that day, so I decided to pursue things a bit further. I called the Clinic Administrator. I told her I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know how I could protect my children, and most of all, I wanted to know why in the HELL Target and Walgreens were able to purchase seasonal flu vaccines (and by the way, they are only vaccinating people who are 18 or older), but doctors' offices couldn't obtain them.

To my surprise, the Clinic Administrator was very pleasant and helpful. She informed me that more vaccine would be coming at the end of November and that she would put the kids' names on a waiting list, so that when they did receive vaccine, we would be called. She also gave me a website (www.pandemic.wisconsin.gov, for those of you in Wisconsin who are interested) that displays all of the public flu clinics in our area, so we could also try to find vaccine out in the community.

That afternoon, our pediatrican (who is also the clinic's Medical Director) also called me. He let me know that he shares my frustration (he has kids and a pregnant wife) and reiterated that since our family is high risk--with an 8-month-old and a 5-year-old who is in elementary school and spends her days with other germy kids--our kids would be put on a waiting list and we would be called as soon as vaccine became available. And I felt a little stupid for a minute, getting all of this attention, but then I remembered that I am a mom, and if anyone is going to fight for what is right for my kids, it's gonna be me.

There is a lesson to be learned here...it pays to complain. It pays to pick up the phone and make a couple of calls, because earlier this week, our pediatrician called and said he had received limited amount of the nasal H1N1 vaccine and that he would save one for Gracie.

Unfortunately, our clinic did not receive the injectable H1N1 vaccine, so Harrison was not able to be vaccinated that day. However, the city of Milwaukee held a clinic yesterday for the high risk groups, so I bundled Harrison up, stood in line with him for two hours, and got him vaccinated. And, because I thought to ask, Harrison got the thimerosal-free version of the vaccine. Ask, if you're concerned about that sort of thing, because it's available.

We get to do this all over again in four weeks...both kids need booster shots. And, as I said, neither of them has received the seasonal flu shot yet. I will keep calling.

Autumn

2009-10-27T12:45:00.006-05:00

I love Autumn...sweatshirt weather is my favorite (and not just because sweatshirts cover up my muffin top) and with two kiddos around, it seems that Fall is more fun than ever. Check out these pics from our recent trip to Apple Holler:

Fear

2009-10-22T12:00:00.003-05:00

I have aviophobia. I am extremely afraid of flying...so much so that I have talked my way out of flying on a couple of instances and if I do end up having to fly, I am physically sick for weeks before the flight.

For quite some time, Aaron and I had been talking about taking a trip back to Disney World, just the two of us, to celebrate our anniversary. (Grace of the future...I am sorry we didn't tell you where we were going, but you understand...you would have flipped your shizzy. Plus I'm sure you had a blast with Grandma and Grandpa anyway.) We decided that since MPS kids have off the last Thursday and Friday of October for Teacher's Convention, that would be a good time for us to take our trip--we wouldn't have to yank Grace out of school at all. So, we booked our flight and our hotel, and I made an effort to forget about the whole thing for a while.

A couple of weeks ago, though, the panic started to set in. I started checking the "fear of flying" forums online. I spent an unwarranted amount of time researching safety stats for the aircraft we will be flying in. I began having thoughts of impending doom. I started to feel convinced that I would never have the chance to see my children grow up. My palms would sweat when I would even think of getting on a plane. I even thought about trying to convince Aaron that we should extend our trip by a couple of days so we could drive or take the train (I never broached the subject with him, though, because I don't think it would have been well-received.)

Yeah. This is a problem for me.

I am generally a fearful person. I remember as a child I would lay still in my bed to listen for sounds of intruders in the middle of the night. I would creep around the kitchen at night while my parents watched television in the living room, looking for signs that someone was trying to break into our house. I had to go home from Girl Scout camp several days early because I was terrified of the whole thing. And as an adult, I'm still fearful of many things. I have a hard time getting on the El in Chicago because I know there's a chance that the train will go underground, and that terrifies me. When someone I love gets sick, I lose sleep worrying and thinking that they might die. I think the same thing when I get sick. And on days like today when Grace goes on a school field trip, I worry that she will be in a bus accident or that she will get separated from her group and will be lost.

I don't like feeling like this, and I really wish I didn't.

For this upcoming trip, I decided that I would bite the bullet and ask for pharmaceutical help. I went to the doctor on Monday and he prescribed some Ativan (he considered Xanax first but then decided that Xanax wears off too quickly...love that man). Funny thing...once I had those pills in my hand, my fear of flying started to fade ever so slightly...could I be afraid of the fear I know I will feel?

I did a trial run with the Ativan last evening, just to make sure it would work out ok for our flight next week, and it did its job. Mostly I just felt mellow, my limbs felt a little heavier, and I was a little tired. I tried to make myself afraid by thinking about flying, and I couldn't force myself to get too worked up about it. We'll see what happens when I'm actually confronted with the thing I fear...

Dispatch From the Infirmary

2009-10-13T09:12:00.002-05:00

So, where were we? Last week Grace was home sick on Friday, and even though she was showing signs of feeling better late Friday morning, I still took her in to the doctor Friday afternoon. Good thing I did...she had strep throat...again. Luckily, this bout of strep was much less severe than the last time she had it, but this time, just for fun, she had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics that she had to take. Since Grace is allergic to virtually every other antibiotic known to man, the doctor on call that I had paged on Sunday afternoon (after Grace's new rash flared up) decided to place her on one final antibiotic that might work. Here is the conversation that I had with the pharmacy tech at Walgreen's when I went to pick up the new antibiotic:

Pharm Tech: So, does your daughter like to take prescription medication?

Me: Um, no.

Pharm Tech: Because she's gonna HATE this one.

Me: *blank stare*

Pharm Tech: It is the worst tasting medicine ever.

It would appear as though this is true. The first time Grace took this new medicine, she cried because it tasted so bad. And she has to take it three times a day for the next five days. Humph.

At least Grace is on the mend. As you all know from my constant bitching not only here but also on Facebook and Twitter, Harrison has been sick for a month now, since the day after he started day care. He had a cold, then he was a little better. He had a cough, and then it went away for a day or two. Then, he caught the flu, got swabbed for H1N1 (which was negative, thank goodness), and then got a teeny bit better. Then, this past weekend, he got sicker than I have ever seen him. His nose was so congested he could barely breathe. His cough was worse and more painful-sounding than ever. He would wake up at night just howling because he was so miserable. And, yesterday morning when we woke up his right eye was crusted shut and the skin underneath was purple and swollen. Awesome.

So, back to the doctor we went...and Harrison has not only a severe case of pink eye, but the infection from the pink eye somehow made it into his skin surrounding his eye (perhaps from a small crack in the skin) and he has a case of cellulitis in the tissue around his eye. In case you don't know, cellulitis is a skin infection, and if it's not treated, the infection can spread to the bloodstream and can be life-threatening. Needless to say, the boy is on a high dose of strong antibiotics...which cause terrible diarrhea, so that's fun.

The only bright side to all of this is that Grace is already on antibiotics, so the chance of her catching pink eye from Harrison is very small.

We might be overreacting, but we decided to yank H out of day care. I'm staying home and he can deal with other kids' germs when he's bigger. And we're gonna try like hell to make sure Grace stays healthy and washes her hands very frequently so we can minimize the germs she brings home from school.

For those of you that know me well, you know that I have been having a tough time with this. I tend to imagine the worst when my kids are sick, so when the doctor told me yesterday that my baby has a serious infection, it wasn't pretty. I managed to hold myself together until last evening, after I had put H down for a pre-supper nap and after I got Grace busy playing with paper dolls in the living room. I was preparing dinner and I was suddenly seized with an overwhelming sense of panic and guilt, and all I could do was sit on the back steps and cry. Yeah, it's been a long month.

And Gracie Makes Four

2009-10-09T07:38:00.002-05:00

That's four of us that have been sick in the past couple of weeks. For those of you keeping score, that means all four inhabitants of our house have been sick...Grace just got sick yesterday and Aaron and Harrison are still showing signs of illness. Me? I had the sinus headache of the century for like two days and then I was better. Why? Because I am a mom and as such I am not allowed to be sick for more than 48 hours. My body just knows that.

Anyhoo, since I am home from work again with a sick kiddo and that red-cheeked, glassy-eyed kiddo is contentedly lounging on the couch watching Sesame Street, I thought I would take a moment to sip some coffee, plan my cleaning strategy for the day (must wash sheets! must scrub floors!!), and catch all of you up on the non-illness-related happenings...

Harrison turned 7 months a couple of weeks ago and he is growing by leaps and bounds. When I took him to the doctor earlier this week to be checked out when he was sick, he weighed in at 19 pounds, 14 ounces. Holy crap. The boy likes to eat, and let's face it, his parents are no lightweights, so this shouldn't be a surprise, really. He is enjoying all sorts of new foods, his favorites of which are turkey and sweet potatoes, and as soon as those two bottom teeth pop through (which from the looks of it could be any moment now), we'll introduce him to some more tasty stuff.

One of my favorite things about this age is watching H discover things. Babies at this age are so animated and it is so fun just watching H watch bubbles floating in the air or steam rising from a cup of coffee or leaves blowing in the wind. He reminds me that the world is full of simple, wonderful treasures.

H is also sitting up on his own now, which makes play time much more fun for both him and whomever is playing with him. He's *this close* to crawling...in fact, he can hoist himself up onto his legs and crawl backwards for a bit, so I have a feeling he'll be mobile soon enough. (Mental note: baby proof house.) Harrison's favorite thing to do, though, is to jump. He loves his Jumparoo and when he's standing on someone's lap, he'll just smile and start bouncing up and down, indicating that he wants to jump. And when you let him jump on your lap, he rewards you by squealing and laughing in delight.

H is quite possibly the most laid-back baby I have ever met, too. He cries when he's hungry, and that's about it. He's incredibly smiley, saving his sweetest and most sincere smiles and giggles for his big sister. And, his transition from being home with me full-time to going to day care every day was ridiculously easy. The kid just goes with the flow.

Gracie, when she's healthy, is also doing very well. She is in love with kindergarten, so much so that she protested this morning when I told her she would need to stay home today and rest. Whereas last year she was hesitant when it came to school work (reading especially), this year she approaches learning with gusto. Her reading is improving every day (I'd like to think that's partly due to reading a chapter of Junie B. Jones with me each night at bedtime) and she loves to write down the new words that she's learning. And, every now and then, she'll come out with a new math problem that she has solved--yesterday afternoon on the way home from school, as sick as she was, Grace said, "Mama, two plus two plus two is six. And three plus three is six. Isn't that cool?"

And those of you who haven't seen Grace since she was a shy, tentative little kid wouldn't even recognize her now. Because she will run up to you, ask you your name, and tell you not only her first name but her middle name as well. We go to McDonald's every Wednesday for supper before swimming lessons, and it never ceases to amaze me how she seems to make at least one or two new friends each time she plays in the McDonald's Playland. She's no longer the kid hanging back on Mom's lap watching the other kids play--she's the kid organizing the games. She has emerged from her shell and she wants to play.

My mom was right when she told me that the early school-age years are the best years. These really are Grace's best times, so far anyway. She's old enough now that she can and wants to do lots of things for herself, but she's still young enough that she needs me. She can express herself and her wants, but she still likes to snuggle in my lap when she's sad. I have the best of both worlds right now and I'm going to enjoy these years.

Oh, and Aaron and I are both doing fine.

So Yeah...

2009-10-04T16:02:00.002-05:00

I went back to work on September 17th, and H has been sick since September 18th. Ugh. Cough, cold, diarrhea, sleepless nights...ugh.

I have been known to tell moms who have been distraught about having sick babies that they should look on their bright side because their kiddos are "building up their immunity" for when they go to kindergarten. If I could go back to each moment I said that to someone, I would punch myself in the face and tell myself to shut the hell up. Because it sucks, plain and simple.

This is pretty much how my mood has been since I went back to work. Makes you glad you don't live with me, huh?

Milestone

2009-09-20T15:58:00.003-05:00

She lost her first tooth. It's all downhill from here, you know. Next thing I know, she'll be 18 years old and wearing a "F*ck 'em Bucky" shirt at a Badger football game. *sigh*

What I've Been Up To Lately

2009-09-09T13:00:00.003-05:00

So yeah, postings here on the blog have been scant. Turns out that having two kids is waaaaaaaay more work than having one...who knew?!? In case you were losing sleep from wondering about what it is that I do with my days, here you go. You can rest now.

-Searching for a job and going on LOTS of interviews. One of the terms of unemployment insurance is that I contact at least two prospective employers per week, and I have been living up to my end of the bargain and then some. Nothing overly promising at this point, but I am optimistic that the right thing for my family and for me will materialize. I am fortunate that I can take my time and be selective. Also, I am happy to report one positive that has come out of all of this interviewing: I discovered that I still fit in to my pre-pregnancy professional work wear. I may even need to buy some smaller dress pants!! Huzzah!

-Giving up the meat. My part-time vegan diet didn't work out well for me because, being the Wisconsin girl that I am, I found it impossible to shun dairy products for two-thirds of the day. I need my chai tea with real cow's milk every morning (face it, soy milk sucks) and I need to have cheese on my salad for lunch. BUT, I have discovered that meat is not a necessity to me. In fact, I rarely ate red meat anyway and I have never liked fish. I haven't had a bite of meat for a week now and I can honestly say that I don't miss it one bit. I've been experimenting with some new vegetarian dishes and one that I made--eggplant parmigiana--even got rave reviews at supper last night from the Queen Picky Eater herself, Gracie.

-Sleeping!! I refuse to say more because history has proven the blog effect to be VERY REAL INDEED, so I will simply say that I am well-rested for the first time in almost seven months.

-Enjoying my days with Harrison. Now that Gracie is in school, I have the opportunity for lots and lots of one-on-one time with the boy. Yes, I miss Grace and when 2:15pm comes I can't wait to pick her up from school, but at the same time, it's really nice to have some time during which I can focus all my attention on Harrison.

-Making baby food. We've been getting lots and lots of baby-friendly veggies from our CSA so I started whipping up some batches of homemade baby food for Harrison. It totally helps that he loves to eat so much--it's nice that my efforts are appreciated.

-Loving life. Need I say more?

Grace's First Day of K5 in Pictures

2009-09-01T13:05:00.008-05:00

How excited was Grace for her first day back at school today? SO excited...in fact, it was infectious. I didn't even cry. And as much as I fretted and worried about it, we got the kids dressed, fed, and out the door on time, and there were no tears and no hassles. Whew. Here are some pics from this morning:
And I'm throwing in another picture from this past weekend's trip to the zoo, just because it cracks me up.

The Dumps

2009-08-31T21:18:00.002-05:00

I'm gonna preface this by stating that I just returned home from a dentist appointment during which the dentist was finishing up a root canal that has taken four--FOUR--separate appointments, so I'm in a fair amount of pain and I am feeling a bit salty at the moment.

Grace starts school tomorrow. Have you seen these commercials on TV (I think they're for Staples) where the dad takes his kids back to school shopping and he's skippping around the store, gleefully tossing pads of post-it notes and other supplies into his cart while the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" plays in the background? Well, I am the opposite of that dad. In fact, tonight as I was putting Grace to bed, I whispered to her, "Thank you for spending such a wonderful summer with me," and then I broke down in sobs. SOBS. I have tears in my eyes now just thinking about it...although the feeling that a dull nail is piercing me in the jaw might have something to do with the tears.

Here's the thing. It probably wasn't a particularly memorable summer for Grace. Don't get me wrong--we did lots of fun stuff. We went to the park almost everyday. We went to a whole bunch of festivals. We went to the Children's Museum a few times. We walked to the library at least once a week. We went to the zoo at least once a week, and we even camped at the zoo a few weeks ago. We visited family. Grace had many fun playdates. But, will she remember all the fun we had in another year or two? Maybe, maybe not. But this summer will always, always be a special one for me.

Chances are, this was the one and only summer that I will be able to spend at home with my children. I have been actively looking for a job for a few weeks now--let's face it, not many families I know can live comfortably on one income--so the writing's on the wall. I'm headed back to work, and as much as I want to drag my feet and hem and haw about it, it's gonna happen sooner or later. Another summer like this one is probably not in the cards for us. And that is just heartbreaking for me.

Here come the tears again...I should be thankful, and I really, really am, that I had this opportunity. But it's hard.

I'm trying really, really hard to at least match Grace's excitement for the first day of school. And tomorrow when I drop her off, I will be all smiles and excitement...for her. And, maybe a little for me, too. But, when I turn around to walk home, I know that things just won't be quite the same without her home with me.

Harrison--Half Way to One

2009-08-27T09:28:00.007-05:00

If you don't think he's the cutest baby boy ever, well, I just don't know about you. (Unless of course you have a baby boy of your own. In that case, you're exempt.)

The earth has made half of its yearly trip around the sun since the day my little man was born, and all that I can say is, "Wow." I say that for two reasons: 1) Where did that time go? and 2) Holy crap the boy has grown. Here are the latest stats:

Weight: 18 pounds, 11 ounces--72nd percentile
Height: 27 inches--85th percentile
Head Circumference: 47 centimeters--OFF THE CHARTS

So the boy has a big head. I could have told you that six months ago.

Harrison is adding a whole bunch of new skills to his repertoire as well. He's sitting up on his own for longer periods of time. He's *this close* to crawling. He rolls over from tummy to back and he's able to get almost all the way over from back to tummy. He's much more vocal than he's ever been, responding with laughter and smiles and coos and little spitty noises whenever someone chats with him. He LOVES to play with anyone who wants to, especially his big sister, for whom he saves his sweetest and biggest smiles. And although he hasn't cut any teeth yet, he's got at least two in the front that are visible from under the gums and are threatening to poke through any day now.

Harrison has been eating solids for a little over a month now, and we just increased his solid food feedings to three a day. So far, he has had rice cereal, all of the yellow and orange veggies, and peas--squash is his favorite so far, and peas are decidedly NOT on his top three list. We're looking forward to incorporating some fruits and maybe some other fun stuff within the next few weeks.

As far as sleep goes...well, it's okay for now. He went through a particularly difficult period recently where he was waking up several times a night to fuss. The past few nights have been all right, so here's to hoping he's getting back on his schedule of sleeping from 10pm to 5am or so. And I prolly just jinxed myself by typing that.

Happy half birthday little dude!!

I AM Blessed

2009-08-24T20:24:00.003-05:00

So, we've been having a bit of a rough go of it lately. Our little boy has reverted back to at least three to four night wakings per night, and Grace has been having some serious sleep issues of her own. The lack of sleep that has been mounting for the past six months or so has caught up with me (and, I think, with Aaron too) and as a result, I have been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately. In fact, yesterday I felt so exhausted that I was physically sick. I once heard someone say that parenting a young baby is similar to going through boot camp...this weekend, I definitely felt like that was the absolute truth.

Tonight, as I was driving alone around our neighborhood, I had a chance to take a deep breath for the first time in quite a while, and I took a moment to gain some perspective on things. Yes, right now things are tough for us. The kids keep us up all night, but the time will come when they won't want to be around us so much anymore, and I'm sure we'll long for those middle-of-the-night snuggles. Is feeding or rocking Harrison by the light of the moon in the dead of night really such a bad thing? Is it terrible that Grace wants to spend a few extra minutes alone with me at bed time? On both counts, the answer is a resounding, "No."

These kids have brought so much love and happiness into our lives. I can suck it up for a while longer, drink truckloads of caffeine, and deal with this.

Proof Our Messages Are Sinking In

2009-08-20T11:32:00.002-05:00

This morning, as Grace and I stood at the window and watched the pouring rain...

Me: Wow, look at all that rain! Look, our rain barrel is overflowing!

Grace: It's overflowing? All that water is coming out!!!!

Me: Yep, but that's ok.

Grace: *gasp* But all that water is being WASTED! IT'S BEING WASTED!!!!!!! MAMA!!! THE CLOUDS ARE WASTING THE WATER!!!!!!!!!

Lollapalooza: My Two Cents

2009-08-10T13:30:00.003-05:00

Aaron and I attended two of the three days of Lollapalooza in Chicago this weekend, and apart from the crazy weather (downpours on Friday, heat and humidity on Saturday), it was a great weekend. Oddly enough though (or maybe not), the best parts of the weekend came from spending some time with friends who we don't get to see as often as we'd like to and enjoying some much-needed couple time. The music was secondary to me this weekend...to me, the most important part of our trip was hanging out with Aaron.

That said, a couple of observations on Lollapalooza...

The music lineup was very good this year, and as usual, the music portion of the festival was run like a well-oiled machine. Bands (for the most part) started on time, ended on time, and (unlike the last Lollapalooza I attended in '06) the sound at the shows was fantastic. I was pleased to experience a number of very good shows by some very talented acts--highlights were The Decemberists (naturally), Blind Pilot, Ben Folds, Gomez, and Tool.

However...

Lollapalooza hosts over 200,000 music fans, so the organizers should consider adding a few more bathroom pods. One shouldn't have to wait 30 minutes to use a filthy port-a-john. Also, since the festival is in August, a few more water stations would be a good idea. Again, festival goers shouldn't have to wait 30 minutes to fill their water bottles. I realize that the festival caters to the 18-24 year-old crowd (who probably don't mind so much or haven't been to a festival--like Bonnaroo--that has adequate and CLEAN facilities so they don't know that things can be SO much better), but still. Those of us who know better or care did notice.

Also, my beloved Decemberists: I love your new album, "The Hazards of Love" and I'm pretty sure your most devoted fans do, too. However, deciding to play the whole thing through from start to finish without any commentary was probably not the right decision, given the fact you were playing to a festival crowd, and the majority of those in the crowd had not come to see you, but rather they were holding spots near the stage to see Kings of Leon, who were playing after you. Because of this, I had to endure much eye rolling and fake yawning coming from the teenyboppers and others who don't appreciate your music as I do, and this was quite distressing indeed. Just sayin'.

All in all, Lollapalooza was a good time. But, as Aaron said, I prefer my music festivals in a field in Tennessee. Give me Bonnaroo anyday.

Sigh

2009-08-05T15:38:00.003-05:00

Today has been one of those days when I marvel at the fact that my kids are clean, dressed, and have been fed three square meals. And I am really marveling at the fact that all of these things seem to take place everyday...that's something, right?

It's not a particularly bad day by any means. The kids have been well-behaved. We had a nice lunch with Aaron at the zoo, and we just returned from a nice walk to the library, where we picked up some new books for Grace and I to read together at bedtime. We're about to head out the door to grab a quick supper and then we're on to Grace's swimming lessons. By all accounts, today has been a success--no major meltdowns, no vomit, no injuries. I'm wearing the same clothes I put on this morning, so no major spit up incidents. And, Harrison managed to pee on me only once today, and that was only on my leg, so it was easily cleaned up.

So why do I feel SOOOOOOOOO drained? I feel like I've been hit by the proverbial Mack truck, except that truck backed over me a couple of times just to make sure I was down.

I can now say, unequivocally and without reserve, that being a stay-at-home mom is a far more difficult job than any other "cubicle dweller"-type job that I've had or could imagine having. It's physically challenging. It's mentally challenging. It's emotionally challenging. And there is no lunch break. There are no 15-minute solitary walks around the building to clear the mind. Hell, in my house, I rarely get to go poop alone...Grace loves to join me in the bathroom. I guess I am just tired, and I am really in need of some time to myself.

Don't get me wrong--I love my children more than anything. Staying home with them is truly a labor of love for me. But man, even moms who love their kids more than anything and would gladly spend every waking minute with them need a break.

One more day, then Aaron and I head out of town--ALONE--for the weekend. And it couldn't have come at a better time.

Funny How Things Change

2009-08-03T13:14:00.002-05:00

The Meaning of Bliss--

Pre-baby: A romantic night out on the town with the hubs, complete with lots of wine, good food, fabulous conversation, and maybe some great live music. Or, relaxing in the sun with a good book and a cold beer.

Post-baby: Scheduling a play date for Grace during Harrison's nap time and actually having a few moments to myself to check my emails and possibly go to the bathroom.

Unemployed

2009-07-31T20:55:00.002-05:00

Today, I joined the ranks of the millions of other Americans whose jobs have been axed due to the economy...I got laid off.

As you might remember, I decided to take an extended leave of absence after my maternity leave ran out on May 19th. My plan was to take the entire summer off so that I could stay home with Grace and Harrison, and then to return to work in September when Grace starts school again. Harrison would go into day care, and I would return to work full time. That was the plan.

However, plans change. Today I got a call from my employer...my former employer...telling me that volumes are down at work and that I had two options. I could extend my leave indefinitely and technically remain an employee (who doesn't actually work) and then if a position opened up (highly unlikely), I could apply for it. Or, I could just be laid off and be in a status of "eligible for rehire". I went with the second option--at least in a lay off, I can claim unemployment.

I can't say that I am too surprised about all of this. I mean, the economy continues to suck, and my former employer has had to make cuts just like everyone else. And, I am super excited to be an official Stay At Home Mom. I plan to volunteer at Grace's school during the week--something I wouldn't have been able to do while I was working. And, I can rest assured that I will be able to witness all of Harrison's firsts that I might have missed had I been at work. I can't think of a more wonderful or fulfilling undertaking.

However, I can't help but feel a little disappointed about all of this as well. When I was working, I worked my ass off...there was rarely a night when I wasn't checking emails or doing other work long after Grace was asleep. I cared about my job, about my reputation at work, and about my rapport with my client. I cared so much, in fact, that the stress ended up affecting my health and the health of my child during the last few months of my pregnancy. I thought that I was an invaluable employee and that my employer would be so thrilled and relieved to have me back from leave. I thought that all the hard work I put in would somehow matter. I thought that the fact I did care so much would count for something. I thought it would matter that I was sticking it out and working even harder so that I could prove that I was still a valuable employee even though I was eight months pregnant and working from home.

But I'm not special. I'm not exempt. It didn't matter.

Come to think of it, I guess I'd rather spend my days with those who truly need and appreciate me.

Harrison--5 months old

2009-07-27T11:42:00.005-05:00

Advanced Degree in Motherhood

2009-07-19T16:58:00.003-05:00

On Friday, I traveled with my parents and the kiddos to LaCrosse to watch my younger sister receive her Master's degree in Education. I'm so happy for her--she worked hard, she sacrificed a lot, and as I watched her receive her degree on Friday, I couldn't have been prouder of her.

It's funny...I always thought I was going to be the first in my family to earn an advanced degree. After all, I was the first to earn a Bachelor's, and while I was in college, my long-term goal was to earn a Doctorate in Spanish and become a college professor. My plan was to teach for a few years and earn my Master's while I taught, and then when I had saved up some money, I would go back to school and get my PhD. Then I would find a job teaching Spanish at some university somewhere, travel all over the place, write books, and finally retire to a tiny fishing village in Mexico.

But sometimes things don't turn out as planned. Life happens. I tried teaching for two years and ended up not liking it much at all. Instead of starting coursework for my Master's, I decided to go down another path--take the LSAT and apply to law school to study immigration law. I took the LSAT, placed in the top 10% in the nation, and applied and was accepted to the UW Law School. Before I started, though, I decided to become a mom instead. Soon, I had Grace and became a single mother, and I was more focused on earning a living than I was about furthering my education.

There are times when I think about going back to school, and I probably will after Harrison starts kindergarten (to pursue a degree in Nursing), but right now I just can't imagine trying to keep up with all of the housework and the kids and possibly a full-time job while heaping schoolwork on top of it all. My long-term goal is now a distant memory, replaced instead by the reality of raising children and managing a household.

My mom asked me on Friday if I was sad at all that I didn't have my Master's yet. After all, she knows better than anyone that, at one point in my life at least, I couldn't earn it fast enough. But, as I looked at my kids I knew for certain that I wouldn't have things any other way. I am a mom, and I can't imagine doing anything more important than that. I may not have the alphabet soup behind my name, but I have more treasures in my life than I ever imagined I would have. Happiness is my reward.

But I'm still planning to retire to that tiny fishing village in Mexico...

Veggies, Apples, and Roller Skates

2009-07-09T19:34:00.011-05:00

We didn't plant our garden this year. We had the best intentions. Really. We started a ton of seeds indoors and Aaron even mapped out how he wanted everything planted once the threat of frost was gone. But, the seeds we started inside were started a bit too soon and they ended up dying before we could get them in the ground. And, as much as we thought we would just be able to plop Harrison in his car seat and plunk him on the ground while we planted, one of us (or both of us) would inevitably end up on baby duty.

So, this year we decided to try something on a smaller scale, and so far, so good. We decided to plant a salad table in which we would grow some greens and we would get the rest of our veggies from our CSA. Aaron made our salad table from scratch using some lumber, mesh wire, and duct tape, and he even made Gracie her own little salad box so she could plant and care for some veggies of her own.

Our salad table (we planted beets, spinach, lettuce, and radishes):
Grace's salad box (she planted lettuce and peas):

We also received two plants from our CSA this year. The first is a rosemary plant, and the second is our only tomato plant, which (happily) is already sprouting some nice looking tomatoes:
Our nicest gardening surprise of this year came from our apple tree. Last year we decided to purchase and plant an apple tree in our back yard, but because we weren't certain whether or not the tree was self-pollenating, we weren't sure the tree would ever produce apples. But, Aaron noticed something on the tree a couple of weeks ago and called me over to show me...we have apples!!

And, this has nothing to do with gardening, but Grace wanted to me to take a couple of pictures while she was roller skating--her newest undertaking. Literally one second after I snapped the first shot, she took a pretty nasty fall:

4th of July Weekend in Pictures

2009-07-07T19:17:00.009-05:00

We had a fantastic 4th of July weekend--here's a peek!!

Grace jumping around in one of the inflatables at Summerfest (this pic cracks me up--maybe because Grace just barely made it into the frame of the shot):

Harrison at his very first parade, being held by one of his proud grammas:
Aaron and Harrison and part of one of the famous Racing Sausages (only in Milwaukee do people get so excited about grown men dressing up as tubes of processed meat) at the Humboldt Park Neighborhood parade:
Grace marching for the first time with the Tippe Twirlers, her school's baton twirling group:
Harrison, decked out in Daddy's sunglasses and the ubiquitous nookie at the South Shore Farmer's Market:

Gracie, wearing my sunglasses, at South Park in Oshkosh (we were there visiting my parents):

A great weekend, capped off by Aaron and I having a chance to watch four old episodes of "Lost" uninterrupted--always a wonderful thing!

It just struck me that I am not in any of these pics. Someone's gotta be behind the camera, I suppose...

Spoke Too Soon

2009-07-06T21:20:00.002-05:00

From last post:

"And--I'm almost afraid to say it because it's too good to be true and I don't want to jinx it--Harrison is sleeping 6 to 8 hours at a stretch at night. He usually has his last bottle of the evening between 8:00pm and 9:00pm, and then he falls asleep and generally doesn't wake up until 4:00am or 4:30am. We'd love to see him stretch that to 5:30am or 6:00am, but hey, I'm happy with this for a while."

It would appear as though I spoke too soon. For the past week, H has been up at least twice a night, sometimes more. If I'm not mistaken (or perhaps I'm hallucinating from lack of sleep), H has a couple of little tooth buds appearing under the surface of his lower gums, so that would explain this recent, unfortunate turn of events. Or, it could be that the little dude is just plain HUNGRY, despite the fact that he continues to eat more and more each day--another reason to perhaps bring on the solids. Either way, we've come back to the fog.

*sigh*

On a happier note, we had a fab 4th of July weekend, and I will be posting photos soon!!

Harrison: Four Month Checkup

2009-06-26T14:04:00.004-05:00

Can you believe my little dude is four months old already?!? It seems like just yesterday I was staring at my six-pound peanut in the NICU, and now here we are, calling Harrison "the tank" because he's gotten so big! We had his four month checkup today, and here are the latest stats:

Weight: 15 pounds, 2 ounces--56th percentile for his age
Height: 25.5 inches--73rd percentile for his age
Head Circumference: 44.5 centimeters--95th percentile for his age

That last stat is no shock at all--Aaron and I both have huge melons. Heads, I mean, although I have rather large melons of the other sort as well. But that's another story.

So, our little man is growing quite nicely. He's also performing lots of really cool feats! He has started to roll over (from tummy to back--he hasn't rolled the other way yet). He is able to support his head unassisted and he has great control of his head. He is able to sit up with help. He bears all of his weight on his legs when he is standing (supported, of course). He smiles all the time (he's quite possibly one of the smiliest babies I have ever seen), he cackles and giggles, he squeals in delight, he coos and truly interacts with anyone who chats with him--ah, babyhood is truly magical.

He's eating right around 30 ounces of formula everyday and he has stretched his feedings out now from every 2.5 or 3 hours to every 3.5 or 4 hours, which is a welcome change. Our pediatrician wants us to wait until H turns five months before starting him on solids, but I don't know. I started Grace out on rice cereal when she was four months old, and she did a great job. I'll give it a couple of weeks and then we might go ahead and give it a shot.

And--I'm almost afraid to say it because it's too good to be true and I don't want to jinx it--Harrison is sleeping 6 to 8 hours at a stretch at night. He usually has his last bottle of the evening between 8:00pm and 9:00pm, and then he falls asleep and generally doesn't wake up until 4:00am or 4:30am. We'd love to see him stretch that to 5:30am or 6:00am, but hey, I'm happy with this for a while.

(L.W.W.B., you were right--it did happen very quickly. Suddenly, this past Monday night, he slept from 9:00pm until 4:30am for us, and he's been doing it every night since.)

I am truly, truly treasuring every single moment with my little boy, because I know from experience that this wonderful phase will pass far too quickly. I want to kiss those chubby cheeks as much as I can. I want to take in that heavenly baby head smell. I want to nibble on those little toes and ears and that little tummy. I want to hold him in my arms and watch him sleeping.

And the moment you've all been waiting for....the four month picture. Try not to go blind from the cuteness.

Allow Me To Brag For A Moment...

2009-06-24T21:22:00.006-05:00

So I know I should be paying closer attention to this town hall meeting thingy that the Prez is holding regarding health care right now, but yeah, I'm tired and my brain is goop and I'm content to just listen to his voice (it's like BUTTAH) and I thought it would be MORE important to brag about my kid for a bit. I'll catch up on all this health care noise later.

Anyhoo, Grace has been enrolled in swimming class continuously for almost two years now at our local YMCA. We started her out in a parent-child class because she was afraid of the water and we wanted to at least expose her to the idea of swimming--my in-laws live on a lake and my family has a cabin on a lake so we spend lots of time as a family in and around water, especially in the summer time. Grace enjoyed the parent-child class, so we went ahead and enrolled her in a kids-only class, and, much to our delight, she did pretty darn well. Over the past several months, she has become brave enough and confident enough in her skills to swim underwater, excel at both the front and back floats, and swim a pretty decent front stroke and back stroke. She's also learning the side stroke and is starting to get the hang of that as well. She dives underwater, too, with no problems at all.

For this summer session, the Y introduced block scheduling for the swimming classes--you sign your kid up for a time that works for you, and then the teachers give the kids a short swimming test and group them into classes based on their skill level. So, tonight was Grace's first class with this new setup, and there were five other kids, about her age, that had signed up for the same timeslot. The teachers dove in and asked the kids to get into the pool "the safe way" (which basically means that the kids sit on the edge of the pool, put their hands on the edge on one side, and slowly twist themselves down into the pool). Grace was the only one who knew what to do. Then, the teachers asked the kids to blow bubbles (at this point I'm thinking, "Seriously?!?") and again, Grace was the only one who was able to do that well. The kids were asked to bob completely under the water, and while the other kids were busy touching their noses and foreheads to the surface of the water, Grace was completely submerged.

By this time, the teachers noticed that one of these things was not like the other, so one of the teachers took Grace aside and asked her if she knew how to float. Grace did both a front and a back float, and the teacher was impressed. Then, she asked Grace to do the front, back, and side strokes, and Grace did each with relative ease. The teacher that was working with Grace motioned to the other teacher and the two chatted quietly, and the only thing I was able to get with my ninja sense of hearing was "She's the only one."

Of course, this whole time I'm sitting on the sidelines watching all of this unfold and whispering totally inappropriate and cocky things about the other kids to Aaron ("Ha! They can't do it!" and "Can he float?!? That's a negative!!!") and glowing about how awesome my kid was. I may have a problem. In fact, I usually go and sit in the hot tub while Grace is in swim class, but tonight I couldn't bear to stay in the hot tub because I wanted to watch Gracie strut her stuff.

The teacher that worked with Grace came over to us and explained that her swimming skills were on a much higher level than the other children's and that she would like to move her to a different time slot for the rest of the session so that she could have a class with another little boy who was also ahead of the other kids in his block. Of course we agreed that this would be the best thing for Grace (huzzah!!) and for the rest of the time, the teacher gave Grace some private instruction in the big pool.

I'm so fricking proud of the kid. She used to be TERRIFIED of the water...she wouldn't even go in at one point. Now she's a little fish. She's totally awesome.

This is coming from her mom, who used to fake having her period for three weeks at a time so she wouldn't have to go in the pool for gym class in high school.

Wherein I Realize That I Am The Problem

2009-06-22T12:05:00.003-05:00

My father-in-law has been known to say that as a parent, one makes mistakes daily, and the more experience I get under my belt as a mommy, the more I realize that he is absolutely right. My first mistake of the day (well, my first PARENTING mistake of the day) occurred this morning when I dropped Grace off for her first day of day camp at the YMCA.

Before I tell the story, an admission: I admit to feeling anxious about today. Last night as I was packing Grace's backpack and her lunch for today, I had that same vaguely sick, nervous feeling I would get in the pit of my stomach before I had my own first days of Girl Scout camp, band camp, etc. It's hard (for me, anyway) to go to a place where I don't know anyone and be expected to have a good time right away. I need time to warm up, and, I thought, Grace is the same way. She used to be the same way. She needed to go into new environments slowly, hanging back and observing for a while and clinging to my hand before she dove in. And so, I felt nervous for her, knowing that she would be doing something new with a group of people she didn't know, and honestly, I didn't know that the drop off this morning would go well. I thought there would be tears and clinging and coaxing and the inevitable guilt that comes with leaving your frightened child with a group of people she doesn't know well yet.

God. Writing it down makes it seem like my kid is a wuss. She's not. It's me.

So, on the way to the Y this morning, I spent a lot of time telling Grace that she was going to have SO MUCH FUN at day camp and that she was going to make ALL SORTS OF FRIENDS and how I was SO JEALOUS that she was going to have so much fun. At the time, I thought I was trying to convince Grace that this was a wonderful idea, but now, I realize I was trying to convince myself. And Grace just sat in the back seat, listening to me and giving me the occasional, "Uh huh."

When we arrived at camp, we proceeded to the check-in area, and as soon as she was checked in, Grace acted like she was just going to run off into the playground without me. When I told her to wait up, she rolled her eyes a little bit but conceded, and then I escorted her over to the shed where the kids' backpacks and lunches were being kept for the day. After Grace dropped her stuff off, I asked the camp counselor who was manning the shed if I should walk Grace to the playground. His response was, "Or she can just run over there herself." Hmm. Much to my surprise, Grace begged me to run over to the playground herself, but I told her that I would walk there with her to make sure she was all right. Ugh.

So, I walked her over to an area where some little girls were playing with puzzles and asked her if she wanted to sit down and play. She looked at the playground for a moment as she was deciding what she wanted to do, and then another camp counselor came over and introduced herself to Grace. She asked Grace if she was nervous to be alone without Mommy today, and Grace answered, confidently, "No." The counselor asked Grace if she wanted to play on the playground, and Grace of course said that she wanted to. Then I glanced around the playground and realized that I was the only parent there. And Grace and the counselor both looked at me as if to ask, "So what's the problem?"

Argh. I am the problem.

Sorry, kiddo. Go run and play.

What To Do This Summer?

2009-06-17T11:11:00.003-05:00

Today is Day One of Grace's summer break, and currently Harrison is fast asleep and Gracie is contentedly watching Sesame Street (Neil Patrick Harris as The Shoe Fairy? Divine.) after just finishing up a game of Dominoes (she beat me...again). So far, Grace doesn't seem to be too terribly bored and I haven't had any trouble managing the two kiddos together, but we are only four hours or so into summer break, and I realize that keeping things interesting for the next three months might be a challenge at times. So, I have gathered my information, brainstormed with my hubby and others, and I have come up with a list of fun (and cheap) stuff to do and places to go this summer:

-Milwaukee County Zoo. Now that we have purchased our zoo pass, admission and parking are free for the rest of the year, we're not wasting all kinds of money if we can't devote an entire day to the zoo (which is tough with two little ones anyway). Also, since Aaron works less than a mile from the zoo, we can meet him there once a week for a picnic lunch!
-Betty Brinn Children's Museum. The museum has free admission on Mondays in the summer, and Grace LOVES going there.
-Milwaukee Public Museum. Also offers free admission on Mondays, and Grace has already expressed an interest in going.
-Milwaukee Art Museum. This museum offers free admission on Wednesdays from 10am to 5pm for Milwaukee County residents. Our art museum really caters well to kids. In fact, Grace had several field trips there with her class this year and can't wait to go back.
-Mitchell Park Domes. The domes offer free admission on Mondays from 9am till noon. We've never been to the domes--this summer, we will have plenty of opportunities to go.
-YMCA Day Camp. I have enrolled Grace in two weeks of day camp at our YMCA this summer. One week is Sparkles and Princess Camp (naturally) and the second week is Storybooks and Fairytales Camp.
-Tippecanoe Neighborhood Library. Our neighborhood library offers free story time on Thursdays at 10:30, and they also have a summertime reading program for kids ages three and up. I will be enrolling Grace in that program when we hit story time tomorrow. She's just getting the hang of reading and I want her to keep it up!!
-Summerfest. Grace was one of several students who were selected to plant flowers on the Summerfest grounds a month or so back, and because of her work, she earned four tickets for free weekday admission! Also, June 29th is Kids' Day at Summerfest, which includes free admission for families.
-Milwaukee County Parks. There are quite a few parks and playgrounds within walking distance of our house, so we could probably visit a new park once a week and not visit the same one twice.
-State Fair. Cream puffs and reuben rolls. Need I say more?
-Brewer Games. We took Grace to her first Brewer game last summer and she has been begging to go to another one ever since. There are plenty of games that have a 1:05pm start time, so we can make it to a game or two without sacrificing bed time.
-Play Dates. Several of us moms in Grace's class have expressed an interest in getting our kids together for play dates, and Grace is totally down with the idea.
-Farmers Markets. We will be attending the South Shore Farmers Market weekly to pick up our CSA share, but there are quite a few others around the city that I would like to visit as well.
-The Fests. Milwaukee is a festival city...Polish Fest, German Fest, Irish Fest, Bastille Days, Festa Italiana, Mexican Fiesta, among others. It'll be easy to hit these up this summer.

There are also attractions in the region that offer free or low-cost admission and have plenty of kid-friendly things to do:

-Apple Holler
-The Elegant Farmer
-Jelly Belly Center

And, naturally, we will have trips to visit grandparents and other relatives and friends. I'm sure there will also be the occasional lazy day around the house.

Whew. Do we have enough summer for all this stuff?

K4 Grad

2009-06-16T08:39:00.005-05:00

Today is Grace's last day of K4. Look at how much she has changed since September!

1st day of school:

Last day of school:

And tomorrow, my real work starts...being a full-time stay-at-home mom of two!!

I Chopped the Mess

2009-06-12T09:29:00.004-05:00

I had my highly anticipated (by me, anyway) haircut appointment last night, and I am so proud of myself because I didn't wimp out and just get the mess trimmed--we chopped the mess. And I love the new 'do. It's sassy. Pictures, then:

Before (Grace took this picture one morning right after we woke up, and I think I was coming down with strep throat at this point, and I was holding a screaming baby, so yeah. Not the greatest pic of me, but it serves my purpose here. Turns out there aren't any other recent pictures of me, sadly.):

After (taken this morning, pre-makeup):

Last night as my hairdresser was hacking away, she asked me if my husband knew what I was doing with my hair, and I answered defiantly, "Yeah, he kind of knows, but it's my hair and if he doesn't like it, too bad!!" And then the two of us spent quite a bit of time chatting about all of THOSE women who want to cut their hair but won't because their husbands want them to have long hair and how we are so glad because WE'RE not like that. But then on the way home I felt just a teeny bit sick to my stomach thinking about how Aaron would react when he saw my new 'do and I thought, "Oh hell, I AM one of those women!!!" And when I got home, Aaron's precise reaction was, "Wow." That could mean one of three things:

1. "Wow, your hair is short like a boy's and there's no way we're having sex until your hair grows to at least between your chin and your shoulders."

2. "Wow, I really like it."

3. "Wow. I need time to formulate an opinion on this one, so I'm just going to keep making vague overtures to buy myself some time."

And then he told me that I should dye my hair black. I'm not sure why.

Leafy Green Recipes

2009-06-11T10:21:00.003-05:00

Ok, so apparently I have neither the time nor the attention span to keep two blogs going consecutively, so I have not been posting on my other blog, For the Love of Beans. Sorry about that (for the couple of you who have ventured over there), but to make up for it, here are a couple of great recipes that we have come across lately. We joined a CSA earlier this year and each week, we get a share of wonderful, locally-grown, organic produce, but the problem is that some of the stuff we get is a little on the obscure side and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. Enter my good friend Google, and voila! Delicious recipes that utilize this fabulous produce!

Next time you're at your local farmer's market and you want to pick up that bunch of kale (which is super, super nutritious but not overly versatile) but you're not quite sure how to prepare it, you can use the following easy peasy recipe. You're welcome. And this was so tasty that my daughter, who we have to coerce and bribe into eating leafy greens of any kind, loved this so much that she asked us to make it again.

Roasted Kale
4 cups packed kale
1 tbsp EVOO (I actually used roasted garlic grapeseed oil, and it was delish)
Kosher Salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Wash kale and remove the tough stems by folding the kale in half (like a book) and stripping the stems from the leaves. Trim kale and toss it in a bowl with the oil. Place kale on a baking pan and sprinkle it with kosher salt. Roast in oven for 7 minutes. Turn kale over, sprinkle a little more salt over the kale, and roast it for another 7 to 10 minutes, or until kale is brown and becomes brittle. Serve immediately.

Another veggie we've gotten a lot of from our CSA shares is asparagus. We're bored to tears with just steaming it or putting it in our salads, so Aaron suggested we try a recipe we found for asparagus pesto. We jazzed it up with the chicken.

Butterflied Chicken with Asparagus Pesto
Pesto:
1 1/4 cups chopped asparagus
3 garlic cloves
1/3 cup parmesan cheese
1/2 cup EVOO

Run asparagus, garlic, and cheese through a food processor, adding EVOO slowly.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butterfly as many boneless, skinless chicken breasts as you'd like, and rub a generous helping of the pesto inside each chicken breast. Close chicken breast and rub an additional helping of pesto on top (we placed a small slice of pepper jack cheese on top of each chicken breast as well, just because we love cheese). Sprinkle each chicken breast with a pinch of kosher salt and bake the chicken breasts on a roasting pan for about 45 minutes, or until chicken breasts are fully cooked. Goes beautifully with a nice red wine.

Seven Things That Have Changed Since Having Baby #2

2009-06-10T09:03:00.000-05:00

1. My boobs. Before, I had what I would classify as a pleasantly large, relatively perky rack. Now, I need an industrial strength bra to both support and contain the girls. Any perkiness that I previously enjoyed is long gone, and my LORD the girls are HUGE. This is not a good thing since my starting point was "pleasantly large".

2. My body's weight distribution. According to the scale, I weigh six pounds less than I did when I found out I was pregnant with Harrison. However, I don't see it--maybe I lost some weight in my feet or something. The "mama pouch" that replaced my midsection after having Grace has morphed into a gelatinous, stretch mark-laden blob. Not at all attractive. Also, I don't know that I will ever be able to get rid of my double chin and flappy old lady arms.

3. My bladder control. Imagine my surprise when Grace and I were chasing each other around the house recently and I had to stop suddenly lest I piddle all over the floor. Ditto for sneezing, coughing, or laughing too hard.

4. My tolerance for alcohol. One glass of wine is ok, but if I have any more than that, I'm either slurring my speech or snoring on the couch. Sometimes both.

5. My hair. My once lustrous, shiny hair is now lackluster and falling out at an alarming rate. Hence my decision to get the mess chopped...pictures will follow soon after my appointment on Thursday.

6. My need for sleep. My new definition of a "full night's sleep" is five consecutive hours--I used to require at least eight hours in order to function. Now, as long as I get my five hours, I'm good to go. And, oddly enough, if I get too MUCH sleep, I'm a wreck...a few weeks ago, my parents took the kids for a night, and I got ten glorious hours of sleep. But, I ended up way more exhausted.

7. My perception of Grace's size. Before Harrison was born, Grace looked so small...she was my little baby girl. Suddenly, she is so big and sturdy! And she's so capable! I never imagined that a five-year-old was able to do so much stuff if her hovering mama would just let her try!

Mixed Bag

2009-06-03T13:09:00.000-05:00

This morning as Harrison and I were walking home after dropping Grace off at school, I struck up a conversation with one of the school's crossing guards as I was waiting to cross the street. We were chatting about Harrison, who was snoozing contentedly in his sling, when out of no where the crossing guard asked me, "Are you breastfeeding him?" When I replied that no, he's bottle fed, she looked at me for a moment and said, "Oh, so you must be going back to work then." When I told her that nope, I'm not planning to go back to work until September, she paused for another moment or two and said, "I don't understand you." And I could almost feel her head shaking at me as she walked away.

And a good morning to you, too.

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Speaking of work, yesterday there were several layoffs at Aaron's employer, and I got my first real dose of panic about being a single-income family in this economy. I found out about the layoffs when one of Aaron's co-workers posted on Facebook that he had just been laid off and I immediately tried to call Aaron to make sure he wasn't affected. I wasn't able to reach him right away, so there was a period of about twenty minutes in which I was certain that Aar was being issued his pink slip and would be on his way home to deliver the bad news.

Thankfully, Aaron's job was spared, but this is just another reminder for me that everyone is vulnerable these days. My sister, who is a teacher, also got a pink slip recently (actually, the slip was white but she colored it pink--at least she has a sense of humor about all of this). You know it's bad when the teachers, especially the good ones who really care and are doing a fabulous job (like my sister) are being cut. It just sucks and my heart goes out to those families who are now having to deal with a loss of income.

********************************************************************************
On a happier note, I have discovered the key to getting Harrison to nap: the dishwasher. Harrison is now on a pretty predicable three-nap-a-day schedule, and if I am ever having a hard time getting him to fall asleep, all I have to do is fire up the dishwasher (as long as it's loaded with dirty dishes, naturally) and place Harrison in his bouncy chair next to it, and he's out like a light, guaranteed. Variations on this have worked as well...Harrison also falls asleep to the sounds of a hair dryer or a vacuum cleaner. Perhaps we should invest in a particularly loud fan to run during the night so our little man (finally) starts sleeping through the night??

Post Party

2009-05-31T20:56:00.002-05:00

Yesterday afternoon we had nine little girls from Grace's school over for her birthday party. The party was a hit and we managed to go through the entire two hours with only one minor breakdown from one little girl who was the first to be "out" during a rousing game of musical chairs. Grace had a blast and made an absolute haul in the gift department--so much so that we might have to add a wing to our house for the piles of Barbies and My Little Ponies and Littlest Pet Shops.

I'm beat, plain and simple. After the little girls all left yesterday we had family over and then I spent the evening with Grace, Harrison, and my four-year-old niece while Aaron went to a wedding reception, so I didn't really have a chance to recover. Then, today I spent the majority of the day just cleaning up the housewide mess left over from yesterday's festivities and fantasizing about what it would be like to hold next year's party for Grace anyplace OTHER than our house. Now, finally, I am enjoying a glass of wine and the relative silence in the house.

But, as I was putting Grace to bed tonight, she told me that she really loved her party and that she had so much fun. I suppose that makes the whole thing worth it.

Grace: Five Years Old

2009-05-28T07:11:00.000-05:00

Gracie,

One afternoon last week when I picked you up from school your teacher approached me to inform me that you had lost your play time privileges for that day because you were talking out of turn to some of your friends. And even though I did take a moment to gently remind you that it's important to listen when it's listening time and to be respectful of your teacher, inside I was smiling. I was smiling because I considered this a step in the right direction--you used to be the child who was so shy that I would have to beg you to talk to others. Now you've come out of your shell so much that sometimes you have to be reminded that it's not appropriate to talk ALL the time. I know you were worried that I would be mad at you for getting in trouble at school, but the opposite is true. I'm happy that you're finally coming out of your shell and showing the world what I have known for five years--that you are the most special, wonderful little girl. And to commemorate the first time you got in trouble at school, I took you out for ice cream.

Today you turn five years old, and when I think about how quickly these five years have passed, it takes my breath away. Also taking my breath away is the realization of how much you have grown up over the past year. You've become far more independent--in fact, you love to show us how you are able to do all kinds of things on your own and it seems that you are learning how to do more stuff every day. You're so smart--you love to sound out words and figure them out and if I let you, I have a feeling that you would spend hours just writing and writing. And, you shocked me recently by tearing off a piece of a napkin and telling me it looked like a trapezoid. A trapezoid!! I had to take a minute to remember my geometry so I could keep up with you...

Your imagination seems to grow day by day, as well. You love to tell the most magnificent stories, weaving together little pieces of your experiences and making sure you include your favorite people in your cast of characters. Sometimes, when you don't know I'm listening, I'll catch you making up little songs about all sorts of things and singing them to yourself and I'll chuckle to myself over how creative and imaginative you are. And, you're a little sponge, sopping up and retaining information as quickly as you can, and your constant hunger for more and more knowledge is so impressive to me. You're always anxious to practice the new things you're learning and you love to display your many new talents--the newest of which is baton twirling!

Something really big happened in your life this year--you became a big sister. Harrison came barreling into your world, monopolizing your mama's time and keeping you awake most nights with his crying. And not only have you taken this huge transition in stride, but you have accepted your new brother with eager and open arms. You have even gone so far as to put in an order for yet ANOTHER sibling because you like being a big sister so much. I hope that you are able to read this when you are a grown up and have children of your own, because then you will be able to appreciate as much as I do now how wonderful and helpful it is to have an oldest child who can handle so gracefully the difficult changes that a new sibling brings. Many kids have a really hard time when a younger sibling comes into their lives--they regress, they hate their new brother or sister, they have trouble in school. You have done the opposite--you have grown. You have become even more compassionate and caring and my heart swells with pride each time I see you interact with Harrison. I am so proud of you and I am excited for you to have a sibling to share your life with.

Last night as you were falling asleep, I spent some time watching your peaceful little face and listening to your soft breathing and recalling how at that moment five years ago, I was packing my hospital bag and trying to imagine how much my life was about to change. I couldn't fathom how quickly that tiny baby that I would deliver the next afternoon would grow--I couldn't imagine having a five-year-old, but here we are. Happy birthday, Punkin. Thanks for the privilege of spending yet another wonderful year with you.

Love,
Mama

Clipped

2009-05-22T10:20:00.003-05:00

Happily, Harrison's surgery appears to have been a raging success. Actually, apart from a little fussiness, one would never know that Harry underwent a procedure yesterday. Aaron and I watched in wonder yesterday afternoon as Harrison stuck his tongue out for the very first time, and he seems to have an easier time eating as well.

The surgery itself was incredibly quick. He was taken to the OR around 8:00am, and by 8:15, we were already having the post-op meeting with his doctor. The longest part of the day came when we had to stay in the recovery room for four hours because Harrison was very close to the "preemie" cutoff and they wanted to monitor him for a bit longer than they would with full-term babies.

So, that's behind us. I'll be very happy if we can stay away from the hospitals for a while now.

I Wanna Be Sedated

2009-05-20T11:49:00.004-05:00

After seeing our ENT doctor last week and hearing that Harrison's poor little tongue is tied pretty severely, we're having Harrison's frenulum clipped tomorrow. Even though he's the one undergoing the procedure, I am the one who's gonna need some sedation. (What would I do if something was REALLY wrong with one of my kids? I can't even think about this without the waterworks starting up. Geez, buck up, sister.)

Anyhoo, as I said we took Harrison to the pediatric ENT clinic a week or so back and the doctor barely had to look at Harry's tongue to tell us that we should certainly have this procedure done now or Harrison would more than likely end up needing, at the very least, some speech therapy when he turns 4 or 5. And, he could possibly have some issues when he starts eating solids in a couple of months, too. The doctor was surprised (and a little dismayed) that we weren't offered the option to have his frenulum clipped while he was in the hospital in the days after he was born because the procedure is SUPER easy at that point in an infant's life. He also told us that if we had clipped right way, Harry would have been able to nurse. Ugh!! (I've decided not to get too pissed about this, though. Harrison had so many other issues right after birth that we probably would have opted to wait, anyway.)

Well, because we didn't have the procedure done right after Harrison was born, the poor dude has to go to a special surgery center and he has to be sedated for the duration of the surgery so the doctor can make sure he makes the cut as clean as possible. This means that after 1:00am, Harrison can't have any formula. His surgery isn't scheduled to start until 8:00am. I don't see this ending well for any of us.

Actually, it sounds like the procedure is pretty simple--the actual clipping of the frenulum takes less than two minutes and since the incision is immediately cauterized by the electric knife used to make the cut, there is virtually no bleeding. The time-consuming part of the surgery comes from the sedation--they will mask Harrison down first and then they will place an IV to keep him asleep. Then they have to wake him up again. Seems like a lot of work for two stinking minutes.

The doctor seems pretty convinced that this needs to be done like right now, but I have made the mistake of reading literature online that says that clipping the frenulum really ISN'T necessary, so there is a little voice in my head whispering, "You're gonna be sorry about this tomorrow!!"

I'm just hoping that we're not creating a problem where one doesn't exist. If Harrison's cries of hunger don't keep me up tonight, wondering whether or not we're doing the right thing certainly will.

My Little Artista

2009-05-18T20:35:00.003-05:00

Here is Grace explaining her latest work of art--paint on canvas:

She is currently enrolled in an after-school class that her school offers called Mini Picasso, and tonight she got to bring home her first completed project from that class. This is just one of the many reasons why I am so pleased that we decided to enroll Gracie in an arts-based school--the kid is just flourishing. I know I am the mama so it's natural for me to think my kid rocks, but I really think she has some raw talent when it comes to art and I'm glad that she has an opportunity to use that talent and add new skills to her repertoire. She was so excited when she brought her project home tonight, and honestly, I was floored at how GOOD it was. Yeah, it helps that it was painted on real canvas, but to me, this looked like something you would find for sale. I can't wait to frame it and display it in our house.

Ya Know, It's Not Like I Don't Have Anything to Say...

2009-05-13T13:17:00.002-05:00

Oh, I have a lot to say, but most of it has to do with this episode of Steve Wilkos that I'm kind of watching right now, and trust me, you don't even want to know.

For some reason or another, it's been really hard for me to think of stuff to blog about lately, and I have a feeling it's because I am just SO FREAKING TIRED. Harrison is down to one feeding during the night (usually sometime between 2:30am and 4am), and that is a huge improvement, but since it's been almost three months since I have gotten some really good sleep, everything seems a little foggy to me. I have a flicker of an idea for a blog entry, but as quickly as it appears, it's gone and I am back to fumbling around the house like a zombie, looking for a Diet Dr. Pepper and my under eye concealer.

There is also the fact that being a stay at home mom is far more work than I ever imagined it would be, and right now, I only have one kid at home with me so once school lets out for the summer, my work will double. Don't get me wrong--I love staying home and caring for the kids and managing the household. I LOVE it. It's way more rewarding than any other job I could imagine. But it's also a job that doesn't allow for a lunch break or sometimes even a bathroom break. And when the baby is asleep, it's hard for me to take that "nap when the baby naps" advice...hell no...that's my time to handle the zillion other things that need handling.

So yeah, I'm doing well but I'm having a hard time fueling the creative juices enough to come up with anything of interest to post. Sorry about that. I'm sure I'll have something to say soon about Harrison's upcoming surgery to clip his frenulum, but in the meantime, feast your eyes on this handsomeness:

Leave of Absence

2009-05-07T14:29:00.004-05:00

I was originally scheduled to return to work after my maternity leave officially ends on May 19th. But, instead of going back to work and earning next to nothing because of having to pay to place both kids in day care (after school ends for Gracie in June), Aaron and I decided that it would be a better idea to have me stay home for the summer and take care of these two:

And I am so, so excited to be able to do this. I have a feeling this is going to be the best summer ever.

Thumbs Up

2009-05-01T20:51:00.001-05:00

Me: Gracie, how do you like being a big sister?

Gracie:

Two Month Checkup

2009-04-30T13:39:00.003-05:00

Today was Harrison's two month checkup, and I have to be honest, I was excited to show our pediatrician all the cool things Harrison can do now. Look, he holds up his head! He's smiling!! And he's getting fat! Thankfully, our pediatrician is AWESOME and he not only let me brag but marveled at all of Harry's new tricks and commented very excitedly about how much he has grown over the past several weeks. Love that doctor.

The specifics, then. Harrison weighs 11 pounds, 8 ounces, so he has gained more than 5 pounds since birth. He measures 23.5 inches, so he has grown than 4 inches since birth. He is in the 40th percentile for weight and the 67th percentile for height...this is the baby who was hugging the 5th percentile in both areas at birth. He is growing beautifully and is doing many of the things that he should at this age. He is slightly delayed in some of the social milestones (he's not laughing yet--in fact, he just started smiling), but since he was almost four weeks premature, our pediatrician assured us that a slight delay at this point is completely normal but that he should be completely caught up to his age group by the time he turns 1.

We also talked again at length about Harrison being severely tongue-tied, and our pediatrician suggested that we meet with an otolaryngologist to discuss how this will affect Harrison when he starts eating solids and when he starts speaking, and to possibly plan to have his frenulum clipped. Our pediatrician seems to think that he might have some issues with eating and/or speaking, so it will be interesting to see what the specialist has to say. The research that I have done on this yields pretty inconclusive results...some say it's necessary to clip, some argue that clipping doesn't benefit the child at all. Our appointment with the specialist is coming up in a couple of weeks.

All in all, our little man is doing wonderfully! And now, he's zonked out--all that crying after getting three shots tires a dude out.

Making The Sleepless Nights SO Worth It

2009-04-29T08:43:00.001-05:00

Today, I saw Harrison's first real, without-a-doubt, full-face smile. I was chatting with him about all of the tasty fruit I was adding to my breakfast smoothie, and as I was singing him a little song that I made up about mangoes, he flashed me that handsome smile and my heart melted into a little puddle of love and adoration.

Little dude, if you keep this up, you're gonna have your mama wrapped around your finger in no time.

One of Those Days

2009-04-27T20:37:00.002-05:00

Ever have one of those days where you feel like the world is conspiring against you? I had one of those days today.

The morning started off innocently enough...in fact, Grace was in a great mood and got herself dressed and ready for school in record time and with very few complaints at all. We walked over to school, playing a game of "I Spy" on the way and I read a book to Gracie in her classroom before it was time for me to leave.

Things began to unravel, though, when my reading drew a small crowd of Gracie's classmates and a couple of the other little girls wanted me to read a book to them as well. Since I had a few spare minutes before school officially started, I decided to hang out for a few minutes and read a book to one of the other girls. Big mistake. As I did this, I noticed Gracie slinking away from me and tucking herself into the corner and the pouting commenced. Before I had a chance to finish reading the entire book to the other little girl, the pouting morphed into full-blown crying, and soon Grace had attracted the attention of her teacher as well as another mom. Good grief. I sighed and made a comment about how tough Monday mornings are, and Grace's teacher suggested I stay for another few minutes so Grace could calm down a bit. I stayed until the morning announcements were starting, and by then Grace was happily playing with her friends, so I bid her adieu and headed home.

Mondays are laundry days in our house, so my plan for today (after getting Grace off to school) was to get several loads of laundry done so that I could enjoy the evening with the family after Aaron got home. I figured that I wouldn't have any issue getting this accomplished as Harrison generally takes two good naps during the day. Today, however, was a different story. Harrison was uncharacteristically fussy all day and every time I attempted to lay him down for a nap so that I could get my stuff done, he would wake up wailing ten minutes later and I would have to drop what I was doing to care for him. Needless to say, this made my attempts at getting the laundry done virtually futile.

Speaking of Harrison, he was especially gassy today (which is probably why he was so fussy) and after one particular feeding, I was burping him and he launched what felt like a gallon of spit-up into my hair. After wiping myself down and assessing the damage, I decided that I would definitely need a shower or I would surely smell like sour milk and baby puke and I was not down with that at all. I managed to get Harrison to fall asleep soundly, so I placed him in his bassinet so that I could take a shower. I lingered for a few minutes in the nice warm water, but suddenly, I heard the unmistakable sound of a baby wailing in the next room so I had to quickly wrap up the shower, dry off, and throw a robe on so I could get to Harrison, who was practically swimming in a pool of even more spit-up. Where the hell was it all coming from?

I was looking forward to picking Grace up from school (so that I would have someone else in the house to talk to after dealing with a fussy baby all day), but when I arrived at school, I found Grace sitting in the office waiting for me instead of playing outside on the playground with the other kids. Turns out that Grace had an accident during her after school art class and soaked through her pants, socks, and her shoes. (She was participating in a new after school class that her school is offering, and when I asked her why she didn't make it to the bathroom, she said she didn't want to miss out on anything so she tried to hold it.) And, naturally, the poor kid didn't have any backup clothes at school, so she was dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of socks that was in the lost and found.

Needless to say, I was so happy to see Aaron when he got home that I practically bowled him over as I was running out the door to grab a few minutes to myself. Who knew a trip alone to Walgreens for diapers could be so therapeutic?

New Plan, New Blog

2009-04-24T12:04:00.002-05:00

Last year before I found out that I was pregnant with Harrison, I started a diet plan and my goal was to eat wisely, exercise, lose some weight (hopefully), and blog about it. Well, shortly after launching this new plan, I found out that I was pregnant and all thoughts of dieting were tossed out the window and for the next nine months or so, I ate for two. This meant that I ate when I was hungry (which was quite literally all the time) and I ate whatever sounded good to me at the time. This usually meant eating lots of fried foods, Mexican food (when my stomach would tolerate it) and copious amounts of chocolate. And 2% milk...how I loved the 2% milk...the creaminess, the thickness of it. I drank it ALL the time.

Somehow, by the grace of God, I only gained 32 pounds during my pregnancy. I credit that partially to the fact that I had a four-year-old at home who never let me sit still, despite the fact that I was supposed to be on modified bed rest. Also, I only stayed pregnant for 36 weeks...had I made it the full 40, I'm sure that number would have been higher.

After I delivered Harrison, I began pumping every two to three hours so that I could feed Harrison breast milk despite his physical inability to breastfeed. One of the wonderful benefits of pumping was that most of those 32 pounds that I had gained during pregnancy melted off effortlessly. In fact, I was still eating as though I was pregnant, perhaps even more, and the weight STILL fell off. This was the best diet plan ever!! I had lost almost 30 pounds before my six week postpartum checkup!

Fast forward six weeks, and I developed mastitis. My milk supply dropped drastically...so much so that after about a week of trying my best at relactation, I decided to give up the pumping all together. Lo and behold, the dramatic weight loss came to a standstill. What did I expect??

So, now I have to figure out how to lose the remainder of my baby weight and keep it off. And, I have the ultimte goal of getting back to the weight I was at when Aaron and I got married--this means that on top of losing those last five pounds or so left over from pregnancy, I need to lose an additional twenty. For someone who struggles to lose weight, this seems like a pretty daunting challenge for me.

Luckily, I have a plan. While I was still pregnant, Aaron took an interest in changing his eating habits in order to lose some weight, and in the process, he did some research into different eating philosophies and came across one that appealed to him. He started reading some of Mark Bittman's books, and in particular Bittman's book newest book, Food Matters. In this book, Bittman talks in depth about the typical American's eating habits and the overconsumption that runs rampant in our society. He also talks about how our society of overconsumption is damaging to our planet. Then, he offers a plan of "sane eating"--eating wisely while healing the planet at the same time.

Aaron decided to follow Bittman's suggestions and he quickly began seeing results. In fact, I was so inspired by these results (and by Bittman's book) that now that I am no longer pregnant or lactating, I have decided to become a Bittman follower as well. This leads me to my new blog, For The Love Of Beans. In my new blog, I will talk about Bittman's suggestions and how I will implement them in my eating strategies. I will outline my new plan to meet my weight loss goal and I will share stories of how Aaron and I are healing our bodies, as well as our planet, together.

Check it out...the new plan starts Monday.

Harrison: Eight Weeks

2009-04-22T13:27:00.002-05:00

Dear Harry:

I'm not sure if I should be posting your two-month letter today or Saturday...you are eight weeks old today, but your official two-month birthday is Saturday since Saturday is the 25th. I decided to go ahead and write it today because you're napping soundly right now and I actually have a free moment, and Saturday is the day before your baptism and we're having fifteen people over for a party on Sunday, so I'll be busy cleaning the house on Saturday. Today it is. I'll rethink it next month.

Eight weeks ago right now, I was in the throes of a very difficult labor, but as I stare at you sleeping so peacefully, I can't even remember the pain that I felt. It's strange how any memory of the pain disappears...I know I had pain, but I couldn't retell how it felt. What I do remember from that day eight weeks ago, though, was the feeling that I had the first moment that I saw you, and I can tell you that the love that I felt at that moment has only grown over the past two months.

You're growing by leaps and bounds. When I look at photos from those first few days after you were born and then I look at you now, I have a hard time believing it's the same little boy. In fact, you have already gained almost four full pounds since you were born. You have been eating four to six ounces at each feeding, and thanks to the fact that you're eating more, you're also sleeping for longer stretches at night. You enjoy your last bottle of the day around 10pm and then you're only up once during the night to eat (usually between 2am and 3am), and for that, Mommy and Daddy thank you. We're not the zombies that we were just a few weeks ago.

You're doing lots of really cool things. You hold your head up for a long time when you're on your belly. You kick your little legs like you're riding a bicycle when you're excited. You're also starting to notice things. You follow us with your eyes. You turn your head to find us when one of us is taking. You love to go outside and take in what is happening in the world around you. You love it when we hold you in our laps and talk to you and sing to you...you just sit with us, contentedly, and listen to us and stare at us and take it all in. Occasionally, you coo back at us, and every now and then, we even get the precious gift of a little smile from you. You smiled at your big sister yesterday, and you made her day. We can't wait to see those smiles more often.

My little man, you're truly a special, wonderful little dude. I can't wait to watch you keep growing.

More Thoughts on Co-Sleeping

2009-04-21T14:11:00.005-05:00

So, since my last post on co-sleeping, there have been two more infant deaths in Milwaukee that have been attributed to co-sleeping. That makes a total of three infant deaths that the local media is attributing to co-sleeping within the last six weeks. No matter what the reason for these deaths, they are a tragedy and my heart breaks for the families that have lost their babies.

These deaths have captured a lot of attention in the area, so much so that the mayor of Milwaukee, Tom Barrett, is now speaking out against co-sleeping, telling parents that if they love their children, they should put them in a crib. Not kidding--he really said that, on camera, and then his office proceeded to call more than 1300 day care facilities in the Milwaukee area to remind them of the dangers of co-sleeping and to remind them that children are safest in their cribs.

I would argue that we should all step back before things get too out of hand and take a look at the facts. In the first death, the one that I blogged about in March, the mother who fell asleep and smothered her child on a couch was intoxicated--so much so that she didn't remember many of the events of the night in which she smothered her child. In the second death, the grandmother who fell asleep and smothered her grandchild on a couch had eight beers before falling asleep. In this third and most recent death, the mother put her infant to bed with her AND HER THREE-YEAR-OLD CHILD and when she woke in the morning, the infant was dead. This mother also put her baby to sleep on a pillow. It doesn't appear as though alcohol was a factor in this particular case.

Again, my heart breaks for each of these families, and I just can't imagine the pain they are experiencing. I'm not trying to sound judgmental here. However, I would argue that in the first two cases, the adults were not co-sleeping...they passed out with the child on the couch with them and they didn't have the capacity to wake up when they were smothering these children. In the third case, it sounds like the situation was closer to what is traditionally defined as co-sleeping, but those of us who have done our research know that you never, ever put an infant in bed with another young child (because that other child may not react if they should roll over on the baby), and you don't ever put your baby to sleep on a pillow.

There are rules that need to be followed if a family decides to co-sleep with their infant. According to babycenter.com:

Never smoke or allow others to smoke around your infant, whether or not you're co-sleeping. Some studies have found that babies who share a bed with parents who smoke are at higher risk for SIDS.
Never co-sleep with your infant if you're under the influence of alcohol or other drugs. These intoxicants could interfere with your awareness of your baby's presence and her cries.
If you're extremely overweight, sleep-sharing might not be safe for your baby. Installing a crib or a co-sleeper next to your bed is a less risky way to go.
Don't let older children sleep next to a baby younger than one year. They could accidentally harm the baby by rolling over or kicking in their sleep.
Put your baby to sleep only on a smooth, flat mattress. It's not safe for babies to sleep (with or without you) on a waterbed, an egg-crate mattress, a couch, an armchair, or any other surface that's not firm and could interfere with your baby's breathing — firm and flat is the rule.
To make sure your baby can breathe freely, keep pillows, blankets, comforters, and other bedding away from her face.

Again, I am not trying to sound judgmental, but in each of these tragic deaths, one or more of these rules was broken.

I am not ashamed to admit that I have shared a bed with both of my children (although I haven't co-slept with Gracie for quite some time, as she is now used to sleeping in a bed on her own). However, when I choose to do so, I make sure I follow the rules. I am not drunk or so tired that I am at the point of passing out. I make sure the bedding is secure and that the mattress is firm. I remove my pillow from my sleeping area--in fact, I don't even sleep on the pillow if my child is with me. I don't allow my children to sleep in the same bed together (and I won't allow this until Harrison is at least one year old). I ensure there is no possible way that my child could roll out of the bed or somehow entrap themselves in the bed. I keep blankets away from my child's face. And, I sleep facing my child so that I can respond to him or her if they should make any noise or cry out. Even though this means a less restful night's sleep for me, it makes for a more restful night for my child.

Mayor Barrett, I do love my children and I disagree with your advice to put them in a crib to sleep every night. Instead of going on the news and making parents who share a bed with their child feel ashamed for doing so, maybe we should be educating the public on these rules of co-sleeping so that parents and caretakers who choose to co-sleep know how to do it safely.

Awwww...

2009-04-20T15:08:00.002-05:00

Isn't he just the cutest baby boy you have ever seen??

I put him in the Boppy to keep him comfy while I was folding laundry and he conked out while I was singing to him. Not sure what that says about me or my singing, but dang, he's adorable if I do say so myself.

A History Lesson

2009-04-15T14:04:00.002-05:00

Today is Tax Day and as I watched the news this morning I was a little surprised to hear about these "tea bag" parties that are going on across the country today. I was surprised at first because when I think "tea bag party" my mind tends to roam toward the *other*, more adult definition of tea bag and I was shocked that the local news outlets were covering such parties. And then I was all like, "There are PARTIES for that?!?!" Then as I listened on, I came to learn that these are protests organized by Conservatives, calling attention to our big bad government's supposed spending and taxation run amok by tossing actual tea bags around and evoking memories of the Boston Tea Party. Then I was like, "Really?"

A history lesson, if I may, and not just because I minored in History in college...The actual Boston Tea Party that took place all those years ago was staged to protest taxation WITHOUT representation. The colonists were protesting (and rightly so, in my view) because they were being taxed by the King of England without having any means to represent themselves and their best interests in the King's court.

Hey, those of you participating in and supporting these tea bag parties today--note the second word in "taxation without representation". Seems to me that we just had an election a few months ago and hey, we got to elect our leaders who WOULD represent us. We HAVE representation!! So your tea bag parties are stupid.

I guess I'm one of these crazy people that doesn't mind paying taxes, seeing as they allow us to pay for all of that silly stuff like schools and roads and the military. Sure, I don't want to pay more taxes than I have to and I know there is too much spending going on, but it seems to me that this problem didn't magically appear when President Obama took office. I heard some idiot commentator today say that the people holding these tea bag parties today are just a bunch of populist, grassroots organizers who are looking out for the common man, and to that I say, "Bull." Where were these people who are protesting today when W gave tax cuts to the wealthiest of the wealthy? Where were they when the Bush administration was busy screwing over the working class?? They were at home, slyly twisting their mustaches and counting their dough. Unless they didn't have mustaches...then they were just counting their dough.

I'm all for free speech. It's a free country after all, and if you feel the need to protest what you think is unfair taxation, then by all means, go for it. But let's call it like it is. You're just pissed that you lost and this is your way of showing it. You DO have representation, so put the tea bags away and find another object to symbolize your cause.

P.S. Aaron reminded me of this: Seems to me that not so long ago, it was considered treason by some to speak out against the president. So that's not the case anymore??

Baby Brain: A Continuation

2009-04-14T15:07:00.002-05:00

So, I thought Baby Brain would disappear after having my baby, but it would appear as though I thought wrong. A snippet of the odd things I have done recently, all of which I am chalking up to a nasty continuation of Baby Brain:

-Feeding Grace Oreo Cakester cookies for breakfast this morning. This is SO out of character for me that when I told Aaron what Grace ate for breakfast, he looked at me like I had just told him that I had a change of heart and now think Rush Limbaugh is wicked cool.

-Spending a good five minutes trying to figure out the meaning of the acronym "LMAO". Normally I am pretty adept at figuring out these cute little, uh, acronyms, but for some strange reason I couldn't wrap my brain around this one until I read a comment on another blog where "LMAO" was in the context of a sentence and I was all like, "Oooooooooooooooh. I get it."

-Attempting to balance a large ceramic plate on top of a tortilla warmer. Actually, I was attempting to place the plate on top of that little circular handle that's on the cover of a tortilla warmer (to make more room at our table) and for some reason it didn't register with me that plate was probably twenty times the size of the handle and setting the plate on top of it would surely end in disaster. Luckily, Aaron saw all of this happening just as the plate was teetering off of the tortilla warmer and caught it before it had a chance to smash to bits on the tile floor of the Mexican restaurant we were eating at. Then he gave me that look again.

-Forgetting to shampoo my hair while showering. I get three, maybe four showers a week these days (if I'm lucky) so you'd think I'd remember to wash my hair with each shower. However, I didn't remember to wash my hair until AFTER I had completed my shower this morning. In fact, I had already dried off and was getting dressed before I realized what I had forgotten. So, I had to get undressed and climb back into the shower so I could quickly wash my hair before Aaron could figure out what was happening. Didn't want to get The Look again. Although I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get it as soon as he reads this.

Combine all of this with the zillions of times I have lost my train of thought in mid-sentence or forgotten what's been on my grocery list or lost my keys/cell phone recently and I am convinced that my brain still hasn't bounced back from pregnancy. What the hell? When am I going to get my brain back?

The Tale of Two Kiddies

2009-04-09T15:19:00.003-05:00

If anyone had tried to explain the complex feelings that a mother has for her child before I had my kids, I wouldn't have been able to understand. I don't think you really are able to grasp the depth and intensity of those maternal feelings until you actually have a child of your own and you're able to experience the ride for yourself. And, I wasn't able to understand a mother's ability to love two children with the same depth and intensity until I had my second child...it's like a well that has no bottom...no matter how many times I have to dip into that well, there is always more than enough to share with my two babies.

What has really taken me by surprise is how different my two kids are and how differently I feel about them, but how it's really all the same after all. It's hard to articulate. I am so glad that Grace was my first child. I always wanted to have a little girl, a little princess, who I could spoil the crap out of and dress up in pretty things and giggle with. And Grace is SO that little girl. She is the little princess that I always wanted. Some of my favorite times with her are when she and I are sitting around and just being GIRLY...putting on lip gloss, talking about pretty clothes, drawing pictures of flowers and hearts, and giggling our heads off. This week Grace and I went to the salon to get haircuts, just the two of us, and it was SO FUN. I loved holding her on my lap during my haircut and talking girl talk. If I had had a boy first, I think that I might have been a little sad to miss out on that.

I'm also glad that Grace was my first child because she challenges me more than I think some kids challenge their parents. She tends to be a little more on the high maintenance side than not, and she has pushed me again and again until I feel like I am finally comfortable in my Mom skin. She is strong-willed and knows what she wants, and I am happy about that. (Even though those traits challenge and frustrate me sometimes, I know that they will serve her well as she gets older.) Grace has molded me into the parent that I am and I'm glad I had her first because of the experience she has given me. It has proven invaluable.

It's so cool to watch Grace morph from only child into big sister, too. She is way proud of her little brother, and she loves to help me out with him when she can. And, sometimes when she doesn't know I am paying attention, I will catch her singing little songs to Harrison or whispering little words of comfort to him if he gets fussy. I am so proud of the compassion and gentleness and caring that she shows for her brother. It will be so neat to watch their relationship grow and blossom in the coming years, as Harrison gets older and the two of them are able to interact more.

When I found out I was having a son, I was excited but I'll admit that I felt a bit of trepidation. After all, I have a sister, I have a daughter, and I didn't think I knew how to raise a boy. But man, I love my little boy, and there is such an awesome feeling of pride that I feel when I look at him. Any feelings of hesitation that I felt about raising a son are long gone. I find myself increasingly excited to watch him grow up and see what kind of a boy and, eventually, what kind of a man he will be. And woe to that future love interest who comes into Harry's life and tries to steal him from me. 'Cause it ain't happening.

Harrison is so laid back, too, in contrast with Grace, who has tons and tons of energy. He is content to lay on his back on the couch and listen to Grace playing or sit in his bouncy chair quietly in the kitchen as I am cooking. I'm actually able to lay him down while he's drowsy but not quite asleep and let him fall asleep on his own...something I was unable to do with Grace. If Harrison had been my first child and I had a high energy child second, I wouldn't have known what to do. In reality, I feel almost over prepared for Harrison at times. He's such an easy baby.

How lovely to be a mama and to have so much love for two wonderfully different, yet equally wonderful, little people.

Like Nothing Ever Happened

2009-04-08T14:15:00.002-05:00

I had my six-week postpartum check today (ugh, where did that time go?) and, according to Dr. Fab, "It looks like nothing ever happened" down below. I suppose that's a good thing, although the six-week old napping next to me would probably disagree with that assessment.

It was nice to see Dr. Fab and all of the nurses who I came to know pretty well during the last few months of my pregnancy--it was kind of like a family reunion, complete with hugs and lots and lots of gushing over Harrison. And, it was great to sit down and have a frank chat with Dr. Fab about the mastitis and my milk supply...she put things into perspective to me, once again showing me that she truly is fabulous. She reminded me that I did a great job getting Harrison through those tough first few weeks and that my reward for that is a healthy baby. She told me that I should try to get my milk supply back up if I want to, but if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work and I have nothing to feel bad about. I will try for a bit longer, and I can honestly say that if things don't work out, that at least I tried and I gave Harrison the best possible start that I could.

So, I am fully recovered from the trauma of pregnancy, labor, and delivery, and I've been given the green light to resume life as usual. Once I get caught up on my sleep, I will get right on that.

Mastitis Sucks

2009-04-06T12:56:00.003-05:00

So yeah, I have mastitis, and in case you were wondering, it totally sucks.

Last week I attempted to nurse Harrison on several occasions, and a few times, it actually worked a little. I had originally made the attempt because Harrison was hungry around the same time I was scheduled to pump, so I thought that I would just give nursing a shot, just to see what would happen and maybe save myself the hassle of pumping and cleanup, etc. To my surprise, Harrison latched right on and nursed for a good ten minutes and then we finished up with some breast milk that I had stored in the fridge. I tried again several more times last week, but I never had the success that I did during that initial attempt. Either Harry decided he didn't want to work hard and wanted a bottle instead, or his inability to form a good latch at the breast proved to be way too painful for me and I abandoned the attempt after a minute or two of pain.

On Friday, Aaron took the day off so we could go car shopping, and I packed up my pump and all of my pumping paraphernalia to take with us, as I was certain we would be gone most of the day and I would need to pump a couple of times while we were gone. Unfortunately, we decided to test drive a car right around one of the times I was supposed to pump and I accidentally left the pump in our car, so I quickly became uncomfortably engorged (and cranky) and didn't have an opportunity to pump again until we got home a few hours later. By that time, I was so engorged that I had leaked all over the front of my shirt (luckily I wore layers so no one was able to tell) but I felt much, much better after I pumped for a while.

Saturday came and I was so, so excited because that was the day that Aaron and I had planned for our long-awaited getaway to Door County. We were going to drop the kids off at my parents' house and then head up to a bed and breakfast for the night. We planned on doing a winery tour and eating a nice, leisurely dinner at a romantic restaurant and then spend the night drinking wine in our room's whirlpool. So, Saturday morning I got up nice and early even though I was feeling REALLY tired and run down, packed everything up, and got ready to go. I decided to pump one more time before we left, and I noticed that my left breast looked really swollen and it was extremely tender, but I thought the pain and swelling would go away after pumping. It didn't. Before we left the house, I grabbed a gel pack that I used to help with clogged ducts, tossed it in the microwave to warm it up, and stuck it in my bra in the hopes that it would help.

We had to make a stop at Target on the way out of Milwaukee and I noticed on the car ride to Target that my back was feeling really achy, but I chalked that up to hunching over when I feed Harrison, so I thought nothing of it. While Aaron ran into the store to pick up what we needed, I stayed in the car with the kids and called my mom to let her know we were on our way. I mentioned to her that my boob hurt really bad, and she asked if I was feeling sick at all. I said, "Not really," but mentioned my achy back and my mom asked if I had a fever. I said that I didn't think so, but that I could check my temp when we got to my parents' house. My mom suggested giving my doctor a call if things got worse, and then I told her we would be seeing her within an hour and a half.

In the twenty minutes or so from the time that I hung up with my mom until the time Aaron finally finished up inside Target, I went from feeling mildly achy to feeling downright shitty. My entire body ached and I was starting to feel some chills. I also took a peek at my breast and noticed that it had long, thin red streaks on it that weren't there before. I asked Aaron to feel my forehead to see if I felt warm to him, and he said that yes, I felt warm. I was worried about what this might mean (I had a feeling it might mean mastitis) so I called the clinic and had the OB/GYN on call paged and we continued our trek to my parents' house.

As the trip passed, my condition rapidly deteriorated. My entire body ached so much that I couldn't find a comfortable position in my seat and I was shaking even though the heat was on in the car. The OB/GYN that was filling in for Dr. Fab finally called me back about an hour after I had him paged, and I ran through my symptoms with him. He determined that my symptoms definitely sounded like mastitis, and even though he hadn't physically examined me, he wanted me to start on antibiotics as soon as I could, especially since I was traveling out of town. I gave the doctor the address of the Walgreen's pharmacy that is near to my parents' house so he could call in a script for me, and he told me to pump my breasts every few hours for the next several days to help clear up the infection but to dump the milk for the next couple of days, just in case.

By the time we arrived at my parents, my teeth were chattering from the chills I was experiencing and I felt sick enough that I considered going home. I snuck into my parents' bathroom to take my temperature, and it was 103. I quickly took some extra-strength Tylenol and grabbed my pump to try to relieve the pain I was feeling in my breasts. Much to my dismay, the pumping itself was extremely painful and I got almost no milk out of my left breast. After I had finished pumping, my mom tried to convince me to call the bed and breakfast to see if we could postpone our reservations, because, as she told me, a woman can get very sick from mastitis. I told her no, that the bed and breakfast had a 72-hour cancellation policy and we would have to pay for the room anyway and that I would probably feel better anyway once I started taking the antibiotics.

We ate a quick lunch with my parents and the kids (I had to force myself to eat because I had no appetite at all) and then Aaron and I left for Door County, stopping at Walgreen's on the way to pick up my medicine and some more Tylenol for the trip. Mercifully, the Tylenol that I had taken at my parents' house kicked in shortly thereafter and the two-hour ride from my parents' to the bed and breakfast was at least bearable and I was able to enjoy some nice quiet conversation with Aaron.

Our time in Door County was fine...the bed and breakfast was beautiful (and quiet, since peak season doesn't start until May), we had a very nice dinner at a quiet bistro, and we visited a lovely winery and tasted some fabulous wine (hey, since I had to pump and dump anyway, I figured I could have a few glasses of wine), but I felt pretty crappy all weekend. I was extremely tired and felt like I had a bad case of influenza all weekend. By the time we got home last evening, I was so wiped out that all I could do was sprawl out on the couch with Harrison laying on my chest and whine to Aaron that I wanted to go to bed.

The worst thing about this is that I have been faithfully pumping every three hours since Harrison was born and now I feel like I am back at square one. Every time I pump it is excrutiating and now it appears that both of my breasts are affected, so even though I pump for twenty minutes or more, I get less than an ounce of milk from each breast. And in the meantime, Harrison's appetite is more ravenous than ever--he has been averaging five ounces a feeding and with the way I am going, it will take me an entire day to pump what he needs for one meal.

I can't figure out what caused this...from the research I have done, it could be one of two things. It could be because I went several hours without pumping on Friday, or it could be because I nursed Harrison several times last week and the bacteria he has in his mouth made it through cracks in my nipples and caused the infection (this seems likely to me because I did have a couple of painful cracks in my nipples late last week, probably because Harrison never really latched on correctly while he was nursing). Either way, it sucks big time. The pumping hurts so much that I want to quit all together but then again, I feel selfish for thinking that way. This is the worst that I have felt, emotionally speaking, since Harrison was born.

I see Dr. Fab for my six-week postpartum check on Wednesday...we'll see what she has to say.

Two Words...

2009-04-05T18:48:00.000-05:00

Mastitis Sucks.

It especially sucks when it makes an appearance on the first day of your long-awaited getaway weekend with your husband.

More on this all later, when I start to recover.

Babies Make People Crazy

2009-04-01T14:00:00.002-05:00

What is it about babies that makes seemingly normal, sane adults turn into crazies? I don't remember noticing this phenomenon much when Grace was a baby (maybe because I was too busy panicking about all of the things I was sure I was doing wrong as a mother), but lately, I have been noticing what I call The Harrison Effect. My son turns some people into weirdos. Here are three scenarios that have taken place over the past few days to illustrate my point:

Scenario The First (as I was picking Grace up from school yesterday afternoon):

School Secretary: Oh, your poor baby! Having to come outside on such a nasty afternoon! He should be at home where it's warm! *tongue clicking*

My Reply: Oh I know. When is it going to be Spring already?

What I Wanted to Say: Yes, it sure is cold, rainy, and windy outside. However, my son is buckled in his car seat, dressed in a blanket sleeper and a knit cap, and completely covered in a large, heavy fleece blanket. See? And the visor on the car seat is pulled over him so that the rain can't get to him. And also, normally I walk with Harry the half block over here to pick Grace up from school, but because of today's craptastic weather, I chose to pack my son up in the car and drive the stinking half block and then search for a parking spot. And I had to make sure that parking spot was less than a half block away from the school entrance so I didn't negate the decision to drive over here instead of walking. Also, I could choose to leave my daughter here at school another hour so my husband could pick her up on his way home from work, but you all charge for each hour of after school care and I am not working right now, so I don't want to spend the extra money. So yes, the weather sucks and my infant son would probably be better off inside, but as you can see, I have taken all factors into consideration and this is my decision. Thanks for your concern. Also, bite me.

Scenario The Second (as I was picking Grace up from school on Monday):

School Principal (as she was LITERALLY wrestling Harrison away from me): Oh, a baby! Here, let me hold him for you! I can't wait to be a grandma!!

My Reply: Oh no, really, I'm fine! Thanks for offering! I'm in a rush to get Grace anyway because we have an appointment.

What I Wanted to Say: Really, are you serious? Get your mitts off of my child. I know you're the principal at my kid's school and you know how to handle children, but I have never spoken to you in my life and I'm not sure that you even know my kid that actually ATTENDS this school, so no, you're not holding my baby. And you're the principal at an ELEMENTARY school, so who knows what sorts of nasty sicknesses you're harboring after being sneezed on and coughed on and pawed all day by a bunch of young kids. And do you wash your hands after you use the bathroom? I don't know the answer to that, and I only let people hold Harrison if I KNOW that they wash their hands after they use the bathroom. Sorry. Also, we don't have an appointment...in fact, Grace and I are headed home to the couch to eat Oreo's and watch crappy Canadian cartoons on Qubo, but no matter. You're not holding my baby. Weirdo.

Scenario The Third (occurring virtually daily since bringing Harry home from the hospital):

Random Checkout Line Person/Fellow YMCA Member/Teacher, etc.: Oh, your baby is so TINY!!!

My Reply: Yes, he's a peanut! He was born four weeks early.

What I Want to Say: Oh, but he is so much bigger than he was at birth. And you telling me how tiny he is makes me so mad because he worked so hard to learn how to eat and he is doing so well now. He has gained two pounds since birth, so while he might seem little to you, he looks like a perfectly fat baby to me. And even though my son doesn't understand what you're saying, I do, and my feelings are now hurt enough for both of us. So please keep your comments about how TINY my baby is to yourself. Also, you're fat/your breath smells/your outfit is stupid, etc.

Ok, ok, I know it's possible that I might be a LITTLE sensitive these days, what with the postpartum hormones and the sleep deprivation and the huge life changes, and these people that have confronted me probably didn't have the intent to upset me. But they have managed to bug the hell out of me nonetheless. Of course, I felt much, much better today after I took Harrison to Target to pick up a prescription and the pharmacist oozed and gushed about how adorable my baby is (his perfect features! his beautiful eyes!). I suppose there are people out there who know the right things to say around new mamas.

Realization

2009-03-31T20:13:00.002-05:00

So I'm sitting here watching "The Biggest Loser" and surfing the Web when I should be sleeping (because Harry is sound asleep right now) and I read an entry on one of my favorite blogs, Finslippy, in which the author reports that her son recently had a fever of 111. Yeah, you read that right, and if you don't believe me, check out her entry. I told Aaron about what I had read and said, "If Grace had a fever of 111, I would flip my shit." And he said, "Yeah, I know you would."

And then I realized something. If Harrison had a fever that high, or anywhere near that high, that would also cause me to flip my shit. And then it sank in...I have two kids. I have twice the gripping fear, twice as many reasons to worry when sickness invades our home.

Crap.

Summer Dreams...

2009-03-30T12:48:00.005-05:00

After our first, largely unsuccessful attempt at having a vegetable garden last year, we are rethinking and replanning and restructuring with hopes that this year's garden will yield more veggies and less heartache. (We did learn a lot last year, like how you shouldn't wait until mid-June to plant and we did end up with a couple of HUGE cucumbers, so it wasn't a total loss.) Aaron has been busy planning out the garden and since we live in Wisconsin and our backyard currently looks like this:

we decided to go ahead and purchase some seed starter kits and get the garden started indoors now. A couple of weekends ago, Aaron and Grace planted beans and cukes and peppers in one of the kits, and already we are seeing some results.

Aaron and Grace finished planting the remaining four seed kits yesterday afternoon, so now we have our very own indoor garden growing in our living room.

All of this planting has kicked my cabin fever into overdrive. Yesterday afternoon our dining room smelled of fresh soil and all I could think of was kicking off my shoes and socks and walking around barefoot in the warm grass. I can't wait to be able to take these fledgling little plants out of these kits and get them into the ground outside, and I really can't wait to be able to pick and eat some tasty fresh veggies out of our garden.

Month One

2009-03-25T08:36:00.002-05:00

Happy one month birthday, Harrison. One month ago today you came into our lives, earlier than we had expected, and you changed everything. You have turned our worlds upside down...you keep us up at night, you keep us busy during the day, you keep us on our toes, and we are so, so happy to have you.

It's so cool to see your little personality developing. You love to just chill out, snuggling with Mommy or Daddy or Big Sister. You're happiest when someone is hugging you tight and nuzzling your soft cheeks. You hate to be messed with--you hate diaper changes and you REALLY hate baths and if Mommy happens to have cold or wet hands when she picks you up, you wrinkle up your little face and voice your disdain. And when you are awake, you love to just look around, soaking up everything you can about the world around you. You love to listen to what is going on around you and your little face lights up in interest when you hear us talking to you or to each other.

You've only been here one month, and already I can't imagine my life without you, my little man. I love you and you now and forever will occupy a very special place in my heart. How lovely it is to be your mama.

The Boob Question

2009-03-24T10:09:00.005-05:00

Lately there has been a lot of chatter on the mommy blogs and in the media about breastfeeding and whether or not it really is best for our babies. I'm a little late to this party since I am just getting around to posting about this issue now, but I wanted to throw my two cents out there, just for giggles. And, since I have a newborn at home, this issue is particularly close to my heart right now...

For those of you who haven't read the article that seems to have started this most recent conversation about breastfeeding, check it out here. It's a long article and parts of it irritated the crap out of me, but the thing that caught my attention was the author's assertion that there is no conclusive evidence that breastfeeding is better than formula feeding. According to the article,

"....After a couple of hours, the basic pattern became obvious: the medical literature looks nothing like the popular literature. It shows that breast-feeding is probably, maybe, a little better; but it is far from the stampede of evidence that Sears describes. More like tiny, unsure baby steps: two forward, two back, with much meandering and bumping into walls. A couple of studies will show fewer allergies, and then the next one will turn up no difference. Same with mother-infant bonding, IQ, leukemia, cholesterol, diabetes. Even where consensus is mounting, the meta studies—reviews of existing studies—consistently complain about biases, missing evidence, and other major flaws in study design. “The studies do not demonstrate a universal phenomenon, in which one method is superior to another in all instances,” concluded one of the first, and still one of the broadest, meta studies, in a 1984 issue of Pediatrics, “and they do not support making a mother feel that she is doing psychological harm to her child if she is unable or unwilling to breastfeed.”

So, given all of this, I find it interesting that many, many mothers, fathers, health care providers, and others go to such lengths to convince us all that breastfeeding is so much better than feeding our babies formula. In fact, I was hard pressed to find any good information and advice on formula feeding in any of my baby books or on the baby care websites I frequent, and in Aaron's favorite baby book, The Expectant Father, the author assumes that moms will nurse their babies and doesn't offer any wisdom on formula feeding at all to expectant dads. It's almost like society is making the decision for us, and I don't like that one bit. Isn't it up to my husband and me to decide what is best for our baby?

Now, I understand the benefits of breastfeeding. I understand that it is way, way more convenient than bottle feeding. I know that it provides an opportunity for precious, wonderful bonding time for moms and their children. I also recognize that there is a lot of evidence out there that shows that breast milk is superior to formula. For a lot of women, the decision to breastfeed their babies is a no-brainer. But what about the rest of us??

I nursed Gracie for less than two weeks before I quit. I didn't quit nursing because we couldn't do it...on the contrary, Grace was an eager eater and I had no trouble at all nursing her from the get-go. She had latched on successfully mere hours after she was born and had I decided to keep on nursing her, I have no doubts at all that we would have nursed successfully for as long as I wanted her to. However, my life situation was vastly different at that time. I didn't have the spousal support that I have now and there was so much other crap happening in my life at that time that nursing Grace was way too mentally taxing for me. I needed for someone else to be able to help me out with her feedings, and I wasn't educated enough about pumping and giving breast milk through a bottle at that time for that to be a feasible option for me. So, Grace started on formula at about two weeks of age and she never went back to breast milk. And I think she turned out just fine--she is a healthy, smart, happy, well-adjusted kid. In fact, she is sick way, way less than other kids her age...kids that were fed exclusively breast milk. There's my anecdotal evidence that maybe, just maybe, breast milk isn't SO much better at building kids' immune systems than formula is.

When I found out that I was pregnant with Harrison, Aaron and I had some serious heart-to-heart talks about nursing. Aaron wanted me to nurse our baby, but I was still harboring some negative feelings about the experience from the short time I nursed Grace and I wasn't sold on the idea. I promised Aaron that I would make a concerted effort to nurse our new baby but made no promises. So, after Harrison was born and we discovered that he is tongue-tied and physically cannot achieve a good latch-on (well, he might be able to if we clipped his frenulum, but we're not going there yet), the decision was not about whether or not I should nurse, but rather about whether or not I should pump and offer Harry breast milk through the bottle. We decided to go ahead with the pumping, but even with me pumping every three hours or so, Harrison's appetite is way ahead of my supply so we started supplementing with formula for a few feedings each day. Do I feel bad that my baby isn't receiving exclusively breast milk? Not at all. On the contrary, I am thrilled that our little guy has such an awesome appetite and I am happy to feed him breast milk when we have enough available, but I am just as happy to be able to provide him with formula when the breast milk stores are running low.

There's another facet to this as well. One downside of nursing exclusively is that it leaves dads out of the feeding process. Sure, there are lots and lots of other ways for dads to bond with their children apart from feeding them, but there is just something about watching Aaron feeding Harrison that makes me so happy that both of them have that opportunity. And, our parents and siblings are able to feed Harry, too, when they are visiting us, and I know they cherish that time with our little guy since they don't get to see him that often. Yes, mother/child bonding is extremely important, but so is father/child bonding, and grandparent/child bonding, etc. Even Harrison's pediatrician has told me on more than one occasion that he agrees with our decision to pump and supplement because of the opportunity it gives Aaron to feed Harrison.

And then there's the question of going back to work full time while nursing and/or pumping. I would agree that nursing would be more convenient for stay at home moms, but for those of us that work outside the home, there are definite and real obstacles to nursing/pumping. I have to go back to work at twelve weeks postpartum and my employer does not have a room exclusively for pumping. Sure, we have a "women's lounge" that some of my coworkers have utilized for pumping in the past, but how comfortable am I going to feel pumping twice or three times a day while whomever strolls through the lounge on their way to the restroom? Should I go out to my car to pump instead? And will my supervisor allow me a few fifteen-minute breaks each day to go and pump? I'm not saying that these things will absolutely keep me from pumping--in fact, I plan to keep right on pumping once I go back to work--but these obstacles will make things more difficult for me. (Side note...Canada offers new moms one year of maternity leave. One year. We get twelve stinking weeks, and that's only if we've been employed with our employers full-time for more than a year and our employers employ more than 50 employees. Maybe it's time we take a queue from our neighbors to the north.)

I guess what I am saying is that the decision to breastfeed or not to breastfeed, like all decisions when it comes to parenting, is a personal decision. For many parents, it's not an easy choice or one that is clear-cut, but at least let's get the facts out there so that the decision can maybe be a little easier for those that are on the fence. Let's remind everyone that if parents decide not to breastfeed their children, they are not causing their children any harm. Let's remember that there are so many facets to parenting in addition to feeding, and succeeding in all of those areas together make a happy and healthy child.

EDD

2009-03-22T17:18:00.004-05:00

Today is my original due date...Harrison was due today. He had his own ideas about this, though...

And here I am, snuggling my little man and thanking my lucky stars I didn't have to push an eight-plus pounder out of my va-jay-jay.

The Fog

2009-03-21T09:23:00.003-05:00

When do babies start sleeping through the night? I have vague memories of going back to work at six weeks postpartum with Gracie and still having to wake up twice or three times a night with her at that point, but I am *hoping* that my memory is cloudy and she was sleeping through the night by then. Pretty sure that's not the case, though...

So Harrison is on a three to four-hour eating schedule, and unfortunately he keeps that schedule both day and night. I took Harry in to the pediatrician on Wednesday for his three-week checkup and his doctor was amazed at his progress...this is the kid who refused to eat when he was a couple of days old, but who is now eagerly eating four (sometimes even five) ounces at a clip and has gained darn near two pounds since birth. Yes, this is a very good thing...Harrison is now on pace with babies his age that were born at term and he's making a near-vertical climb up the growth curb. But damn, this is exhausting.

Gotta jet...Gracie is telling me that I have had enough "computer time" for today...

Life With a Baby

2009-03-17T08:03:00.002-05:00

So, I know my posting has been scant over the past few weeks, but there's a newborn in the hizzy and I haven't had much time to shower, let alone sit down for a few minutes and think of something (sorta) brilliant to blog about. So here is my feeble attempt to update y'all on My New Life...

Harrison has morphed from feeble preemie into full-fledged newborn, eating and pooping and sleeping on a semi-predictable schedule. He has been eating every 2-3 hours or so during the day, and at night sometimes he sleeps for a 4-hour stretch (although that doesn't happen often), and he has been averaging 3-4 ounces of breastmilk per feeding. I am still pumping every three hours to keep up with Harrison's demand, although I ran into a snag when I had to return my rented hospital-grade pump back to the hospital and I purchased a less-than-stellar electric double pump and my milk supply slowly started to dwindle. Because of this, we decided to bite the bullet and buy the Medela Pump-in-Style last night, so hopefully that takes care of the problem, otherwise we'll be stuck with a very expensive pump and some serious feelings of inadequacy.

Other than that, Harrison is doing really well. He is awake for longer stretches now, so we are able to spend time chatting with him (well, chatting AT him) and gazing into those beautiful eyes. And, although I know it is probably gas, I swear he smiles at me as he drifts off to sleep in my arms...that makes all of the sleepless nights more than worth it.

Lots of people have asked me how Grace is doing with a new brother, and my answer is always, "Better than we expected." Sure, we did have a couple of rough days at the beginning (the first time she saw me kiss Harrison, she said, "You don't love me," and then she ripped my heart out of my chest and tore it into bite-sized pieces. Just kidding about the last part.), but on the whole, she has been doing pretty darn well. She did sleep on her own in her room for several nights in a row right after Harry came home, but now she is back to falling asleep in her room and then coming in by us during the night, and that seems to be working out all right for now. And, she has pretty much gotten over the initial jealousy that she was feeling and even offers to help me out with diaper changes and baths. The best thing ever, though, is when it's time for her to say goodbye or good night to Harrison, and she gives him a little kiss on the head and says, "I love you, little brudder." Cutest thing ever.

And, Aaron and I are slowly but surely adjusting to the sleep deprivation and busy lifestyle that come with having a baby. I did have a mild case of the baby blues the first week or so after we got home, but I must be getting used to my new sleep schedule (or the hormones are wearing off a bit) because I have been feeling pretty okay for the past few days. Now I just need to find time to take a nice, hot shower and maybe grab, like, six hours of uninterrupted sleep...

In Defense of Co-Sleeping

2009-03-10T13:17:00.005-05:00

Recently, a tragic story broke in the Milwaukee area in which a six-day old girl died while sleeping with her mother. (Link to story here.) Even more tragic is the fact that this same mother lost a child last April, apparently due to the same cause--co-sleeping with her child. Losing a child would be the most painful thing that I think I could possibly fathom, but losing two kids would be enough to land me in a mental hospital for the rest of my living days. I just wouldn't be able to move on. So, before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I am very sympathetic to this mother and that I am NOT judging her, because really, I just can't imagine the pain she is going through right now and my heart is breaking for her.

This story has the anti-family bed peeps foaming at the mouth, I'm sure. Here is just another instance of how those damn liberals and hippies are putting their kids in danger and leading them to death's door by allowing them to share a bed with their parents!! When will they ever learn??!?!

Except here's the thing...this mother admitted to police after her child died that she had gone to a party, gotten drunk, and didn't even remember picking up her children from their sitter or bringing them home. She didn't remember where she had put her poor child to sleep, but said that it was possible that she fell asleep on the couch with the baby. Her other baby that died last year is reported to have fallen asleep under the same type of circumstances.

Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows that I am a proponent of co-sleeping. I shared a bed with Grace for the first two years of her life and I don't regret a moment of it. And, even though co-sleeping is not a goal of ours with Harrison, I have to say that I won't be upset if it happens. I believe that co-sleeping is a great way for parents to have extra time connecting with their children at the end of the day, and if it is done safely, the family bed can have many benefits for both the child and the parents.

That is the key--it must be done safely. Apart from making sure that your bed doesn't have any guardrails or other obstacles that could potentially trap your child, the number one thing to remember when co-sleeping is that you should never, ever, sleep with your child if you're under the influence of alcohol or drugs. According to askdrsears.com, "If you are drunk or drugged, these chemicals lessen your arousability from sleep." In other words, if you are so drunk that you don't even remember coming home from a party, you probably will not wake up automatically if you roll over on your baby and smother him or her. Dr. Sears also says, "Parents should use common sense when sharing sleep. Anything that could cause you to sleep more soundly than usual or that alters your sleep patterns can affect your baby's safety. Nearly all the highly suspected (but seldom proven) cases of fatal "overlying" I could find in the literature could have been avoided if parents had observed common sense sleeping practices."

Again, I don't want it to seem like I am judging this poor mother, but it seems to me that common sense was not exercised in this tragic case. A vast majority of us parents who make the decision to allow our children to sleep in our beds with us do put our children's safety first and we ensure that we are taking all of the proper precautions we should take in order to keep everyone safe. We really do believe that we are making the right decision for our family by co-sleeping and we are not just choosing to do it because we want to spoil our kids. I'd encourage anyone who would rush to judge parents (based on this one tragic story) who share a bed with their kids to do some more research and reconsider the facts...again, according to Dr. Sears, "Research shows that infants who sleep in a crib are twice as likely to suffer a sleep related fatality (including SIDS) than infants who sleep in bed with their parents."

Birth Story Part Four: The Arrival

2009-03-08T20:06:00.002-05:00

Tater's trip down the birth canal was harder than average although the actual pushing phase of my labor was really quite short...all in all, I pushed anywhere from 15 to 20 minutes, depending on who you ask (Aaron says 15, I say 20). As I stated in my previous installment, my dilation occurred very, very rapidly at the end. I was at 6 cm at 2:15pm, and by 2:35-ish, I was fully dilated and ready to push.

But I didn't need anyone to tell me that I was fully dilated...all of a sudden, I felt this incredible, tremendous, undeniable urge to push and honestly, after all of those hours of waiting, that urge felt good. That urge is so hard to describe--it's the most powerful, earth-shattering thing and there is no escaping it once it hits. I screamed at my doctor and anyone that would listen that I needed to push RIGHT NOW and after that final cervical check was done and I was made to wait through one more agonizing contraction, I was given permission to push.

It took me a couple of pushes to get my bearings and remember how to push effectively, but once I got the hang of it, it was like second nature. I tried to get in three good pushes with each contraction (it was like push--breathe--push--breathe--push--cleansing breath), and with each push, I could feel Tater moving further and further down into the birth canal. The pain was excruciating but I could no longer feel the pain in my back. I mentioned this between contractions to Cheryl and she said that the baby was probably rotating into the proper position as he made his way down.

After only a few contractions, I began to have that unmistakable "ring of fire" sensation and I was excited for a few moments because I knew the moment was at hand and Tater would be born soon. I remember being extremely frightened of that sensation when Grace was born and actually pulling back a bit from my pushing efforts, but this time, even though I was in tons and tons of pain, I was able to pull myself together and force myself to literally push through the pain. With the help of the nurses, I grabbed the backs of my thighs, put my chin to my chest, and screamed until I was hoarse through those last few pushes. Suddenly, I was able to see Tater's head and I was being told to pant instead of push--Tater's cord was wrapped around his neck so I needed to stop pushing for a moment so Dr. Fab could pull it off. Then, once I was given the ok to push again, his head was out, and then one push later, the rest of him came. Harrison Glen was born at 2:54pm.

The first thing I said after Harrison was born was, "That's so much better," and that drew laughter from everyone in the room, but I wasn't just talking about the pain being gone (although that was WONDERFUL). After having a miscarriage last year and after having a rough third trimester with this pregnancy, I was just so, so thankful to actually be able to see my son at last and know that he was all right.

After Harrison was born, Dr. Fab told us that she wanted him to go right over to the nurses because he was a little pale (really pale, actually), and of course Aaron and I consented. Aaron and I took a few moments to congratulate each other and cry together, and then I sent Aaron over to the warmer to be with Harrison while Dr. Fab finished up with me. I was still in some pain after the delivering Harrison, but the delivery of the placenta was mercifully easy (I didn't even have to push--Dr. Fab just kind of gently pulled it out) and after Dr. Fab examined me, she determined that I wouldn't need any stitches at all. I had torn only about 1 mm and she said that the tear was so small that it wasn't even worth fixing, so I was super thankful that I would be able to walk away from this delivery without even a stitch much less an episiotomy. (Almost two weeks postpartum now, I know that this made a HUGE difference in my recovery. The pain isn't nearly what it was last time, when I needed several stitches.)

Once I was cleaned up a bit and I was left alone, I rolled over onto my side and watched the nurses and Aaron with Harrison. I overheard that his weight was 6 lbs. 4 oz. and I was glad for that, especially since he was almost four weeks early. His APGAR scores were 7 and 8, and again, I was happy with that, especially given how pale he looked to me and the fact that he was a preemie. I watched Aaron's first moments with his son, and he just exuded happiness and pride as he talked to Harrison and took in the enormity of the moment. He was (and still is) the definition of the Proud Daddy.

It was decided that Harry would need to go to the nursery for a few hours because his blood pressure was lower than the nurses would have liked to see, but before he went, Aaron and I each had an opportunity to hold him for a while. I remember being really concerned about having enough love for another child (I love my daughter so much, after all, that loving another child THAT much seemed incomprehensible to me), but that fear melted away as soon as Harrison was placed in my arms. The love that I felt for him was immediate and all-consuming, and I learned that a mother's love has no limits. I spent a few precious moments holding my new son before passing him off to Aaron who held Harry for a while before he was taken to the nursery.

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Harrison ended up spending more than a few hours in the NICU--he actually ended up spending three nights there. His blood pressure rebounded after he was given a bolus of IV fluids, but the concern then became his eating...because he was a preemie, he wasn't able to learn to suck effectively and ended up needing an NG tube for his feedings until he was three days old, when miraculously he started to eat on his own and we were able to pull the tube.

(The whole eating thing did not come easily for him, though. I had fully planned on breastfeeding Harry, despite not having the best of luck nursing Gracie, but Harry is tongue-tied [his frenulum, the little piece of skin under his tongue, is longer than it should be and his tongue is more attached to the bottom of his mouth than it should be], which makes nursing nearly impossible since he is not able to achieve a good latch onto my breast. It also makes any attempt at nursing extremely painful. Our pediatrician told us that if we wanted to, we could have Harrison's frenulum clipped and he might be able to nurse, but honestly, I am not so married to the idea of actually nursing him that I feel the need to put him through more pain and possibly subject him to short-term eating issues. So we are not having his frenulum clipped, at least not right now. I am pumping every three hours and Aaron and I are both feeding Harrison my breast milk through a bottle.)

The other issue Harrison had in his first few days was jaundice. For some reason, Harry's trip down the birth canal left him with a huge, painful bruise on the back of his head--many people that saw him actually asked if Dr. Fab used a vacuum extractor on him because his poor little head was so bruised and misshapen--and it took Harrison's body a lot of time to reabsorb that blood and his liver was not able to handle it all at once, so the jaundice set in. This bought him several days on a phototherapy bed, not to mention lots of trips to the lab for heel sticks. and we were finally able to get rid of that all late last week. Thank goodness.

The bruise that he had on his head is still somewhat of a mystery to me. The bruise is gone now and his head has a wonderful round shape, but it was nasty for a few days. The best explanation that I have been able to get is that he was so high in my pelvis for most of my labor and then made such a rapid descent down the birth canal that his head was put through some pretty major trauma in a short amount of time. Also, both my doctor and the nurse that attended me during labor observed that I have a really small pelvis and that I probably wouldn't be able to deliver a baby over 7 pounds naturally, so that might have had something to do with it as well. Either way, the bruise caused Harrison more than just a bad headache.

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We have had Harrison home for a week now, and I have had lots of time to reflect on my birthing experience. Overall, it was a good one...for anyone in the Milwaukee area who is looking for a hospital to deliver their baby, I would highly, highly recommend the hospital where I delivered. The staff, both in L&D and in the NICU, was absolutely wonderful. They made me feel supported and cared for each step of the way and they made a difficult time for our family much more bearable. And, I am so, so glad that I decided to follow Dr. Fab to her new clinic and hospital. I really don't think I could have asked for a better or more attentive OB to lead me through this whole process. I made the right decision on that one.

I also wanted to mention one other person who I could not have done this without, and that is Aaron. I get teased occasionally because I tend to ooze and gush about my husband and how awesome he is on my blog and on my Facebook page, but man, I gotta give credit where it's due. I know this pregnancy was not easy on him, especially since this was his first time going through this and I know that he was afraid both for me and for Harrison. But, he was my rock throughout my pregnancy and he didn't falter during labor and delivery either. He was there for me every second that I needed him to be during labor and he did exactly what I needed him to do without me having to tell him. He joked with me and made me laugh when I needed to laugh, but he knew when I didn't want to joke around anymore and he let me be serious and quiet when I needed to be. He coached me through each contraction and reminded me that I am strong, even when I felt like I was at my weakest. And after Harry was born, he spent a lot of time reassuring me that everything was going to be all right when I'm sure he was just as scared as I was. I just can't imagine going through this experience with anyone else. Thanks, Aar, for being your usual awesome self.

So, that's it! Harrison is home, we're sleep deprived, and we're loving every minute of it.

Birth Story Part Three: Epidural, Schmepidural

2009-03-06T08:11:00.005-06:00

Disclaimer: This is the part of the story in which the shit hits the fan. If you are at all squeamish about bodily fluids or talk of a screaming woman, you probably shouldn't read this particular post and just maybe wait to read the next installment, where baby is born. If that stuff doesn't bother you, read on...

So, my water broke at 7:05am and I wasn't even sure that is what happened at first, so I decided to call the nurse to see if she could help me out of bed to go to the bathroom. My new nurse, Cheryl, came in, and as I walked to the bathroom I left a trail of clear fluid behind me, and Cheryl said, "Yup, you're definitely ruptured." My heart soared, because this was my first tangible evidence that labor was underway. I also noticed as I walked that I was feeling A LOT more pressure on my bottom, and I considered this a good sign as well. In fact, the pressure was so strong that I had to stop and take several breaks on the way from the bathroom back to my bed to collect myself. Cheryl commented that I was definitely committed to having that baby today now that my water had broken, and I silently laughed at the nurse from the night before who suggested I might be going home to wait it out.

My contractions were also starting to pick up quite a bit. I was expecting this--when I went through my induction with Gracie, the one thing that managed to rocket me into labor was my water breaking, so I was prepared for labor to take off with a bang once that happened this time as well. I made Aaron take this opportunity to go down to the cafeteria to grab something to eat, since I wasn't sure that he would have that chance over the lunch hour. And, although my contractions were coming more frequently, they still weren't at the point where I felt I needed Aaron to coach me through them. I also called my parents to let them know what was happening, and I told them to go ahead and take Grace to school since I wasn't sure the baby would arrive before the end of her school day anyway.

Dr. Fab came in at 8:00am as promised, and she was pleased to hear about my progress. She informed me that another dose of Cytotech would definitely not be necessary at this point. She also brought up something neither of us had considered...the fact that I had had cryotherapy on my cervix a couple of years ago (about a year after I delivered Gracie--I had some precancerous cells on my cervix and they were removed). Dr. Fab mentioned that she thought of this after my 4:00am check and told me that because of the cryotherapy, there was scar tissue on my cervix and that was making it difficult for my cervix to dilate at the same rate a normal cervix would. At this point she checked me again, and sure enough, I was still only dilated 1 cm. Crap.

Cheryl, my wonderful nurse, told me that in cases like this when there is cervical scarring, the cervix tends to "pop" open after several hours of labor and then dilation occurs very rapidly. She also asked me what I had been thinking of in terms of pain medication, and I told her that although I hadn't ruled out having an epidural completely, that I would like to try other methods of pain control before going that route. Cheryl then brought me the consent form that I would need to sign should I decide to have an epidural and told me that I could sign it then and then if I decided that I didn't want the epidural, we could just tear the form up. She also warned me that with circumstances being what they were with my cervix, things could go very quickly and that if I was feeling the need for the epidural, I should ask for it right away so they could start pushing the fluids I would need immediately. The nice thing was that there was no pressure involved in what she was saying...it was purely informational and non-judgemental.

Before Dr. Fab left to head into the office, she decided to place a pressure catheter in my uterus to measure the strength of my contractions since she didn't feel that the external monitor was doing a good enough job of tracking them. Having her place that was very painful, especially when I would have a contraction, and I whimpered a bit as it was placed. She also attempted to place a scalp monitor on Tater's head to better monitor his heartrate (since again, they had such trouble tracking it via the external monitor), but she was not able to do so because I had not dilated enough. Dr. Fab said that she was going to head into the office for the morning but that she would be back at noon to check on things. She told me to feel free to relieve her of her morning appointments before then if I wanted to, and I laughed.

As the morning progressed, my contractions became strong enough that I needed Aaron to coach me through them and help me breathe through them. I was even getting to the point where it was helpful to moan through the contractions, and Aaron encouraged me to let it out and do what I needed to do to feel better. In fact, the contractions were strong enough and frequent enough that I asked for a dose of Nubain (I LOVE Nubain) mid-morning, and that took the edge off of the contractions for a while and actually relaxed me so much that I fell fast asleep between contractions. The only bad thing was that even though my contractions were strong and frequent and I had established an active labor pattern, they were still spaced out and they were not becoming more frequent--they had been coming every two to four minutes all morning. At this point, Cheryl suggested a "whiff" of Pitocin, just to pick things up a bit. I agreed, and Cheryl paged Dr. Fab to see what she thought, but Dr. Fab said that she wanted to wait until she came in at noon to see what kind of progress I was making before going that route.

Noon came, and so did Dr. Fab. She noticed that my contractions were getting much stronger (both from the readings from the pressure catheter and from my moaning and yelling through contractions) and so she did another cervical check--2 cm. I couldn't believe it. I was so disgusted. From what I remembered from my labor with Grace, I was having these types of contractions when I was heading into transition, and I was terrified that if I was feeling this way at 2 cm, I would feel much, much worse as my labor progressed. I expressed my frustration at the situation, and Dr. Fab gave me my options. I could wait things out to see if labor picked up even more on its own (which could take hours) or we could go ahead and try the Pitocin to see if we could speed things up. I didn't even hesitate...I wanted the Pitocin, and before I got the Pitocin, I wanted the epidural. I was exhausted, I was in tons of pain, and I wanted things to be over with. I handed my signed consent form to Cheryl and she immediately pushed IV fluids to get me ready. I was very excited that relief would surely be on the way soon.

The one thing that no one mentioned to me was that if cervical dilation occurs very quickly, sometimes an epidural doesn't have time to catch up and it offers only very slight, if any, relief. I suppose in hindsight I would have still gone ahead with the epidural had I known this, but part of me wishes I would have known because I would have had the proper expectations. I was fully expecting to feel tons of relief once the epidural was administered and I thought I would be able to maybe catch a quick nap while I finished dilating.

I was wrong. At 12:45pm, the anesthesiologist came in to administer the epidural which was an excrutiating process in and of itself. For one thing, my contractions were stronger than ever and we had to keep pausing so I could holler my way through another one before they could continue. And, because of my terrible back pain, I couldn't sit well at the angle that the anesthesiologist needed me to in order to thread the catheter into my spine, so she ended up having to do the procedure twice. Again, I didn't care so much about that because compared with the contractions, the epidural felt like a bee sting, and I was so sure that I would feel so much better afterwards, I would be willing to do anything. Once the epidural was finally in place, the Pitocin was started.

But for some reason, relief was no where in sight. The first couple of contractions I had after the epidual was placed were a little more manageable--I had to control my breathing through them and I felt a lot of pressure, but the pain wasn't as acute as it had been in the hour or so before. However, after two or three manageable contractions, the pain kicked back in with a vengance and soon I was yelling through my contractions again. Cheryl asked me if I was feeling pressure or pain and I screamed, "BOTH!!" I told her that I didn't think the epidural was doing anything anymore. I felt so angry and desperate and nothing was helping me with the pain anymore. Cheryl went to get Dr. Fab (who had brought her lunch to the hospital with her because she had a feeling things would progress quickly once the Pitocin was started) and another cervical check was done. Suddenly, I was at 4 cm. It was 1:45pm.

Things started to happen very quickly after that. The room started filling up with equipment. Nurses and Dr. Fab were rushing around, putting on scrubs, warming up the incubator, and checking on baby's heartrate. I continued to feel each and every contraction, except now that they were bolstered by the Pitocin, they were much, much closer together and much more intense than they were before. I did the best I could to follow Aaron's lead and breathe effectively through each contraction, but as they peaked, I abandoned any attempt to control myself and just let myself holler as loud as I could until they were over. Cheryl tried to get me to breathe and relax as well, but as any woman who has ever been through labor knows, any attempts at logic or gaining control once you hit transition are futile. All that I could do was hold on to Aaron as tightly as I could and stare at his face as intently as I could to try to keep myself tethered.

At 2:15pm, Dr. Fab checked me again because I was starting to feel A LOT of pressure on my bottom and I was at 6 cm. Then, less than 20 minutes later, I had dilated to almost 10 cm and I was getting ready to push.

Cheryl was absolutely right. My cervix had popped.

Birth Story Part Two: Waiting with Barack

2009-03-04T08:23:00.005-06:00

We arrived at the hospital at 2:00pm and breezed through registration, thanks to the fact that I had preregistered weeks ago and the hospital was remarkably on the ball and actually had all of my paperwork ready when we arrived. After registration, an elderly volunteer came down to take me to my room in a wheelchair, which seemed silly to me. After all, I wasn't sick, I wasn't in labor, I wasn't even having strong contractions, but the lady was so nice and seemed to enjoy what she was doing, so I humored her.

Aaron and I arrived at our room and my nurse came to check me in. I was told to change into a hospital gown and then I was put on the external monitors so the baby's heartbeat could be checked. After a good 30 minutes of pushing and prodding at my belly, the nurse was FINALLY able to locate Tater's heartbeat. (This would be a common occurrence while I was in labor...we would pick up baby's heartbeat for a little while, but every time I would shift position, we'd lose his heartbeat again and it would take FOREVER for the nurses to be able to find him again. Super frustrating. The nurses and Dr. Fab couldn't figure out why the heartbeat was so hard to find. Turns out the baby was posterior for much of my labor and he was really, really high up in my pelvis until the very end of things.) An IV line was started, and I settled in to my bed to wait for the induction to begin.

At 4:00pm, Dr. Fab came in to give me my first dose of Cytotech, which felt like nothing much at all. She also checked my cervix and indicated that things hadn't changed much in that department, although she seemed pretty confident that this first dose would get things underway pretty quickly. Dr. Fab told me that she was going to head back to the office and then she was going grocery shopping and then home to make dinner, but that she would be back by 8:00pm to administer the second dose if it was necessary. I felt really, really thankful that my doctor was going to be doing this herself instead of leaving it all to the nurses. And then Dr. Fab left us to wait...

And wait, and wait, and wait...waiting for labor to start is like waiting for the grass to grow. You know it's happening and you know that eventually you will have something beautiful to look at very soon, but it can't happen fast enough.

We made a few phone calls and watched some TV while we waited, and we noticed that President Obama would be making a nationally televised speech to Congress that night, so we decided that we would watch that when the time came. I talked with my brother-in-law, who is as staunch a Conservative as I am a Liberal (but who I love anyway), on the phone and teased him that if the baby would be born during Barack's speech, we were going to name the baby Barack Hussein. However, I still wasn't feeling any strong contractions, so I told him that wasn't likely.

And I was right. Barack's speech started and by this time I had gotten tired of laying in bed (and frankly I was getting frustrated that I was not able to get up and move around), so I moved to the recliner in the room and the nurse propped me up with pillows and placed a warm rice sock behind my back. My back was killing me at this point, and each contraction that I was having--they were coming every few minutes or so, but they were pretty easy to handle--was felt in my back more than in my abdomen. Dr. Fab came back as promised at 8:00pm, decked out in scrubs and her glasses, to place the second dose of Cytotech. I was surprised and very pleased to learn that Dr. Fab was planning to stay at the hospital all night to monitor my progress. We chatted for a bit about Barack and his speech, and Aaron told me that when I was in the bathroom at one point, Dr. Fab commented that her kids often ask her why they are the only Democrats at their private school, and Dr. Fab told them, "It's because we care about people." Love it.

When Dr. Fab placed my second dose she also did a cervical check, and I was not happy at all to hear that I had not dilated at all because I had been feeling regular contractions. But, Dr. Fab was encouraged because although dilation wasn't occurring, my cervix was thinning and changing. She mentioned again that often it can take two to three doses of medication to get things moving so she assured me that when she came back to check me at midnight, there would be more change. She offered the idea that a third dose might not even be necessary. She reminded me that we were basically starting at zero, so I should be patient and try to get some rest if I could. She also rechecked my BP and was happy to see that it had dropped to normal levels. Aaron told her that was because this was the first time in my pregnancy that I have actually laid down for several hours, and Dr. Fab told him that she believed that.

I stayed in the recliner for a bit longer and tried to sleep for a bit, and then when shift change came and my night nurse came to introduce herself, I decided to move back to my bed. My new nurse did a check of my vital signs, and again my BP was well within normal limits. My contractions were still coming every two to five minutes or so but they were not increasing in intensity at all and they were tending to peter out a bit before receiving another dose of Cytotech. The nurse commented that she wouldn't be surprised at all if the doctor decided to send me home and let me wait a few more days, since my BP was fine, and I hated her for even suggesting that notion. I was there, I had made all the arrangements I needed to make for Grace, and I was not leaving without my new baby.

Midnight came, and Dr. Fab came in to administer dose number three of the Cytotech. When she checked me this time, she was able to get her fingertip through my cervix so there was progress there, and my cervix was continuing to thin out. She also mentioned that baby was still floating really high in my pelvis, and I asked her if this was why I was feeling so much pain in my back (it was pretty nasty at this point). Dr. Fab said that she didn't think so, but she brought up the possibility that baby was posterior and this could be causing my back pain. She reminded me again that I should try to rest as much as possible and to drink plenty of fluids because things could progress quickly now that the third dose had been placed. I agreed and bid her adieu until 4:00am.

Aaron was fast asleep on the pull-out bed at this point, and I was so glad that one of us was going to be rested up, because I certainly was not able to get any decent sleep. My contractions were just strong enough and frequent enough to wake me up if I did happen to doze off. And, the suggestion that the nurse made that I might go back home was frustrating enough to keep me stewing. How dare she mention such a thing!! Still, I did my best to rest as much as I could...I even put The Weather Channel on the TV in an attempt to lull myself to sleep, and it worked sometimes, but mostly I just laid in bed and watched the clock.

4:00am came and so did Dr. Fab. She asked me if my contractions were getting any stronger and I dejectedly told her no and I told her that I thought things were supposed to pick up after three doses. She suggested another cervical check to see how I was progressing, and she was pleased (more than I was) to discover that I had dilated to 1 cm and that I had a good amount of bloody show. She told me that although this didn't seem like much to me, it did indicate good progress. I asked her if she was going to administer yet another dose of Cytotech and she said that she would, but she was convinced that this would be my last dose.

And it was. My water broke at 7:05am, and then things got interesting.

Birth Story Part One: A Commonplace Miracle

2009-03-03T08:17:00.000-06:00

Tuesday, February 24th:

Last week Tuesday I had the first of my biweekly scheduled NST's along with my weekly prenatal checkup with Dr. Fab. Before my appointment that day, I was busy at work, setting up calls with my client contacts to introduce them to my colleague that would be replacing me when I would be going on maternity leave. I didn't feel particularly bad or anything--I was just feeling really, really tired, but I chalked that up to the fact that we had made our pre-baby trip to Costco the night before and that took a lot out of me.

When Aaron and I arrived at the clinic, the nurse took my BP--161/100. I groaned, but I thought that maybe after sitting for a while for my NST, they could recheck my BP and it surely would come down a bit. So, we completed about half of the NST (Tater looked great), and then my nurse rechecked my BP--it was 160/104. Ugh. We decided to wait until the end of the NST to check it again, just in case, but again, it was elevated enough to be considered severe, so the nurse went to alert Dr. Fab. The nurse mentioned on the way out the door that she would probably be coming back to help me schedule an induction. Once we were alone, Aaron and I ventured some guesses as to when my induction date would be and we mentioned how glad we were that we had had a chance to get a lot of our pre-baby shopping done the night before. We felt a little more prepared now that we had finished that up.

I frowned at Dr. Fab as she came in the room because I could see that she was concerned, and she looked at both Aaron and I and said, "So, is today Baby Day?" It took me a minute to process what she had said, but when I recovered, all I could ask was, "Today?" I looked at Aaron and I thought for a moment that he might fall out of his seat. Dr. Fab told us that she was extremely concerned about my BP, especially since it didn't come down at all after I had been resting for more than thirty minutes. She told us that since I was 36w2d and had been consistently measuring two weeks big, baby would be considered preterm but that the risks of keeping him inside much longer far outweighed the benefits. She said Tater might have to spend an extra day or two in the nursery but that he would most likely be perfectly fine.

At this point, Aaron spoke up. I could tell that he was a bit frustrated because Dr. Fab and I were throwing around terms and acronyms that he wasn't familiar with (this was his first time going through this, after all), and he said, "Wait a minute. You're speaking in code. Are we having the baby today?" Dr. Fab told him yes, that I would be induced that day. She explained that if my BP stayed at the level it was at or went even higher, several bad things could happen. I could seize. I could have a stroke. My placenta could abrupt and we would lose the baby. I watched Aaron's face change as this all sunk in, and he quickly agreed that we needed to get the show on the road so that none of that would happen.

My head was buzzing, processing all of this as Dr. Fab checked my cervix to get a baseline and figure out the best method of induction. I was very, very slightly dilated (Dr. Fab called it "not even a fingertip"), but I was about 50% effaced, so that was something. Since I had not dilated much at all, Dr. Fab said Pitocin was out because she only likes to use that if the patient is dilated a few centimeters. So the method of induction would be a series of Cytotech pills that she would place in my cervix every four hours to force dilation. Dr. Fab mentioned that it might take a couple of doses to get things moving, but she assured me that women rarely need more than three doses to achieve to an active labor pattern.

Dr. Fab asked us when we could be at the hospital, and I asked her if we would be able to head home to pack our bag before heading over there (we were planning to pack our bag that very night). She said yes, so I told her we would arrive at the hospital around 2:00pm (it was noonish at this point). She left the room to make the calls to arrange everything and alert the hospital that we would be on our way, and then she sent me down to the lab to have the pre-eclampsia labs repeated, just in case. (If the gestational hypertension had morphed into pre-eclampsia, I would need to be on IV mag for labor and delivery, so she wanted to find this out before we arrived at the hospital.)

I sent Aaron on his way before I headed to the lab, because he wanted to stop at work and alert his boss about what was happening, and then I sat and waited for my blood to be drawn. An eternity passed before I was finally called back, and when they finally finished up, I rushed out to my car and started making phone calls. My first thought was of Gracie...she was at school and would need to be picked up and taken care of for the next few days. I called my dad, who told me that he had already spoken with Aaron and was aware of what was happening, and that he would be more than happy to come down to Milwaukee to pick Grace up from school. He told me that he and my mom would spend the night at our house with Gracie and that I shouldn't worry about anything. He asked me how I was feeling and I said, "Terrified," (because I really, really was) and then I cried for a while. My dad offered me some much-needed words of encouragement, and then I made a couple more calls on my way home, mostly to tie up some loose ends at work. Finally I called Grace's school to talk to her to let her know what was going to be happening, and to let her teacher know that my parents would be handling school pickups and dropoffs for the next few days.

Aaron hadn't arrived at home yet when I got there, so I took the opportunity to update my blog and send a couple of quick emails, and then I started packing. I planned to be at the hospital two or three nights (depending on how the induction went), so I just packed a few shirts and some comfy pants. When Aaron got home, he finished up the packing while I unpacked our new baby car seat so that we could get that in the car. After a whirlwind of checking lists and packing and quick cleaning, Aaron and I decided that we would leave home a few minutes early so that we could stop and pick up something small to eat on the way. After all, I wasn't sure when I would be able to eat again since I was famished and I didn't think I'd be allowed to eat once I arrived at the hospital and the induction got underway.

On the way to the hospital, I kept looking at what was happening in the world around me. People were going about their normal daily routines, commuting to and from work, shopping, going to school, and no one knew what was taking place inside our little blue car. Everything outside seemed so normal, so ordinary, but my entire world was about to change. I mentioned this to Aaron. He thought for a moment and said, "Yes. It's a commonplace miracle."

Home

2009-03-01T19:19:00.001-06:00

Well, we got to bring Harrison home today, which is a day earlier than our pediatrician had predicted. Harry took to feeding yesterday and we were able to pull his NG tube last night, so he has been eating now for almost 48 hours without any supplementation via the tube. Yay!! We are still not breastfeeding, as little Harry is tongue-tied and isn't able to form a good seal at the breast, but I have been pumping every three hours and Aaron has been feeding him with a bottle, so I suppose that is the next best thing.

Harrison is on a bili-bed due to having jaundice, but hopefully we will be able to get rid of that in the next few days, especially since he has been eating and pooping so well. It sucks having him on that bed all day and not being able to hold him as much as I would like to, but then again, I'm just glad to have him home.

I'm feeling a little dazed...last week at this time we were heading home from our baby shower at my parents' house, completely unaware of what would be coming, and today I am here at home with my new baby and Aaron and Gracie, and so, so much has happened in the past several days. I'll start getting the story down here as we get acclimated to life at home with a newborn and a prekindergartner.

I also turned 31 today. Having my family all at home together tonight is the best birthday gift I could have ever asked for.

New Baby!!

2009-02-25T17:30:00.003-06:00

Harrison Glen, born Wednesday 2/25/09 at 2:56pm. Weight is 6lbs 4oz, length is 19 inches.

And yeah, ya know how they say second labors are soooo much easier than the first? Not so much with this one. Brutal. Will post birth story and pics when I've had a chance to recover.

Baby Day

2009-02-24T12:38:00.000-06:00

I am being induced today. Holy shit.

BP was 161/100 and Dr. Fab said that since I am a few days shy of 37 weeks, the risks of keeping Tater inside outweigh the benefits. We're packing now and heading to the hospital in a few minutes.

We'll keep you posted. Send us all good thoughts please.

An Observation

2009-02-20T13:04:00.002-06:00

Is it just me, or does the new Illinois governor look a lot like George Washington?

At least it doesn't look like he has wooden teeth.

Don't mind me...just trying to occupy my mind while I have these weird Braxton Hicks contractions every 10 minutes or so.

And Speaking of Pregnancy...

2009-02-17T15:56:00.001-06:00

...here is the latest quote from the Palin family, this time from Bristol, the new mommy:

""I'd love to [be] an advocate to prevent teen pregnancy because it's not, like, a situation that you would want to strive for, I guess," Bristol said.

Speaks for itself. Geez.

Lady In Waiting

2009-02-17T15:22:00.004-06:00

I know I have been relatively quiet as of late, and that's just because not much is happening right now...other than waiting. I'm 35 weeks and 2 days today, so I am settling into that end-of-pregnancy lethargy and zombie-ness. I make my way through my days as best I can, then at night, when the work is done and Grace is in bed, I flop down on the couch and inevitably fall asleep just so Aaron can wake me up so I can drag myself to bed. I am asleep before my head hits the pillow and then I am woken up several times in the middle of the night, usually by the stray charley horse in my legs or by all of the fluid that needs to be dealt with in my compressed bladder. I thank God everyday that my husband is nesting, because I certainly don't have the energy for all that noise. Thanks to him, the house is cleaner and more organized than it has been since I moved in, and it is ready for the baby.

The birthing class is over, the crib is assembled, the Costco membership has been purchased, the chest freezer is installed and ready for breastmilk (thanks for the idea, LWWB), the baby clothes are washed, and Gracie's sibling class is coming up on Saturday. Really and truly, all that's left is the waiting.

I had my first of two weekly prenatal appointments today, and the BP is back up, but that's no surprise. Dr. Fab keeps saying, "37 weeks would be perfect," but we have yet to schedule an induction, mostly because she always wants to wait to see what the next appointment brings. All of my NST's have been perfect--they always show lots of little happy accelerations from Tater and the stray contractions, which are becoming a tad more frequent and noticeably more like period cramps than just plain belly hardening. Today I had the Group B strep test done and when Dr. Fab checked me, she indicated that baby has definitely dropped some in my pelvis and that I'm about 40% effaced, but no dilation as of yet. She sounded confident in telling us that she didn't think labor would start this week or this weekend.

I guess there's some more waiting in store...

Skipping V-Day

2009-02-12T08:51:00.002-06:00

Aaron and I decided to skip Valentine's Day this year. A few months back, we scheduled ourselves to attend an all-day birthing class on V-Day so it's not like we would have tons of time for a whirlwind of romantic activities that day anyway, but the whole idea of Valentine's Day is making me a little nauseous this year. And it's not just the hormones...

First off, these jewelry stores have some real balls advertising their diamond V-Day jewelry "sales" with the economy being the way it is. My daughter watches maybe an hour of TV every day, and she knows that stupid "he went to Jared" tag line by heart because of their ubiquitous commercials. They drive me crazy. Does the average American family have an extra $700 to spend on a diamond tennis bracelet for Mommy? If the average family is anything like ours, the answer is no. And if you do have some extra cash hanging around, my thought is that you'd be better off throwing it at your mortgage or paying down your other debt instead of buying a piece of jewelry that's going to sit on a dresser 90% of the time anyway. I just don't understand the extravagance that is still being encouraged in these troubled times. Know what I'm sayin'?

And I'm tired of the notion that one specific day needs to be designated in order to express your undying love and devotion to your partner/spouse/significant other. It's like the fiancee preparing for her wedding day instead of preparing herself for her marriage. Yes, the day itself is nice, but what about the rest of your relationship? Why should we reserve the nice date nights and the chocolates and the "I love you's" for Valentine's Day? Aren't those things even MORE appreciated when they come for no reason at all, when it's not all forced and syrupy? Frankly, I'd rather have my husband bring me a bouquet of flowers he picked himself in the middle of summer instead of feeling forced to buy me a dozen overpriced roses on V-Day.

So, this year I proposed a skip on the whole V-Day noise--no flowers, no gifts, no fancy schmancy dinner out-- and Aaron seemed just fine with that. After all, we'll be spending the day preparing for the arrival of our son, and I really can't think of anything more romantic than that.

The Calm

2009-02-10T13:17:00.006-06:00

Today is February 10th, and here is a shot of my backyard...here in Milwaukee, WI, which is generally a frozen wasteland during this time of year:

That one little patch of snow that's remaining is all like, "You're not taking me down! I'm staying here!! I don't care that it's almost 60 degrees!" And wow, our lawn will need some work come Spring.

Yes, I said 60 degrees. In Milwaukee, in February. It's unbelievable. And it's not going to last. Today is our one day of warm weather before temperatures plunge back into the 30's and you can be sure the snow and related unpleasantness won't be far behind. That Mother Nature is one mean tease.

This feels like the calm before the storm. Today, all is peaceful and cheery...the birds are singing, the sun is shining, the windows are open and a nice warm(ish) breeze is floating around the house. What is lurking around the corner? Are we about to be walloped with a foot of snow and temps below zero?

Sorta feels like that in my life right now. I had a doctor's appointment today, and my doctor called me "boringly normal". My BP was good (for once). My weight is good. Baby looked great during the NST. And although Dr. Fab mentioned she'd like to see me deliver around 37 or 38 weeks, she did bring up the possibility of going into labor naturally (provided it's before 40 weeks). Is this the calm before the storm? Is this our chance to breathe and relax and step back a little before our own little storm comes blowing in?

I Talk About Grace and Aaron A LOT...Also, I Overuse the Words "Around" and "Bed"

2009-02-08T19:29:00.006-06:00

So I totally stole this off another blog, but there is this website out there called Wordle and if you type your blog's URL into the website, it spits out a little word picture of what your blog is all about. I went for it, and here is what it came up with:

I find it interesting that "bed" is the biggest word on here. Hmmm...